I WENT RIGID WHEN I OPENED THE DOOR TO THE MEDICAL CENTER. I smelled antiseptic. The air was filled with all the different disinfectants the medical team used to clean their surfaces and equipment. They made my eyes sting. My temple throbbed, and I pinched my nose. I always got migraines from the smell of bleach.
Dianthe?" Carmela's voice sounded stressed and pinched.
Before I walked into the operating room with my mouth glued shut, I took a deep breath and tried to gather my wits. I didn't want to taste or smell the bleach.
Carmela sat across from Brynner on Peter's bed. Despite her erect posture and neat bun on top of her head, she remained impossibly still. She was wearing her classic white lab coat, but had peeled off her classic gloves and threw them away. I'd guess they were soaked in Peter's blood, so she had no choice but to throw them out.
Brynner was hunched over the bed, arms crossed on top of the gurney, next to Peter's head. His chin was propped in his right hand. His eyes were bitter amber and he shot me a dirty look without moving his head. After I shot him one back, I sucked in my cheeks and bit the insides. The only thing that kept me from saying something rude to him in front of the pack's medic was that.
Carmela gestured to a chair and said, "Have a seat, Dianthe. You must be worried about your mate."
I pulled the chair close to Brynner, crouching rather than sitting in it. He stiffened in response and I resisted the urge to slap him. What was his deal? Surely he can't still be mad at me for calling him an omega...
... Right?
"I'm afraid he's in critical condition," she murmured. "It took all my knowledge to get him to change forms so I can treat his bullet wound... but it's his heart. He was shot in the chest."
The anguish forced out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding.
"Does that mean Pea is dyin--?" I couldn't finish the question. I already knew the answer. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I turned away from Carmela, but I could tell she was watching me sadly.
I'm to blame. Peter wouldn't have been shot if I hadn't forced him to come hunt with me. As I stared down at his still face, guilt bit into me like an apple.
I would have thought Peter had just fallen asleep if I didn't know better. There wasn't a drop of blood on his fair skin. She must have given him a bath after dressing his wound. I cupped my palm around his chilly face and sighed. Peter's skin was so soft, I'd never felt it before. In all our years together, I'd never touched him.
He wasn't ugly. He was the opposite.
Peter had a very worldly look. His short, lanky, dark brown hair was always pulled back into a ponytail, elongating his face and emphasizing his wide-set, dark blue eyes. Years ago, he got a silly cut on his right ear. There was something charming about him, even though he was scrawny.
I couldn't figure out why I hadn't touched him before.
"He's dying," I murmured.
Carmela touched her fingers together in front of her face and whispered, "Yes. I did everything I could to help. Now it's up to God."
Suddenly, Brynner glanced at my hand on Peter's cheek and asked, "Did you tell Griffin yet?"
Y"es, I sent your sister to tell him. He'll be here in a few minutes, so I'm guessing we'll meet tonight," Carmela said, gently patting Peter's thigh. "We were supposed to form the new pack on the full moon, but I don't think Peter will live that long."
As if on cue, Brynner looked at me. We locked eyes. My teeth bared in response to the sudden interaction, but I couldn't hide my relief. He flexed his chiseled jaw and raised his cheekbones into a scowl, but he didn't look away. I looked down at his full lips, then up at his tapered eyebrows, then back at his heavy-lipped, amber eyes. I wondered what he was thinking.
I was about to open my mouth and say something to him when a hand grabbed his shirt collar. Griffin Shorrock, the pack's Alpha and Elder, yelled as he appeared behind us, jerking Brynner's clothing. Brynner sat like a rock, not moving a muscle. Watching the old man struggle with Brynner's thick neck, broad shoulders, and toned arms was embarrassing. He tried to mimic actions that would have sent everyone but the pack's heaviest werewolf flying.
Griffin barked, "MOVE! I told you to go!"
He shot the old man a menacing look, but he stood up and stepped aside.
"I don't know what the fuck has gotten into him," Griffin murmured quietly as he glanced at Brynner one last time before turning his full attention to the boy who lay broken on the gurney before him. "Peter? What happened to him?"
"He'd been shot," I said. "During our hunt."
"Shot?" Griffin asked, "On the reservation? But who shot him?"
Carmela stared at Peter with a sad look on her face. "A hunter," she said for me. "There's no information on where he came from or who he is."
Griffin laughed out loud. "Do you mean to tell me that someone shot our next generation's Alpha despite all those federal protection signs?"
The word "yes" trembled across my lips. I couldn't bring myself to say it.
After staring at me for what seemed like forever, he snarled, "Where is he? I know you wouldn't have let him escape, Dianthe."
Panic shot through my spine and my mouth dropped open. I couldn't come up with the right words, anything that wouldn't make it sound like I was lying. Just as I opened my mouth to speak, Brynner announced, "I ate him." Griffin's eyes tightened as he scrutinized him.
Brynner spoke confidently, but his eyes were on me. I stared at him in disbelief. Is Brynner telling the truth or is he just lying for me? To the Elder Alpha of the pack? I stared at him, wondering why he would risk his life for me. He looked at Griffin, then at me with an incomprehensible expression.
Is he telling the truth?
Dread swept over me when I realized this was a possibility. Could Brynner have murdered the hunter after bringing Peter back from the hunt? Maybe he saw the boy on his way to the clinic while I lingered with Phoebe. Unless he jumped in the river, he'd be covered in the boy's scent...
Brynner's thick, black hair looked wet. Was it wet when he got Peter? I forgot. I felt sick.
Griffin seemed a bit skeptical. "Really?" he said. His unsightly yellow eyes squinted at Brynner.
Brynner stared at Griffin for a moment before he turned his attention to the ground. Brynner was stubborn, but he was an intelligent person, and even he knew that he didn't want to test the pack's elder.
"I never thought you'd let someone else avenge your mate," Griffin said, turning to me.
I whispered, "What can I say?" I wasn't looking at him. "That guy was a mouthful."
I was crushed to think that maybe Brynner ate the hunter. Wouldn't the imprint have told me if he'd been killed? Brynner glanced at me sideways. Was he hiding something? Did he know something? And if so, what?
Griffin laughed as he gripped my shoulder blade with one of his old, sticky hands. "You'll be able to eat two by next season!" He said with a knowing smile. A wave of embarrassment swept over me as I realized what he meant. In that moment, he stared at Peter as if he forgot how critical Peter was to making that happen, and grunted. "The new pack will be formed that night, whether he's with us or not."
Carmela breathlessly exhaled, "You can't possibly mean that you'll pick her a new mate before the full moon."
Brynner and I exchanged shocked looks. We both looked dazed. Pick me a mate? Just a few days before the full moon? That's only fifteen days away. Two and a half weeks to get to know a new guy before a new pack formed. It took me a lifetime to get to know Peter. We grew up believing that we were destined to be together and that he would be my mate. There wasn't enough time to form a bond with someone I didn't trust.
"You can't!" I shrieked, then blushed in shame when I realized I'd done something stupid. "Maybe we should wait until the next full moon? Give me some time to prepare?"
As I yelled, Griffin's eyes grew cold, but then he seemed to soften. Dianthe, dear," he said, rubbing my arm. "I know Peter means a lot to you, but your heat cycle happens every three months, and historically, the new pack is formed on the Alpha's first heat. Why should we break tradition for one's silly sentiment?"
The way he worded it made me feel like I was being dramatic. Of course, it was silly. We arranged lycan alphas without regard to compatibility. All we cared about was breeding desirable traits. It didn't matter if I liked my mate or not. Griffin only cared about the future of the Shorrock Pack.
Griffin patted my head softly when he realized my defeat. His yellow eyes gleamed as he said, "Don't worry, Dianthe. I'll find the right mate for you." He turned to face Carmela. Until then, watch Peter's condition, and if it improves, let me know. Otherwise, I'll assume he won't make it, and Elias will be the replacement."
Brynner muttered, "That's just complete bullshit."
Griffin heard him, and I blanched. Griffin spun so fast I thought he was about to break his neck. The Shorrock Elder roared, spittle flying everywhere. "What was that, omega?" Griffin demanded.
Brynner looked at Griffin's face, but the expression on his face was pure rage. He loomed over our Alpha like a giant shadow, his face bent in an ominous way.
I felt my heart drop into my stomach. Without thinking, I grabbed Brynner's arm. Griffin looked tiny in comparison to Brynner Shorrock, who seemed like the height of a mountain. As Brynner's blood drummed beneath my fingertips, I felt the fury bubbling beneath the surface. If I didn't act fast, our Alpha would be maimed.
After hearing the exchange between them, Carmela shook and yelled, "Brynner! Get out!"
He didn't even look at her. His teeth grew as he snarled. Blood rushed under my fingertips and I knew he was about to shift. I had to do something quick to get his attention. I slammed Brynner's chest and pushed myself through the small gap between their bodies.
Then Brynner's attention shifted to me. He looked down at my face, no longer enraged. His anger had turned to embarrassment, so he backed off and kept his gaze low. Then he left the clinic without saying a word.
I felt bad for him. Brynner has always had trouble with authority. It only got worse as we grew up. I knew him my whole life, so I didn't mind clashing with him, but my packmates couldn't stand him.
I looked at Griffin. He was frozen in place, flustered. It's nearly impossible to say, but I'm sure he was scared of Brynner in that moment.
Griffin said "Carmela" with a gruff voice. She turned to look at him. "Has he been taking his medication?" he asked.
Carmela glanced at me uneasy, and suddenly it felt like we were talking about something I shouldn't be hearing.
"Yes, I give Brynner's medication at the same time as the rest." She nodded slowly.
She seemed uncomfortable talking about it in front of me. I didn't really get it. Brynner took medicine? Why? For how long? And who did she mean when she said "the rest"?
Griffin looked straight at Carmela, indifferent to her discomfort. He gestured in the direction Brynner left. "Increase it." He grunted and then looked at me, like he didn't know what to do. As if I had intruded on his private moment, his eyes narrowed. "There's something wrong. That kid shouldn't be acting like that. I warned Hazel there would be trouble with him. Did she listen to me?" He rambled as he shook his head. "Dianthe, stay away from that boy."
"Stay away from him?" I repeated, confused. "Why?"
"Carmela, should you tell her or should I tell her myself?" Griffin's yellow eyes ascended toward mine.
Carmela turned to me and said, "I'll tell her." She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "As long as your mate is incapacitated, and you haven't bonded with anybody yet, males will react differently to you as your heat approaches." Glancing nervously at Griffin, she added, "I think we both agree that you should stay away from Brynner. We don't know what he's capable of, and we don't want you to suffer."
My eyebrows knitted together in a frown. Did they really think Brynner would attack me? Brynner was always civil in social situations even when he lost his cool with authority. Could he hurt me? As I remembered what happened earlier in the woods when he reached for my neck, a flicker of doubt crossed my mind. He had a violent streak, but toward me? Not really.
Griffin saw my skepticism. "Dianthe, it's time to be honest with ourselves. Even his sister thinks he can hurt you. You just saw him challenge me. Are you so deluded that you think he won't hurt you? You're a beautiful girl. I've seen the way he looks at you."
I clenched my jaw, but I didn't blink when he looked at me.
"I respect Brynner. He's my friend. Everything is going to be fine," I said.
A friend... kind of. We were kind of antagonistic. Our age and social standing forced us together. His attitude never really appealed to me, but I appreciated him at times. Like today. Brynner lied to Griffin when he asked me what I did with the hunter. Friends lie for each other, right?
Griffin repeated, "Fine?" He crossed his arms over his chest and grunted, "Who's gonna be fine? Don't you know how Alpha's heat influences guys?"
I stared at the floor as flames swept over my cheeks. Of course I didn't know. This is my first heat cycle. How would I know what it does to males in my immediate vicinity? I hated him at that moment.
Carmela cleared her throat. "We only want you to be safe, Dianthe. If you got pregnant by Brynner or another omega man--"
"I'll be fine," I whispered. My words were a little squeaky.
Griffin caught my attention again when he laughed. I glared at him in anger and embarrassment. He smiled patronizingly as he watched me squirm.
"Right." He turned to the lycan medic. "This ceremony cannot be disrupted or delayed under any circumstances."
He walked over and extended his hand to her. She leaned toward him and briefly pressed her face against his open palm. He turned to me. Despite my reluctance, I pressed my cheek against his hand, trying not to think about how much I wanted to bite him.
"You might think you're out of the woods, but you're not." He touched my lip, scraping his nails hard enough to make me flinch.
I felt sick to my stomach.
Griffin turned away from me and rubbed Peter's head as a final goodbye. Then he left Carmela and me alone. After the Shorrock Elder left, Peter's breathing got unbearably loud. I leaned my cheek against my knees while I drew my knees up to my chest. It wasn't until the front door closed that I could breathe.
Carmela said, "I'm so sorry. About Peter. About Brynner. Everything."
Inwardly, I groaned. "It's okay. You didn't do it," I told her.
"I think you should rest," Carmela said, fiddling with the gauze around Peter's chest. "I'll keep an eye on Pea tonight. Tell your dad hi for me."
"I should stay with him," I said. "It's the least I can do for him."
She rubbed her tired eyes with a hand. "I'd appreciate it if you could go home for tonight. Peter needs all of my attention, and I can't give it to him if I have to worry about you."
"Sorry," I said half-heartedly.
"Don't be sorry. It's okay. Just go home and sleep."
I got up and sat straight.
"No offense meant, Alpha," Carmela hastily replied.
I sighed and rubbed my eyes. She didn't mean to upset me. It was a medical office after all. Even so, knowing that maybe this was my last chance to see Peter left me with a heavy heart. "I know. I'm going."
I smiled softly at Carmela as she stepped back from the gurney so I could say goodbye. I cupped Peter's face in my hands as I kissed his cheek. As I prayed that he would forgive me for not being there for him in his darkest hour, my heart ached.
"I love you, Pea," I whispered as my lips caressed his cheek.
I was hoping he heard me despite being unconscious.
I knew this was probably the last time I'd touch him. My lips touched his. It was our first and last kiss. I lingered a little longer on his face before I left. Carmela glanced at me before running to get fresh linen and supplies.
As I turned to leave, I silently wept. I had disappointed myself. I've been so selfish. I mean, what was I thinking? How is it I'd save his killer but not bother to look out for my own mate? How could I be so cruel?
I stepped outside the clinic's front door with my face buried in my hands. There was a large, dark figure lurking in the shadows of the clinic building, but my eyes were so watery I couldn't see it.
Diane?
I turned around when I heard Brynner's voice. Out of the shadows came a huge, black wolf. I wiped my tears furiously, embarrassed that he caught me crying.
My embarrassment led me to ask, "What are you doing still here?"
Brynner just stared at me and shuffled his paws like he didn't know the answer.
Embarrassment turned into frustration. "Is it too much to ask you a question, Bryn? Would it kill you to answer? I'm your Alpha for goodness sake."
Sorry.
His apology quieted my anger. My eyes kept leaking tears I couldn't wipe away. No longer was I ashamed of letting him see me cry.
I couldn't shake my mind from something else.
My voice was low and serious. "Brynner," I said. "I have something to ask you."
What? His voice had a defensive tone, as if he had already been offended by my unspoken question. Although I was reluctant to continue, I looked him straight in the eye.
"Did you really eat the hunter?"
There was a moment of demoralizing silence as Brynner stared at me. I just wanted Brynner to be honest with me in that moment, and to stop being defensive.
"Bryn...?"
He changed forms without saying a word. He towered over me. He had a stony expression. When I looked into his eyes for an answer, I realized his silence had answered it.
That's when I realized he'd gone to great lengths to establish his story. I came into the clinic after he got wet outside. Griffin was likely to ask about the Hunter, so he made up a believable story to protect me.
I was awestruck. "Why did you lie for me?" I asked.
Brynner replied half-heartedly, shoving his hands into his pockets, "I knew you had your reasons."
He glanced at me with a knowing look. Despite our bad blood, I was surprised he'd risk execution for me. My throat filled with a gross wad of tear-snot as I sniffed. I was only able to choke out a small laugh from the disgust on his face as he turned away and cringed.
"I hope I don't regret it," he said, walking away.
As he slipped back into the darkness, I murmured, "Me, too."