"It was kind of you to warn me about this." Harford Convarta's voice broke into my thoughts and drew my eyes up. He was watching me intently.
"Perhaps I am not as terrible a person as you think."
He sighed. "I do not believe you are terrible. Merely unpredictable and untrustworthy."
I looked away as tears pricked my eyes. Unpredictable, maybe, but I was not untrustworthy.
A calloused finger under my chin lifted my face, bringing my eyes to meet his. I tried to blink the tears away, but a couple leaked out and trailed down my cheek. Master Convarta was frowning now.
"Tears?"
"I am not untrustworthy," I whispered.
"You used me to torment my friend. That seems to me rather deceptive."
I shook my head. "I admit to deceiving Mistress Ildasan about the true nature of our relationship, but I told no lies in doing so."
"You are trying to excuse yourself, but what you did was wrong."
"What should I have done?"
"I just do not understand what you were trying to accomplish."
"I have already told you that I wanted revenge on Mistress Ildasan for her first attempt on my life. Beyond that, I needed to know whether I could live my life without worrying about her trying again."
"And you felt that you needed to test her limits by tormenting her?"
"If she could not handle kind conversation, how would we continue on in society together?"
"And bringing me into it?"
"I wanted us to have a future," I muttered, my eyes darting away.
"And you thought we could have a future if you got her out of the way?"
I looked back at him, anger replacing my sadness. "No! Certainly not! I just knew that if I were to have a future with you, she would learn of it at some point and I wanted to see how she would handle it."
He shook his head. "I am still not ready to forgive."
"You, Master Convarta, are a hypocrite."
He scoffed and dropped his finger from under my chin, shifting his gaze to the view out the window.
"You asked me to show mercy to the woman who tried to kill me twice because she thought I might be competition for your interest. Twice! The first time, I did nothing to earn her ire except refuse to avoid you. And because I implied that you and I were closer than we are, and because that led to her trying to kill me again, you are now refusing to show mercy to me."
His glance snapped back to me. "Who are you to judge me?"
"And who are you to judge me? I acted to preserve my safety. How dare you judge me for that."
"You did not have to drag me into it."
"Are you upset because Mistress Ildasan thinks that you actually like me?"
"No. I do not dislike you. And I do not care what Jenkava thinks."
"Then what is the problem?"
"I am terrified of you!" he burst out.
"But I am not at all terrifying."
"You have no idea. You are irresistible and unusual and. . ." He trailed off. "I do not want you to get hurt."
"Well I have already been hurt by your unkind accusations, so I would appreciate at least knowing why you are pushing me away for this. I truly did not think it was as bad as you seem to think."
He sighed. "Perhaps. . . I was using it as an excuse to pull back."
"Because I scare you?"
"Yes! No! I mean-" He stopped again and rubbed his face.
"You mean?"
"I mean that you drive me crazy. You worry me."
"That does not sound any better." I was trying to decide whether I should be hurt by his words or laugh at how clearly disconcerted he was by this conversation. I chose to laugh, though I could not keep the edge of pain out of my voice.
"You are upset," he said, looking up.
"You are saying things that I find painful. That I scare you, that I drive you crazy and worry you, that you wanted an excuse to end our friendship. . . should I be flattered?"
He groaned. "I am not making sense. The real reason you scare me is that-" Before he could finish his thought, the carriage slowed with a jerk, throwing me against him. I gasped and jumped out of his arms, quickly hiding myself in the bench just as the carriage came to a rough stop and the door was thrown open.
"Come on, master! It's time you had a lesson!" I heard a series of grunts and smacks, and then they were gone. I peeked out and found the door open. Harford was gone and I wondered what they were doing to him.
I only had a couple minutes to consider where they had taken him before the two men returned.
"Let's see him get out of that!" one of them exclaimed.
"Bleeding and unconscious. It won't be long before a ghost wolf finds him," the other answered with a laugh. "The wild man himself done in by the wild at last."
I flinched. Oh no! I needed to get to him before-
But just as I burst out of the bench, the carriage was off again. Thankfully, the door was unlocked. A plan came to me and I acted on it, not stopping to second-guess myself. I threw open the door and yelled, "STOP!"
Taken by surprise, the driver pulled up and the carriage slowed. I jumped out and tucked and rolled into the bushes by the road. I heard the shouts of the two men who sat on the back bench, and then they were running towards me. Leaping to my feet, I took off into the trees, turning and quietly creeping under a bush a short ways in.