My mind kept recalling how Mr. Caesar smelled and that tingly sensation when his lips landed on mine. The word gentle is an understatement. I liked how he treated me with kindness. But, there was a prickly stabbing pain in my chest I had never felt before; all I knew was it felt so bittersweet.
I was waiting outside the OB-Gyne department with a completely different outlook on the atmosphere in the hospital. The last time I stayed here, I was still thinking about whether to keep my child or not. But now, if not for the emergency, we would have gone here together as co-parents.
This country implements secondary gender examinations once babies are born. It was proven to be unsafe, yet for the purpose of social stratification, it is still practiced to this day. Infant mortality among omegas is the highest, hence our low population. Unwanted children like me were not killed but got sent to an orphanage. I have learned from a young age that once unwanted; always unwanted. Not one picked me among the orphans displayed in that ragged eerie home. I have never thought of having a family since then. But today, I was sitting feeling the butterflies in my stomach.
I began to imagine a home for my baby and my pair. It must be nice to have a lawn where my child can freely play and have tea parties. A little vegetable garden where my baby could learn how to value hard work would also be good. If my kid wanted a lot of toys to play with, maybe we can arrange a good playroom filled with soft plushies and educational books.
"You're such a pretty omega when you smile like that," A gentle voice suddenly woke me from daydreaming. I turned and looked at the person beside me and saw the most elegant, timeless beauty ever. He was pale and thin, and it was evident that he was an omega based on his appearance.
"Hi! I'm Lireo," He offered his hand and shook my hand with much enthusiasm. He smiled and looked more delightful the more I stared at him. "And you? What's your name?" He asked.
"Oh. I'm Russien." He introduced himself by his first name, so I thought I should reply in the same format. I tucked a strand of my hair at the back of my ear, feeling nervous and embarrassed at how I looked when I was delving into endless imagination.
"Are you pregnant?" He immediately broke the ice and made conversation with me.
I nodded and still felt awkward around him, so I let the conversation flow back to him as I asked, "How about you? What made you come here in the OB-Gyne?"
He suddenly looked sullen but gave me a tender smile, "I got marked when I was just a teenage boy. Now I'm feeling some bumps in my nether region."
"You don't have your Alpha?"
"Yeah, that scumbag disappeared for good. He marked me and left, probably went to hell already," He responded like it was a past joke. I had read the books about how destructive it is when an omega got marked and had no contact with their paired alpha's pheromones in a long time. His situation was what I dreaded over after Mr. Caesar claimed me.
"Please don't be like that. Smile for me, will you?" Lireo cheered me up and pulled my cheeks upward. "You're so beautiful when you smile, so please keep smiling." The awkwardness immediately disappeared when my name was called; it was finally my turn.
I told the doctor about what I had experienced so far, and she told me it was my morning sickness. They gave me detailed instructions about the nutrition I needed and things to avoid, such as stress and sleep deprivation. My consultation time was extended when I admitted that I had been on long-term anxiety disorder medication. Considering the nature of my job, she advised me to take early maternity leave. I crouched in my seat, listening to her advice. There's no way I would shamelessly request that in the company at this time when things are only beginning to pop out after I kept digging all these years.
The doctor further informed me that the mother's mental health condition directly affects the child's cognitive development; therefore, it was vital for me to be in a stable mood. She gave me a recommendation to a psychiatrist in the hospital to further inquire about it.
I walked out of the room as her words rang in my ears. I need to lessen my anti-anxiety pills. I should not drink a lot of those meds. I must keep myself off the things that help me escape from what terrorizes me. I repeated those sentences in my head. It sounded so responsible and heroic since I'm doing it for my child, but it felt like giving up the single thread that kept me alive to this day.
When I got out, Lireo was also done with his consultation. He was so chatty and friendly that I sent him to the oncologist. Just like me, he also had it pretty hard. He was told that he might have developed cancer. I waited until he came out as if he was my friend. Unlike his lively mood before entering the door, Lireo walked out of there looking like his life was over.
As a fellow omega, I accompanied him and took him out for lunch in the nearest family diner.
"My doctor said I only have a year or two years left to live my life." He was so sad that he could not even cry. A shimmering golden light was reflected on his ash-blond hair. A glimmer of pearly tears was suspended through his fine thick lashes, barely keeping it in.
"Oh… Sorry to hear that." I didn't know what response would help him feel better than what others usually say when they hear other's misfortune. I took a bite and hardly swallowed the food. If I were as friendly as Jacob, maybe I could've said better.
"It's okay. I'm already fifty. That's enough." He smiled, but it got me more worried.
I wasn't confident, but I gave him Dr. Mendez's contact details. "That doctor is an acquaintance of mine. He's currently studying about marked omegas with absent pair. Although your case must be in the late stage, I can assure you that he'll take care of you. Just don't mind about his eccentricity. He's decent enough, I swear."
…
"Wait, you're fifty?" Of course, I could not believe that. I could not even see any pores on his skin! He laughed and defended that he was telling the truth. He looked like he was in his late thirties. I could not even dare imagine how beautiful he was in his younger years.
After the meal, we separated, and I went back to the hospital and met with the psychiatrist recommended to me. I told him about the medicine I take and how often I had to take them. He tried to learn more about me, but I was a little apprehensive about telling everything. He prescribed to lessen the dose and removed other pills as they trigger visual and auditory hallucinations when abused.
I thought I had to drink more pills to make the hallucination disappear. I didn't realize that my over-usage made that hallucination more frequent. Inside the cold, sterile room, the doctor's articulation of my problem reverberated through the corners, but I only heard a long sharp buzzing sound. I left given the last piece of advice from a mental health professional: To cope with my pregnancy and anxiety, I must go to counseling therapy instead.
Then, I waited for my alpha to pick me up in front of the tall white hospital. The sky had already gone through darker hues, many people had passed me by, but Mr. Caesar never came. So I went home on my own with undeniable disappointment. He told me he's a busy man before, and so am I. We're both preoccupied with the overwhelming responsibility that comes with our jobs. And I hate myself for being sad over a little unfulfilled promise.
When I got home, I could still smell a faint trace of pheromones from his jacket, but even that slowly disappeared. After studying the materials I had, I fell asleep on the couch. Unlike the peaceful days that passed, I had another nightmare again. I ran through circles, and when that nightmare stopped, the silhouette of a head filled with eyeballs almost dropped before my face. Those eyes slowly melted and the tickling liquefied flesh dripped and covered my face. I used all my strength to fight back, yet all I could lift was my shaking finger. I tried my best to shout for help, but I couldn't even move my lips. And just like every single time I face this monster, I get petrified knowing no one else can save me aside from myself, yet I can't even pick myself back up.
I freaked out and lost my consciousness. I fell back asleep, and it was already noon when I woke up again. I could only drink the pill prescribed by the doctor, but consequently, it took hours before I calmed down. I knew it was just a hallucination, but it felt so real at that time. I hugged Mr. Caesar's jacket, but I could not smell him anymore.
I didn't expect how much I have to depend on that alpha. His mere pheromones got me to lose control, then it calmed me down when I was stressed, and now that it's gone, it drives me so mad! I remembered what I told Jacob a few weeks ago— I'm only connected to him because he marked me. I'm heavily influenced by his pheromones alone, my psychological state, and even my emotions. And finally, my weekend passed on a depressing note as I lay on my bed reading through my notes.
The next day, it was another rough morning. That monster tried to fill my mouth with his eyeballs. It was so crazy that my morning sickness got worse. I did not find anything appetizing. My throat got swollen from the acidity, but I kept vomiting even when there was nothing I could throw up anymore.
I was about to be sent home by Jacob when he saw how sick I was, but we got a news tip. The police found fourteen omega glands in the biggest church in Lacierta last Saturday. The police and the church tried to cover up the crime scene to protect the church's image, but it still leaked out. I forced Jacob to check that out first. As it turned out, each gland was preserved in formaldehyde inside a pint-sized bottle. They were displayed on the altar along a bed of red hyssop flowers. When we heard that from the informant, Jacob and I looked at each other and probably thought the same thing.
Our theories might have half-truths in them. Jacob's suspicion that this might be a case of serial killing and not just multiple killings, and the victims were the missing omegas seven years ago might be true. While there stands a chance that the culprit is displaying his art and using religion to justify his child sacrifice rituals might be possible.
Mr. Caesar once told me that they extracted DNA from the bone tissues before, but there were no matches. I wonder if he was busy getting the DNA analysis from the gland tissues. It made sense why he was so busy.
"If the skeleton exhibit in the city hall is connected with this gland offering in the altar, I think everything I have worked on so far is useless," Jacob complained. "Red hyssop is like a weed that grows anywhere. We have isolated that the possible culprit was a beta middle-aged white-collared worker in the city hall. Now we have to consider everyone that has access to these plants. That's pretty much everyone in the whole country! Where are we going to start first?"
"Walter, it's not a weed. It's a perennial plant from the mint family! Red hyssop plants are not like other hyssop plants. It only blooms from July to September. It'll be December in a few days, meaning we can limit the search with people who can preserve this many flowers or those who can buy them."
Jacob looked at me with despair, "Rene, I failed my Biology class. My Prof was hot as hell, I couldn't focus on what he taught and wanted to retake his class, but he left after flunking me! So, don't expect a lot from me, okay? And given that having money is a limiting factor, it doesn't change the fact that the limiting scope of the possible identity of the culprit is still huge!"
"I know," I agreed with his sentiment. "We can only hope that the scene in the church was not as clean as the skeleton exhibit in the city hall."
"Should we go meet Mr. Musca, Rene?" Jacob drove me to the police department, thinking of the best move for the investigation and for me to stop vomiting excessively.
"And Walter, in my opinion, your Prof made the right decision."
"What? On leaving me?"
I was talking about flunking him, "Does he have any obligation to you to make him stay?"
"You're very bitchy when you have morning sickness. Sometimes, I really just want to dispose of you anywhere." Jacob chuckled and forgave my unkind mood.
We drove through the long snowy road until the white snow on the horizon dimmed, twilight passed, and the dusk covered the sky in darkness. It's already nighttime, isn't it?