"Trevor, I need to buy clothes I can wear for training or for going around town and I am not wearing that sequined-sparkly-dazzling shit for that, so keep it back where you found it."
"Okay, I'll get you something meant for training and all."
"Yeah, you do that."
He turned back around while I look for some shorts that could go with the red top I just chose. It was plain red with a tie up front and straps. It looked pretty decent. Just a pair of shorts or leather pants and boom. A sexy outfit born. I hummed absentmindedly strolling around.
I spotted a really nice red bra and it was really hot. I had never thought of buying such powerful colours before, I liked pastels more. Losing the one's you love really changes you.
All I think about now, is revenge, justice for mom and Jack, they never did anything wrong and sometimes to take out the wrong one's a fragile person turns rock hard too and wearing red does that for me. If my mom and Jack saw me like this, they would never recognize me like my enemies wouldn't.
They were never gonna see me coming.
I took it off the hanger and turned around only to come face-to-face with Jack, he had a pair of black pants in his hands and his gaze was down, focused onto something.
"Uh, here's what you asked for," He was blushing too so I wondered if something was wrong with him? I follow his gaze and my own eyes widen. The bra, he must have been flustered.
I quickly snatched the pants from him and rushed into the dressing room yelling a thanks. Great, now we were both awkward. I actually found Jack to be a nice guy, might as well move on and then maybe try it out with him? As long as I had somebody to lean on, Boyfriend or not.
Noah was the best friend I had ever had, but after taking note of our feelings, it was for the best that I didn't depend on him for emotional support. He was the one that needed taking care of, more. He had been clean for three months now but it was still risky to not check-up on him and trust him completely which explains the 5:30 calls.
I couldn't believe I chose a neon sports bra. I changed the neon bra with the red one and got into the clothes. It was a new kind of comfort. The top was tight at all the right places, the pants were leather and a little tight for everyday but I guess I would get used to it? I turned around to look at the lace back of the top and gasped.
Holy mother of Jesus.
I look good.
"BEE, ARE YOU COMING OUT OR NOT?"
"COMING!"
-
"You are not going out without a jacket and that's final."
"Trevor! why are you being an overprotective older brother!? Leave me alone."
"Maybe, I wanna be the older overprotective you dumb girl," He murmured almost inaudible, but I still managed to listen to it, my eyes instantly softened when I looked at him when he removes his jacket and placed it over me.
"It's a little cold, you have training, I don't want you to run a fever."
Was it hug time yet? Because I really wanted to. I Placed my hand over his on my shoulder and nodded. "Thanks, Trevor. I'll wear your twice my size jacket for now." We both chuckled and he hummed proudly in approval.
"Where's Jack? Wasn't he with you?"
"He was, but he kinda choked when I came out of the fitting rooms so, he went around asking for water." Trevor's face passed a knowing look as he pulled me closer taking both my hands in his and I could tell he wanted to ask me something so I let him.
"Beatrice, You said yes to getting to know each other, tell me please, is something wrong? Why do you train?" He asked with the utmost softness in his beautiful eyes and words both.
"Trevor, it's too soon to let you in so much, I'm sorry, I need time to trust you guys, hmm?" I asked, as softly as him. He didn't say anything but hummed while squeezing my left hand.
"You're right, we all need time, let's not get into secrets right now. Let's Build the trust for now." Jack says coming from behind me and patting my back in a soothing manner.
"We've got time, right?" I asked looping my arms through the jacket.
"Y-yeah." He seemed hesitant but still managed to smile. Why did I find the smile fake? He seemed to be hiding something and I want to ask but by the looks of it, I didn't think it was the right time. It was as if he was pushing something behind himself.
His smile was trying to overcast some lie behind those eyes, some secret he was afraid of me finding out. Don't worry Jack, there's a lot I don't want you guys to find right now too. I'm pretty sure I have time by my side, but you?
You seem hesitant, what is it Jack? You're the one who wanted to be friends so bad, to share secrets and all that.
"Yeah, sure we've got time, let's take things a little slower, yeah?"
Were you really sure Jack?
-
He wasn't sure.
They weren't sure.
Park Jack and Kim Trevor were never sure of the time they had for me, because soon enough I opened up to them and they left.
The two of them were getting closer to me with every passing day, picking me up from training, a few movie nights, conversations I could never have with anybody else except Noah. I was going back to my bubbly self, I spent more hours laughing than crying.
Friends, huh? I wasn't Trevor so Jack wasn't obligated to take care of me and neither was Trevor. So they left. The only possible reason in my mind for them to leave was because they realized how much a sad excuse of a person I was, or maybe I wasn't good enough of a friend.
And like the idiot I had always been, I told them about Jack and mom and that I was training because I wanted to be stronger. It wasn't a lie, just not the complete truth. I had told them half the truth.
Half the truth of my life to two dumb hoes that ghosted me 3 days after I poured my life story in front of them. I thought they'd stay. I thought they'll be the new family I wanted. I thought they'd understand. I thought.
It had been over a month since I first met them when jack had asked about Jack. He seemed so supportive, so protective that it almost hurt my heart to hide half the things from them. Another reason why I won't trust people again. It's been like two weeks and there's no arguing that I've changed back to the cold person I was before the two of them.
I've realized that there's no use depending on people because happiness and pain are concepts just as vague as love.
Sometimes I feel so defeated that it takes every ounce of me to train. Why am I even doing this? Who was here left to protect? Dad was gone not like he was there in the first place, Mom's gone, Jack's gone, I needed to maintain my distance from Noah too, we were always gonna be there for one-another but I couldn't afford to fight with him all the time again, Jullian, well, it wasn't like she ever wanted me.
With an over exaggerated sigh, I got out of the bathtub and patted myself dry with a towel, wrapping it around myself next. I moved towards the speaker connected to my phone and changed the song to 'cold/mess'. Turning up the volume to the maximum, I swayed slowly to rhythm of the song.
These days felt so empty with nobody around me and a repetitive cycle of eating, sleeping training, looking through papers for some clue, any clue, any help, even a simple lead.
All I had found was one of my father's known men who lived around town. I hadd asked Noah to look into it since he was smart with people and connections. His identity was anonymous, but apparently he was also known by the name R.M. He could be a great lead into finding who's men were sent here to take out mom and Jack.
I stood in front of the mirror applying lotion on my body, a lot has changed. The last time I was standing in front of the mirror for this long, I had black hair, a little above my waist, now they reached up till my love handles and the black hair from my scalp turned to red mid-length, my skin was blank before, now I have a few tattoos, six in total, five new ones.
A beautiful delicate rose wine over the left side of my collar bone crawling up towards my shoulder, one under my right breast over my ribs, "you are only confined by the walls you build yourself" it read in cursive font. A small beautiful crown with a snake draped across it at the base of the back of my neck, a really really small sunset without any filling over the right side of my pelvis and lastly a very delicate tattoo of the clouds on my left thigh. It was the biggest tattoo on my body and absolutely gorgeous.
Don't get me wrong, I wasn't trying to look goth or something (initially), these tattoos brought out my confidence.
It made me comfortable, like a canvas given for my thoughts.
I sat in the window of my room, thinking of everything that happened in the last three months. Where did everything go south? How did life go so wrong? Could I have done it better than this? What more could I have done? I changed myself completely just in order to take revenge but everything's was going so slow, the progress was almost not noticeable.
Hopefully, this R.M. man would be of help.