It was a warm day and the noise of the bike made talking impossible, so I soon settled into a comfortable pace, almost able to ignore the familiar feeling of her arms around my waist and her helmet resting gently between my shoulder blades. We'd spent a lot of time like this both before and immediately after the events that ended modern civilisation. We had spent almost every moment together, once. It was in our shared home that we'd watched the first bombs fall, hidden under the duvet together, horrified by the events unfolding overseas and then later on British soil. When the news reported the bombs had been chemical, that North Korea had poisoned us all, we boarded up our windows and hid together, rationing food.
When society had crumbled, a full quarter of the population changed into mindless, bloodthirsty savages, we stuck together. We had each other. Until we didn't, anyway.
As a rule I tried not to think about that, understandably I think. The government crumbled and bands of survivors grouped together to fight the savages that had once been our loved ones. We watched our friends and families either go mad or get killed by those who had gone mad. It was a bad time for everyone.
It's maybe not surprising that our relationship couldn't take that pressure. But it might have stung less if she'd chosen anyone other than Ben Easterly. His Father and elder brother had quickly risen to lead our local militia in the months of chaos, and Keri had spent increasingly large amounts of time with him while I had been volunteering with the earliest form of the messenger guild. When I announced one day I was going to join Jonathan and help build the guild, Keri announced she would not be going with me.
I became a messenger, and she became his wife.
I felt a sudden wave of emotion rush over me, tears clouding my vision under my visor. The bike wobbled slightly underneath me and Keri's arms briefly tightened around me in concern. I slowed to a gentle stop by the side of the road, trying to blink away the moisture before she could notice.
To my surprise she ignored my emotional outburst as we both dismounted and removed our headgear. Her head swivelled around, trying to take in all directions at once, desperately searching for something. When she seemed finally satisfied we were alone she took a deep breath and started to speak.
'Jonathan has almost certainly told Ben where you are taking me by now. I'm sorry Ali, I think I have put you in an awful position.' Her eyes looked frantic and wide.
I quickly flicked the bike on to its stand and walked up to her, forgetting myself for a second and putting a hand gently on each of her arms.
'Slow down' I said gently. I could see her mind was racing. 'You're not making any sense. Why would Jonathan tell Ben anything?'
But Keri pulled away from me and began pacing, muttering about schedules and guards. I watched her for a moment, then tried once more to intercept her.
'Keri, what is going on?'
She turned to me, eyes wide, then threw herself into my outstretched arms, burying her face into my body. I could feel warm tears under the collar of my jacket.
I tightened my arms around her and held her like that, feeling the tension slowly leave her body with each hitched breath. I felt an unnamed tension in my chest begin to ease too.
'Ali,' Keri turned her head to the side to speak but made no attempt to move out of my embrace. I kept my arms around her, afraid to breathe. "A few days ago I saw a letter on Ben's desk from Jonathan. It looked like schedules or something similar, and I didn't give it another thought, until I saw a letter yesterday in Jonathan's office. It was Ben's handwriting, but I didn't see anything except the date, it was marked 3 weeks ago. I thought in passing it was odd they had an extended conversation, you know Jonathan tends to stay out of politicking, but I still didn't put 2 and 2 together. Not until that guard.' She craned her neck to look at my face and I was suddenly very aware of how close we were. I saw Keri have the same realisation and she quickly took a step backwards, out of my grasp. I let my arms fall to my sides, my cheeks burning.
Keri recovered quickly. 'The guard that let us out of the gate. He was there, when Ben took White Harbour, and afterwards. He was the one who opened the gate for Ben's men to sneak in. They're working together, Ali.' She put her head in her hands and I resisted the urge to go to her again. It was the turn of my mind to start racing.
'If you're right-' She shot me a scathing look, and I backpedalled quickly.
'- and I'm sure you are, we need to change bikes straight away. And we need to stay away from my usual stops. We need to get as far away from here as possible. Are you ready to go?'
Keri dropped her hands and nodded, retrieving her helmet from the floor and following me to the bike. There was only one bike I knew would still have a chance of being operational and not be known to anyone who might spot it.
I really hoped I'd left some petrol in the tank.
We hadn't been on the road long when I noticed we were being followed. We were only 15 miles from the guild when a cloud of dust became visible in my mirrors.
'Ah shit.' Keri couldn't have heard me but seemed to sense my frustration. I felt her peer over my shoulder at the mirror then give me a slight squeeze. We sped up.
Another cloud of dust became visible to the right of us, another bike coming to intercept the road we were on. We were going to have to dump the bike and make it on foot. I tried to draw a map in my head. We would have to go through the Peak District, I'd left my old cbr in a garage outside Hadfield. It would be a long walk, and we were hardly kitted out for a two day trek. We needed supplies.
If we could make it past Derby without being caught, I had a small cache of food and blankets in a house nearby. Keri had laughed when I told her of my supply cache idea, back when I'd first started as a messenger. I was glad I'd kept up the habit regardless.
'HOLD ON' I shouted as loud as I could over the roar of the engine. Keri's arms tightened around me. There was a hard left coming up but I barely slowed, counting on Keri to remember to move her body weight with me as we took the corner in a wide arc. I felt gravel brush my knee but we were soon straight and gaining more speed. Passing through a cluster of trees we took another left, it was best to stay far away from the city centre, so I aimed to skirt the edge of the housing, staying hidden as much as possible. I kept an eye on the rear view mirrors, even though I knew if I saw the bikes behind us in these close streets, it would be far too late to do anything about it.
We made our way through a series of estates and villages until we finally came to a little place called Breadsall. I dumped the bike in a small wooded area, and we shouldered our bags. Although we hadn't seen our pursuers since we got off the A roads, I was extremely cautious before leading Keri out of the tree line and across the street, darting quickly into a nearby back garden. If she was frustrated with my slow pace as we creeped through shadows and across lawns, Keri didn't show it. She knew as well as I did that Jonathan and Ben's men were not the only threat out here. Eventually we came to the next door neighbour of whomever's house I had commandeered.
I motioned for Keri to stay put and slinked through a small gap in the fence to check none of my traps had been sprung. The little patio I emerged onto had only a back door and a small shed pressed to the back of the house. The door seemed boarded up as I had left it, so I swung myself up onto the roof of the shed to check my entry point. When I had originally secured the house I left this one small window with a false board over it, which I easily pulled out of the way. The string I had set across the frame remained untouched, and I could see the coffee grounds just inside the window hadn't been disturbed.
Quickly I jumped down and retrieved Keri, helping her climb up the side of the shed and into the house. I handed her one of my torches before fixing the false board back into place, blocking out most of the natural light. We both switched on our lights at the same time, and I led her out of the box room we had entered and into one of the front bedrooms, which I had stocked and fortified to the best of my ability. I lit two lanterns that I kept loaded with fully charged batteries, then went back to lock and bar the only entry.
As soon as the door shut I started to speak.
'Look Keri, I wasn't going to ask for details but what the actual fuck is going on here?' My voice started to do the shrill high pitched thing and I shut my mouth hard on the sound. Keri didn't answer, and when I turned to face her she was looking at a spot on the wall, her fingertips gently touching something.
Ah shit, it was a picture of us, taken just months before the apocalypse, standing outside our first house, pointing at the freshly erected sold sign.
My voice took on a softer tone.
'Crap, I'm sorry, I haven't stopped here for a while and-'
But Keri cut me off.
'It's okay, it's nice. Better times, huh?' Her voice sounded almost wistful, and I forgot how to speak.
She lingered there for a moment in the silence that stretched between us, making the seconds feel like hours. When she finally turned to face me, I thought I could see the glisten of tears in her eyes.
'I owe you an explanation.' She began. It was cold in the dark room, and a fire would be a terrible hazard in such a small space, so I hurried over to a dresser below the well boarded over window and removed an armful of blankets, happy for something to do while she gathered herself. I used one to cover the fairly clean but dusty mattress resting against the far wall, then piled the remaining blankets in the middle. From a chest beside it I removed a couple of bottles of water and a cereal bar each, then sat myself down on one edge of the bed. Keri settled herself onto the other side but didn't show any signs of moving for any of the items I had retrieved. I didn't move for them either, just watched her in the dark, struggling for a place to start.
Predictably, she started with my least favourite topic.
'I don't know how well you remember Benjen...' she waved her arm vaguely; '...back in the beginning. I imagine your memories of him are tainted by what happened between you and I, but he wasn't a bad man then, at least, not that I ever saw. He was quiet, but only because he watched everything and learnt. When he did speak he had a wicked humour and a very insightful nature... he reminded me of you actually, a bit...' She had the decency to look abashed at that, as my stomach rolled from her admission. I didn't think we were much alike at all.
She took a breath and continued.
'He was always kind to me, and found time for me even when everything was so hectic. I was convinced you were on some suicide mission with how the messenger guild was back then, and the way you threw yourself into the effort. He was comfortable and safe, and miles away from the loud, brash personalities of his father and his brother, Luke. I thought that was a good sign. I thought he might give me stability in a world where stability had become rare.'
Keri paused for a moment and I sensed a But.
'But... he changed. Or maybe more accurately he slowly let me see who he really was. What I had mistaken for an innocent interest in everyone turned out to be a manipulative narcissist at work. He used people, and when he couldn't use his lies and manipulations he had a wicked temper...' she shuddered and I suddenly found myself moving across the mattress, a blanket in my hand I didn't even remember grabbing. As I laid it over her bowed shoulders, I could tell it wasn't the temperature that made her shiver. I sat back, but stayed beside her as she continued, her voice now barely more than a whisper.
'As soon as his father and brother had consolidated their power, he made his move. His Father had an 'accident' while out hunting and has been in a wheelchair since. He's a recluse by all accounts, and has left Ben in charge of the day to day running. Easterly has become a hell hole Ali, have you been recently?'
I shook my head gently 'I've tried to avoid it, honestly.' It wasn't a lie. Easterly was the only place I would refuse to deliver to. I hadn't set foot inside its boundaries since that day when she told me to leave.
Keri sighed again, staring at her hands in her lap.
'I can understand that. It doesn't matter though, not really. Do you remember when Andrew died?'
Andrew was Keri's younger brother. He had been fighting the savages with the first inklings of the Easterly militia when his group were overrun. Ben brought Keri the news himself.
I nodded, not trusting my voice.
'Benjen had seemed so emotional when he told me, it was probably the moment when...' she didn't finish the thought, but she didn't need to. The moment her feelings changed for him. And for me.
She looked up at me then, an urgency in her eyes.
'I know, it's not fair on you Ali, none of this is fair on you. I don't deserve your help, but I'm pleading with you to help me anyway. You see, Andrew isn't dead. Andrew is very much alive.'