May 5th 1997...
Dear diary, as I approach my 17th birthday, I realize that I have a lot to be thankful for. Starting with my birth, to now, I must say that my journey has been very interesting. At his choice of women. Growing up, it was evident that he did not know how to love. And I am determined to find love, whatever it takes. Mama has not been that lucky. At age 10 birth, mama has not had the healthiest of pregnancies, due to the fact that she stressed a lot and cried even more. Dad was her husband, but never really acted like it. Sometimes I wonder why he married her in the first place. But I already know the answer to that. He married her to rebel against his own mother, who never approved of she had enough, filed for divorce and left the country. The worst part is, she left me behind with grandma, dad's mother. She never liked me very much. Mama left me. But I don't blame her. Dad was a very bad husband and his infidelity had no boundaries. I think that mom left the country out of shame. I mean, I would be ashamed too. My childhood was horrible, with a grandmother who never likes you and your introverted personality is seen as secretive. Hellooo! Not because I don't fight the world and their mother like she does, means I have secrets. I choose honey instead of vinegar. Am I a bad person for doing that? I don't think so. But that is why I was so happy when she died. I know it's wrong to say, but it's true. She made my life miserable on top of the misery I already had. In retrospect, I think they loved each other in some weird, this clothes inside out like nothing happened. Anyway, I will hear tomorrow what his answer is to my letter. I just need to make it through tonight. Goodbye for now,
Love, Farina