Dear diary,
it has been two weeks since my break-up with Ernie. I still can't believe that happened. I never quarreled with him or anything like that. He asked me to be friends. But it's hard to act normal when I still love him so much. What do I do with all these strong feelings? Does he expect them to magically disappear? It does not work that way. He pretends as if nothing happened, and it's killing me inside. I have trouble sleeping or eating. All I do is cry. It's not fair. I was finally happy, and it got snatched away from me without reason. Sometimes I ask myself what I have done wrong, but I can't answer that question and neither can he because I have done nothing wrong. School is not as fun as it used to be and everyone can see my pain. Did he really love me? Or was it just make-believe? I feel so stupid for writing that stupid letter. But I can't turn back time, so I have to live with it. Gosh, I miss him. I miss his kisses and his jokes. Now all I have is pain. Does the universe not want me to be happy? I mean, every time I feel a glimpse of happiness, it gets stolen from me. Like a thief stealing in the night. Just gone without a trace. I am still at aunt Libby's because home does not entice me. I feel like Cinderella and that woman would be the stepmother.
I miss mom. She has not called me for months. Her sister said that she was ill. But I have not heard from her as yet. I try to do my best at school, but I can't keep my grades up. I was a straight A student, now not so much. It is all so confusing to me. I wonder if there will be a light at the end of the tunnel....
6 months later...
Dear diary,
Today is the day that I can truly say that I have hit rock bottom. So much has happened in the past 6 months. Mom died in Cayenne. Before she died, she did come to visit. I could not recognize her. She was so thin and cried a lot. But she never spoke of her illness, so I did not know what she had. I do have my suspicions, of course, but all I can do is speculate. She made me promise to take care of dad and that I would never let anyone hit me. Naturally, she made me promise that second one because I used to be abused when I was little, both by my grandmother and stepmother. And she was always the one who would fight for me. I will cherish those last moments forever. And just like that, I got a phone call to go to Cayenne to say goodbye to mom. Dad was so afraid to lose me, that he hid my passport and did not allow me to say goodbye to mom. I was a minor, so I had to obey him. I became very bitter after that. He took away my right to say goodbye. I became more and more rebellious, to the point that I would hang out with guys at night. I also ran away from home because I felt like I was caged. Not only that, but I felt suffocated and needed to break free. My dad listened to his wonderful wife, who advised him to call the police. So he did. He told the police that I had stolen his money. In reality, that was a big lie. Dad did not have money, he had debt. And I helped him pay his debt with the money mom used to send for me. Dad had two weaknesses: women and gambling. Infidelity was the main reason that mom and dad were divorced.
Anyway, in the past six months, I lost my mom, got raped and spent two weeks in jail. Needless to say, I became resentful to dad. He knew I was innocent. I hated him, his wife and everyone else who sided with them. Now it's me against the world.