Emerald's POV-
I just kept staring at myself in the mirror. I was trying to make sure that I was still me. I was double checking my thoughts, every single one of them. I was running through all of my likes and dislikes and making sure they were the same. I wanted so badly to feel angry. I wanted to feel rage and to burn everything down.
But all I felt was this painful guilty feeling in my gut. It hurt so I bad that I put my hand to my stomach to try and suppress it. Why do I feel so guilty? I feel awful, I feel like I've done something terribly wrong, but what? What did I do that was so bad? So unforgivable?
'I'll never forgive myself.'
The thought boomed into my head so loudly that I dropped to my knees and put my hands over my ears. My chest was burning and it was this full body sensation of just sorrow. Pure hate for myself is what I felt and soon I could feel tears start to form in my eyes.
Why am I so guilty? What did I do? Who did I hurt so badly? Why won't the feeling stop?
I leaned my head to the bathroom floor and hugged my knees as I sobbed. I had never felt such grief before and I didn't even know what it was that I was crying about. It just hurt, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Anala was whimpering and whining and all I felt was this intense feeling of regret and shame.
If a broken heart was a real thing, this is what it felt like and it wasn't letting up.
'I'm so selfish.'
My hands went over my ears and I screamed to get the booming voice out of my head. It came with no warning and it felt like needles were pricking the top of my skull when it entered my mind. Tears were streaming down my face and then suddenly I heard the bathroom door open and a wave of the most mouth watering smell hit my senses.
I looked up from the bathroom floor to see August bent down on one knee near me. He had a broken look in his eyes and he didn't hesitate to scoop me up from the floor and carry me back to my bed. He wrapped the blanket around us and it was like I couldn't even focus on him really.
All I could do was smell those yellow flowers from my dreams and I sat up and moved my face closer to his. He stopped moving and I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes. It was like I was right back in that dream again.
"Mmm you smell like.." I stopped myself and my eyes went wide before I pushed myself back from August.
I scooted all the way to the other end of the bed and brought my knees to my chest. He sat up more and leaned his back against the wall and just stayed with a calm expression while looking at me. I stared back at him keeping my face masked. I wanted to be mad at him. I wanted to lunge at him and claw his other eye out. I wanted to set the bed on fire with him in it. But even though I wanted to feel this I couldn't.
All I felt was guilt and regret.
'I want to hold you so badly.'
I winced and brought my hands back over my ears before groaning.
"What the fuck is that!" I yelled at him.
August went to move from his spot and closer to me, but I gave him a look that could kill before baring my teeth and growling at him. He stopped and leaned back on the wall before running his hands through his hair.
'Please don't hate me.'
I whined loudly and squeezed my arms over my head to get the voice to stop. It hurt whenever it came into my head and it was like it was screaming.
"I'm sorry, it will take a few days for you to get used to it." August said in a soft tone.
I looked up at him and slowly removed my arms from over my ears.
"Is that you I'm hearing?!" I asked him not bothering to hide the panic in my voice.
He was still looking at me and eventually he nodded his head. Another sharp lashing went to my chest and I was reminded quickly of how guilty I was.
"When will the feeling stop?" I asked him still battling with this overwhelming feeling of remorse.
He looked at me for a minute like he didn't know what I meant, but realization must've set in because he looked away from me.
"You're feeling what I'm feeling. It's going to be like this for the first few days, but it will eventually be more tolerable." He said still not looking up at me.
Another pang went through my chest suddenly and the tears started to form in my eyes again.
"Please.. make it stop."
August quickly lunged at me and pulled me back to lay with him.
I couldn't hold back the tears anymore and sobbed into his shirt. He wrapped his arms around me and brought the blanket over us before moving my hair back and running his fingers through it. He held my tightly against him and kissed the top of my head and soon the sharp feeling of guilt started to subside.
I stopped crying and every once in a while I would sniffle and after another minute I snuggled my face deeper into August's neck and took in his scent deeply. A warm feeling went over me and I didn't feel awful anymore, in fact I felt more peaceful. The smell of the flowers were strong and it made my mouth water up. It smelt good enough to eat and I so badly wanted to taste that sweet nectar again.
I moved my hands to August's chest and balled his shirt up in my fists. I brought my head to his neck and smelled him again before pecking a kiss to his bare skin. Small little sparks tickled my lips when I did and I kissed him his skin a second time so I could feel them again.
August let out a low growl that made my hands vibrate, but I couldn't focus on that. I couldn't even focus on the fact that it was August I was kissing. All I could do was focus on that smell and how good it made my whole body feel. I wanted to taste those flowers again. I kissed his neck, but this time I made sure to trail my tongue over his skin in small circles.
Anala was yipping and pacing and was getting excited. She was jumping and clawing and egging me on to keep going.
'Mark him!' She demanded, but even she was drowned out by this intoxicating smell.
I moaned against August's neck and started to lightly suck on his skin trying to find that sweet nectar that I was craving. August moved his head back from me though. I growled in frustration at him and tried to put my face back into his neck.
"Emerald hold on." He said to me and held my shoulder to keep me back.
I looked at him and for what ever reason when I did.. it was like I was looking at him for the first time. I always thought August was handsome, but this was different. He looked different. He felt different. He smelled different. He was more than handsome, he truly was this angelic creature and I just couldn't look away from his eyes.
I love those eyes I thought to myself.
"My scent is going to make you want to mark me. You won't be able to stop yourself and I'm sorry for that."
I knew his mouth was moving and he was saying something to me, but I was too mesmerized by his lips to hear his words. Where his lips always so full and pink like that? Did he always have that small little dimple on his chin? Did he know how entrancing his ghost eye can be? He's so much larger then I am. He makes me feel tiny and safe and warm.
Why is he so warm?
I moved closer to him and pulled on his shirt so he'd come back to me. I didn't think twice about smashing my lips to his and he growled and sent lovely vibrations down my throat. His mouth was leaving a million sparks on mine and when I felt his warm tongue skim across my lips I felt amazing and gave him better access.
Finally. I could finally taste that warm nectar I had been searching for and I couldn't get enough of it. I started to frantically kiss August and moan and whimper against his mouth until I felt his hands cup my face and forced me to break our kiss.
"Emerald please I only have so much will power." He said, but I didn't care about what he was saying I only cared about that sweet honey taste he was giving me.
I pulled on him and tried to kiss him again, but he held me back and gave me a stern look.
'Slow down for just a minute.'
I winced my head back from him as that loud booming voice came into my brain.
"Get out of my head." I grumbled to him and removed my hold on his shirt and rubbed my temples together with my eyes closed.
"I'm sorry, my scent won't be this strong after a while. Everything right now is just on high volume, but it will calm down eventually."
Even his voice was different now.
It was a deep and velvety tone that made my toes curl. I opened my eye and took in the God like man lying next to me. I wasn't religious, but I had this need to worship him and adore him. I wanted him to talk again, so that I could hold on to every single word. I wanted to feel his lips on mine again and I wanted to bury my face in his neck and smell those delicious flowers.
I reached my hand up to his left eye and he closed it and allowed me to trace his scar all the way down.
"You're beautiful." I whispered to him.
He gently took my hand from his face and brought my fingers to his lips. Sparks ran down to my wrist from his soft kiss and he looked at me with so much tenderness and warmth.
"That's because of the mark. You will always see me this way now."
I small smile came to my lips as I curled my toes again listening to his melodic voice.
"Do you see me like that?" I asked and scooted a little closer to him.
He smiled and wrapped his arm around me before tangling his legs with mine.
"Yes, but it will be more intense once you've marked me I'm sure."
I closed my eyes and hummed listening to his voice again. I don't know how I'll ever be able to actually pay attention to his words when he sounds like that.
"Does it still hurt?" He asked me, but I just moved closer to him every time a word came out of his mouth.
The smell was overpowering and between that and the voice it was like being hypnotized into a calm relaxing daze.
I felt spark on my neck and moaned when feeling August try to place small kisses on my mark. He propped himself on one elbow and kissed my neck softly and it was like he was dropping small shocks of pleasure into me every time.
"Mmm" I grabbed the back of his head and held him close to my neck because I didn't want his lips to leave my skin.
I slowly opened my eyes to look up at August.
He was looking down at me and I curled my fingers into his soft ashy hair. His stare was paralyzing and it I could sense this overpowering feeling of pure endearment from his eyes.
Has he always looked at me like that?
Am I good enough for him to look at me like that? If he doesn't see me the way I see him then how could he be looking at me like that? I wanted him to see me as this unworldly being that I saw him as. I wanted to make sure that he only ever wanted to look at me that way.
"Yes, it still hurts." I finally said to him.
He gave me a small look of guilt and bent his head down to place small kisses on my mark again. I tighten my grip in his hair and looped my other arm over his shoulder to pull him down closer to me.
'Mine!' Anala growled in my ear loudly.
That smell was so addictive and once I had him close I couldn't keep myself from taking it all in again. I had this hungry feeling in the back of my throat that I couldn't explain and I wasn't sure if it was the smell or if I just needed a taste. I dug my nails into August's back and brought my mouth over his neck again.
"But this is going to hurt more." I whispered against his neck.
As soon as my tongue hit his skin I could feel Anala push to take over. I could feel my teeth contract unwilling and it was too much to resist. I sank my teeth in deeply and clamped my jaw shut around the side of his neck. I wasn't sure if it was me or him that growled, but it was powerful enough to shake the bed. I held on tightly to him and even when he jerked his head I would sink my teeth in deeper.
I couldn't let go.
Not even when August was roaring and his hands went to my shoulders to pry me off. I just held on to him and sank my teeth deeper into him trying to hold him still. I licked his skin and even his blood tasted sweet to me.
I felt his large body go limp and when he sank his dead weight on top of me I finally unclenched my jaw and licked his mark for a minute making sure to taste any bit of sweet nectar that I could find.
He was just like honey. Warm and sweet.