Andrew was alive? That would mean...
'Yes, Ben knew.' Keri answered my unspoken question.
'Do you think it was all bullshit?'
'I know it was all bullshit. This was just the icing on the cake. I had to leave him, I couldn't stand it anymore.'
She'd given me a lot of information in a short time, and looked exhausted by the effort. I passed her a bottle of water and cereal bar, and we ate together in silence.
I considered the facts.
1, Andrew was alive.
2, Keri thought I'd been suicidal.
3, Ben needed to die. Slowly, and painfully.
'You can't kill him, you know.'
I looked up to find Keri examining my face.
'I wasn't-' there was a hint of a smile on her face and she knew she was right.
'I know you want him to suffer. I do too, but you can't get to him.'
I was suddenly furious. I stood up quickly, raising my voice more than I ought to.
'No. No! You don't get to do that any more. You don't get to read me like a book anymore. I'm not your book.'
I watched as the small amount of joy drained from her face and immediately felt guilty. My anger drained away as quickly as it had come upon me.
'I'm sorry I didn't mean…' I wasn't really sure what I didn't mean and I let the thought tail off. Keri looked up at me, her eyes swimming.
'No, you're right, I forgot myself. I'm sorry Ali. It's just easy to fall back into my old self with you here.' That I could sympathise with, it was easier to forget the past 6 years than I was entirely comfortable with. I kept quiet for a moment, considering my words carefully while I walked back to where Keri was sitting and sat back on my heels. I thought about confessing my unending love for her that had driven me mad for over half a decade; how I couldn't hear her tease me without yearning to hold her. She met my eyes and held my gaze, at the same time I could hear her hold her breath, waiting for me to bear my soul.
I bricked it.
'It'll be dark soon, and we should try to get moving, if you feel up to it.' All the blood in my body rose to my cheeks and I dropped my eyes to the floor. 'It might be a good time to get some sleep.'
'Oh' I saw her shuffle uncomfortably, feeling every bit as awkward as I did. 'Yes, of course. Good plan.'
We shuffled around each other until we were lying back to back, and I'm fairly sure neither of us slept at all.
I took the time while pretending to sleep to think over what Keri had said. I suppose it would have been more practical to consider the Ben issue, or even the Andrew issue, but I couldn't move past her comment about me acting suicidal. At first it seemed ridiculous to me, but the more I turned it over, I could certainly see how she had come to that conclusion. Both my father and step mother had gone mad with the chemical attack, and we had seen them shot by the militia only a few weeks after we had met up with the Easterlies. When we met Jonathan a month later and I'd heard how many groups he had gotten to agree with his principles, I had thrown myself into it with all I had. I suppose when it came down to it, I'd abandoned Keri to wait for me while I chased down some half baked vision, spending more time away on my bike than I did with her. I'd been so wrapped up in my grief, in my mission, I hadn't taken her feelings into account at all.
I'd never really considered that maybe I had pushed her away.
I felt that uncomfortable feeling in my stomach again and tried to change the subject of my thoughts, wondering how long it had been? Probably not even an hour. Damn.
Jonathan was a problem to consider. If he was working with Ben - and the signs did point to some form of allegiance between them - then did he consider me to be expendable? Apart from the 6 months immediately following my break up with Keri, I'd been working with him from the start. I was fairly well known within the guild for some of my more adventurous deliveries back in the first years. Surely someone would notice if he had me killed? Who did he have following us? I shook my head, trying to clear it. There were lots of unknowns here, lots of threads we couldn't see to untangle. Once we had transport, we needed to find answers. And Andrew.
There was a quiet shuffle from behind me that brought me out of my head, and an almost as quiet voice that followed it.
'Ali?'
I pretended to be asleep.
'Ali I don't know if you're awake or not.' Her voice was barely more than a whisper 'but I want you to know that I've worried about you every day. I know you never wanted to talk to me again, and if you don't want to do this, I understand. I shouldn't have come to you. I wouldn't have, if I'd known it would put you in this much danger. I am truly sorry.'
Now I knew I had to say something, but I'd proved several times today already that I couldn't trust my mouth. I was silent for a long moment and when I finally spoke my whisper was harsh in my throat and rushed.
'There is nothing I wouldn't do for you.' It was Keri's turn to go silent, and for a moment I thought she was asleep. Then I was certain I had said the completely wrong thing.
Finally she cleared her throat with a hitch breath and I realised she was crying. I rolled over to see her curled in a ball, shoulder heaving in silent sobs. Instinctively, I slid my arm around her waist and pulled her into my body, she fit just as I remembered. For the second time in a day I held her as she cried, and this time a tear rolled down my cheek to join hers on the pillow.
We both must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew I was being shaken awake by a wide eyed Keri, tense and alert. Her hair was still rustled from lying down but her voice was urgent and hushed.
'Ali, I can hear something outside.'
I put a finger to my lips and she nodded as I rolled off the mattress and onto the balls of my feet as quietly as I could. Staying perfectly still I strained my ears. There was definitely a rustling coming from beneath the window. I saw Keri's eyes widen.
Waving my hand to get her attention I gestured to one of the lanterns. She understood immediately and we both crept to a lantern and plunged the room into darkness.
The rustling became more persistent, and I heard a bang on the boards covering the front door below. I stood slowly and walked in the direction I had last seen Keri, arms outstretched till my fingertips brushed the sleeve of her jacket. I felt her jump under my hand and let out a hastily 'Shhh'
I grasped for her hand and wrapped mine firmly around it, gently pulling until she started to follow me through the pitch black towards the door.
I fumbled with the locks, then went for the handle, wincing as I twisted the knob with a creak. Another, louder bang against the front of the house.
We crept out into the hallway, slightly more illuminated by moonlight streaming through the cracks in the boards I'd hastily thrown up over the hallway window. We had slept for longer than I'd originally thought. There was another bedroom opposite this one, and I led Keri by the hand as we passed the staircase and entered the larger of the rooms. When I had been securing this house, I'd left one small patch loose to allow me to see out into the front garden and the road below. I dropped Keri's hand, too tense to even feel embarrassed, to pull away the covering on the window, I was fairly sure I knew what we were going to see.
I felt Keri's face close to mine as we both peered down towards the front door. There were three people in tattered clothes, so worn and dirty it was impossible to tell the colour or style. Their hair was wild, sticking out at all angles, tangled with twigs and debris. Hands flailed wildly against walls and each other.
Savages. I had no idea how they found us here, there'd been no sign of them on the way in, I'd been so careful to check. The three outside were making enough noise that there would be dozens of them drawn from all around. We had to leave. We had to leave now.
I turned to Keri but it was obvious her thoughts mirrored mine. She pointed back towards the door and I nodded. In the quietest voice I could manage I whispered as close to her ear as I could get.
'Back in the other room, there is a rucksack full of food in the tall wardrobe to the right. Grab it, we need to get back out the way we came.' I felt her nod once against my cheek and then she was gone, moving silently back out into the hallway and disappearing into the darkness beyond. I followed her, but instead of turning right I made my way to the left of the room, quickly scooping up the blankets from the bed and rolling them tight. I opened the bag I had brought in with me, and shoved the blankets in. It was a tight fit, but I managed to get it closed. I hesitated for a second, then quickly darted to the chest under the window, opening the bottom drawer and removing two knives and a short sword. The sword I strapped to my waist, then I sheathed one of the knives to my shin. I took the other over to Keri, who was waiting impatiently for me by the door, her eyes still wide. She took it from me wordlessly, quickly and surely securing it to her thigh. I nodded to her once and she returned it. I stooped to pick up the torches we had left on the floor by the door, attached them to hooks on my bag, and then we were moving again, this time to the back of the landing, into the box room with the window that opened onto the shed roof below.
I took my time removing the board again, and even longer peering into the darkness beyond, straining my eyes for any sign of movement. I could hear the rhythmic banging from the front of the house more clearly here, but as long as we were quiet, we had a clear route out through the back of the garden and into the alleyway beyond. Turning my body to face her, I motioned for Keri to pass me and helped her climb out of the window onto the flat roof ahead of me. I watched as she took a couple of tentative steps out onto the felt, trying to be as stealthy as possible. I'd swung one leg out of the window when I heard a loud groan fill the air. I saw Keri's face flash with alarm before the roof below her right foot gave way with a sickeningly loud crash.
I launched myself the rest of the way out of the window, grabbing for Keri and shoving her past the collapsing ceiling. The sudden movement pushed us both off balance and we shot off the edge of the shed, my rucksack taking the brunt of the fall as Keri landed on top of me, knocking the air from my lungs.
For a second everything was quiet, then a menacing snarl rose from only meters away. Footsteps tore around the side of the house and we heard thrashing, growling bodies hit the wooden gate that was all that separated us from the madness-driven savages.
Keri was up in a second, dragging me to my feet while I coughed and spluttered.
'COME ON!' She yelled over the noise, quiet no longer our concern as I stumbled after her down the lawn.
We slammed into the small wrought iron gate, and I fumbled with the latch for a second before ripping it open. We were sprinting straight away, left out onto the street and then across the road and down another path into a park. The sounds of our would-be attackers faded in the distance but we kept running for what felt like hours, leaving the village of Breadsall behind and cutting across fields overgrown with a mixture of weeds and discarded crops. Eventually , as we approached a river, Keri slowed and I matched her pace. We came to a gradual halt, both doubled over, our breaths coming heavy.
When I finally looked up I expected to see my companion terrified, but instead a grin broke out that stretched from ear to ear. All of a sudden, she broke out into a pealing laughter, the sound cutting sharply through the empty forest. I couldn't help but begin to laugh too, although I had no idea why.
For a long moment we were consumed with a gut-deep laughter that had us both gasping on the floor by the end. Keri caught my eye, and for a moment nothing had changed between us. For a moment we were laughing over something silly the other one said, or something ridiculous on TV. For a moment, I forgot.
'I'm sorry, I know it's not funny but…' She didn't really have an explanation for her sudden outburst, but I understood perfectly. Adrenaline could be a powerful drug. God knows I'd run on it for many years. As the final sounds of our laughter died out, she smiled wistfully at me before setting herself back on her feet and dusting herself down. I copied her.
'We'd best keep moving, we have a long way to go.' She nodded but said nothing, and I pulled a map out of the side pocket of my rucksack. She gathered around it with me as I unfolded it, taking my time to locate our rough position.
'I think we are around here.' I pointed to Little Eaton, which I was fairly sure was the village we'd just passed as we made our escape. I moved my finger up the map to tap on a little village called Hadfield, just outside Manchester.
'I left my old CBR in a garage here. It's been a couple of years since I checked on it, but she should still run. If we can make it there, we have transport that isn't traceable to the guild.' I paused for a second while she took in the distance between the spots I'd indicated.
'So… through the peak district then?'
'We'll skirt the edge, yes. Are you up for a hike?'
There was a shadow under her eyes, but she gave me a small smile.
'I think so. Let's get going, it's cold.' I hadn't noticed until she said, but it was late September and the heat from the day was all but gone. I'd been sweating heavily during our run, but now that moisture had gone ice cold. I shivered instinctively and nodded.
I folded the edges of the map over so I could hold the part we needed in one hand, and then we set off into the darkness.