I SPENT THE REMAINDER OF THE EVENING WITH PETER ALONE AT THE CLINIC, with Carmela stopping by from time to time to check his vitals. I learned from her that the senior council had decided to place him into a medically induced coma in order to control the pressure dynamic of his brain.
As only a day had passed since the incident, they were still uncertain what to do if Peter did not recover. Since he lasted the day, Carmela had told me, he had a slim chance of survival. It was also possible, however, for him to remain in a vegetative state for the rest of his life. The worst-case scenario, according to Naomi, Peter's mother, would be to remove the life support. No one could blame her for wanting to protect her baby, even if he spent his remaining days comatose.
As I lay on the bed beside him, I watched his chest slowly rise and fall. Knowing Peter, I knew if given the choice he would choose to hold onto life, even if it meant he lived his entire life in pain and disability. He probably would have said something like "I would take any pain for the opportunity to spend another day with my family." My lips curled in a sad laugh as I wiped tears from my eyes. Peter had the softest heart of all the pack. I buried my face into the blanket Carmela draped over him and lay my head on his shoulder.
Keeping my head on his shoulder, I tucked my body closer to him. He deserved to know I was sorry. If only I had been given the chance to explain to him why I didn't avenge him, I would have done so. I yearned for the chance to ask for his forgiveness in order to escape from the guilt of imprinting on his attacker.
Deep down, I knew that chance would never come. In my opinion, Judas' assumption that he was shot with a silver bullet was right. Carmela told me it was a clean hit - the bullet Caleb shot him with passed straight through his chest and out the other side. The silver bullet might still be out there if I ventured back out to the area of the accident and looked around.
After adjusting the blankets so Peter wouldn't get cold, I got up. I silently reassured him I would be back soon as I stroked the hair off of his sleeping face. "I love you, Pea... I hope you get better."
With that, I left Peter's bedside to tell Carmela that I was leaving. I was greeted with a smile as I approached her small nursing station, and she stood up to give me a hug. "Peter is so lucky to have you as a partner," she said. Her smile faded as she recalled Griffin's errant statement last night that he was planning to select me another mate before the full moon. She corrected herself, "Lucky to have you as his Alpha."
While part of me wanted to reassure her that it was okay that she had said that he was my partner, I felt it was wise to leave that topic alone. In essence, Griffin ended our prearranged relationship last night by saying that he would find me another mate by the full moon ceremony. Both Griffin and I knew that he would not make a full recovery in time for the unification of the new pack.
Still, I clung to the hope that Peter would recover so that I would not have to mate with an unfamiliar male in the pack. With Peter as my only love throughout my adolescence, starting over with someone else in just a month left me feeling uncomfortable. The one-sided romantic imprint I had with a human did not help matters either. My life would have been easier if Peter and I had never crossed paths with Caleb.
As soon as I stepped out of the clinic, I changed forms.
It was raining outside, but the temperature was still pleasant for a night in September. In order to be sure no one else was up and patrolling, I sniffed the air. It smelled like everyone was at home, except for a few lycans at the other end of the reservation. Their stale scent gave me an indication that they hadn't been this way in a while. I silently slipped into the forest, confident I was in the clear.
It took me only a few minutes to get to the hunting grounds. There was a faint scent of Caleb lingering in the air, and I inhaled it greedily, as if I were starving for just a whiff of him. In a flash, another scent filled the air, that of heavily flavored Scotch and that of sawdust. It was a scent I immediately recognized and I turned in time to see Brynner emerge from the brambles carrying a bloody mass.
Hey, what's up? What are you doing out here? My questions were directed at him as he approached.
''I could ask you the same question, but I know you would never answer me honestly," Brynner grumbled as he squatted down and tossed the bloody mass at my paws.
The pile of bloody flesh he tossed to me wasn't just some discarded body parts, but actually the remains of a dead cat. From the animal's mangled neck hung an identification tag that identified it's name as Missy. As I returned my gaze to Brynner, I squinted in confusion at him as I struggled to understand what was going on.
Um... wow, nice catch, I responded, not knowing what to say.
Brynner narrowed his eyes at me in irritation.
I guess I didn't respond the way he expected me to.
What? I asked as I slumped back on my haunches. What would you like me to do with it? Eat it with you?
As he stood, Brynner snapped at me, saying, "No, you stupid fool." In the moonlight, I noticed scratches on his arms, probably caused by the cat. The fact that Brynner pursued it in human form surprised me. The cat had to be up in a tree for Brynner to need human limbs to reach it. "It's his cat. What is wrong with your nose? You can't smell anymore?"
Before a realization struck me, I felt myself scrunching up in confusion. The "his" Brynner referred to was who?
Then it hit me: he meant the hunter.
There was a faint odor of Caleb's scent emanating from this cat.
Suddenly, Missy's mangled body came into sharp focus. As I scanned this cat's personalized name tag and colored nail caps, my heart sank in recognition of how much she was loved by her owner. I was heartbroken to realize Caleb came to the reservation last night because of this cat. As it turned out, the hunter was only trying to locate his lost kitten and bring her back home.
It was clear that Brynner did not feel the same empathic sentiment, and his lips curled into a snarl. "Peter was shot because the jackass let his cat outside."
Brynner didn't appear to know that the hunter was attending our school, as evidenced by his mannerisms. Caleb, after all, had just arrived at the last class of the day while Brynner was sleeping in the nurse's office.
As my fur fell back from my face, I shifted into a different form. "Where did you find her?" I asked.
In an effort to examine the scratches on his arms, Brynner rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. A line of blood bubbled from the gashes, and he smeared it with his thumb. "Near the river," he replied. "It was up in a tree with a mountain lion."
"The mountain lion attacked you, didn't it?" I inquired, glancing up in surprise.
He looked at me as if I was stupid. "Can't you tell a cat scratch from a cougar scratch?"
"I don't know," I admitted honestly. I've never faced a cougar before.
Brynner glanced at me incredulously before he sighed, "You're hopeless, Diane."
I was hopeless. I sighed as I looked down at Missy, Caleb's pet. Since Caleb's cat was in such terrible shape, I couldn't exactly return her. The idea of handing him back a bloody, mangled heap of flesh would be morbid.
I stared at Missy's body blankly as I said to myself, "Damn, Bryn. You sure took it all out on this poor girl."
In Brynner's amber eyes, something unfathomable flashed. A grimace twisted across his face. "Stop being weird. Showing sympathy for prey is unlike you." He grabbed Missy's body by her scruff and violently yanked her collar off her neck. The collar was a safety release clip. Then he gestured for me to hold out my hand and dropped it into my palm. "Besides, I didn't do this to her. The cougar did. All that was left of her after I got to her was this."
I scrutinized Brynner's face for any signs of deception. The corners of his mouth twitched in response to being inspected, as if he were fighting back a growl. As strands of his hair flew in front of his eyes, I absentmindedly observed: "When you lie, it's very difficult to tell."
"Well, it's difficult to tell when you're telling the truth," Brynner replied.
I flinched and looked away.
Despite not wanting him to answer, I asked, "What do you mean by that?"
He looked into my eyes and whispered, "You're hiding something from me. From all of us."
In an attempt to shift attention off myself, I asked Brynner: "What could I possibly be hiding from the nosiest omega in the pack?" As I glanced around, I noticed that there was a strange silence, and before I could react, he was inches away from my face, his nose almost touching mine.
"Diane," he said lowly, almost growling, "try thinking before you speak once."
Had I been an omega, I would have been terrified. There was something about having Brynner up in your face that just left you shaking. The ferocious anger of this man unnerved me even though I knew he was harmless.
Despite my nervousness, I squared my shoulders, determined not to back down. To my defiance, his eyes grew tight, his expression contemptuous. I growled as I glared at him, warning him not to push it.
His gaze flicked down to my lips, then back up at my eyes. I could see the spite he held for me dancing in his deep, amber eyes as he contemplated whether or not to provoke me further. As my frown deepened, I whispered, "I always think before I speak."
"No, you don't," he responded breathlessly, as he attempted to hold back a retort that would hurt. His breath tickled my nose as it billowed softly on my face. "Since we were kids, you've never thought before you spoke, Diane. You're playing a dangerous game without even knowing it."
"Is that a threat, Bryn?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
He tilted his head ever so slightly, to the point that I thought he was about to kiss me. My jaw dropped and I threw my hand in between our faces, effectively cutting the line of communication between us. Brynner let out an indignant splutter as he jumped back, looking confused and angrily at me. I turned back to him with the same angry and confused look, yelling, "What the Hell, Brynner?"
"What?" he asked, as if he had no idea what I was mad about.
I yelled, "Don't 'What?' Me! You were about to kiss me!"
"I wasn't," Brynner replied, his expression completely bewildered. His head shook as though I had totally dumbfounded him. "What the fuck would ever make you think I was about to do that?"
Gritting my teeth, I shut my mouth. Okay, maybe I overreacted. Maybe I just assumed he was about to kiss me since it really seemed like he was about to. A sigh escaped my lips. Was I just misinterpreting things? Perhaps there was something really wrong and perverse with me.
I waved my hand dismissively as I said, "forget it, all in my head."
He raised his brow, perturbed, as he glanced at me. After ignoring his baffled expression for a second time, I sighed again and ran my hands through my hair in frustration. I had had enough already. The shooting, the cat, the imprint, the full moon ceremony, and Brynner's uncalled-for aggression -- all of it was enough. It was all ridiculously aggravating.
Bringing the conversation back to Missy, I said, "I'm glad we figured out why the hunter came here in the first place. It's nice to know that it wasn't a random act of violence."
Based on his look at me, I realized he didn't want to talk about anything else tonight after accusing him of nearly kissing me. An awkward silence descended between us, and I nervously nicked my bottom lip. A few minutes had passed when he suddenly started speaking: "I am not allowed to kiss you, let alone touch you. Alphas and omegas are not allowed to have any type of relationship."
The other night, Griffin and Carmela warned me that I should stay away from Brynner if I was in heat. Or any omega male, for that matter. The Council prohibits conception without permission. Alphas and betas were the only ones permitted to form relationships, and even those had to be arranged in advance by the senior council. I knew all this, but hearing Brynner say it didn't sit right with me.
I could not imagine being forbidden from having a romantic relationship. Well, technically, I could, given my forbidden relationship with my human imprint. But that was not the same as never being allowed to have a close relationship with anyone. Because we were teenagers and experiencing puberty, I wondered what that was like for Brynner. I was still a virgin, but I had at least kissed someone. Did Brynner and Phoebe have their first kisses yet? Sure, it was forbidden at home, but what about at school?
Phoebe might have, since she is more tolerant of humans, but Brynner definitely didn't. I couldn't imagine him kissing any of the girls who attended our school.
While my mind wandered to the image of a Brynner cradling some faceless girl, belly swollen from pregnancy, I whispered, "I know." That idea annoyed me for some reason I don't understand. Maybe because I see Brynner as a jerk and can't fathom how anyone could fall in love with someone like him. I refused to believe the idea upset me for any other reason. "It's not permitted, because it spoils our bloodline."
Brynner repeated the phrase while air-quoting it with his fingers: "Spoils our bloodline." He laughed harshly, "People already think we are cousins. How much more spoiled can our bloodline get?" Suddenly silent, he gave me a serious look. "It's exactly one month until Griffin picks you up a new boyfriend and forces you to get pregnant with the new guy's kid."
My cheeks turned crimson-red. "Brynner, you don't have to remind me."
Brynner ran a hand through his hair in frustration, as I did a few minutes ago. It would appear that this revelation bothered Brynner a great deal. His face twisted into a grimace as he continued, "He'll be much older than you. There are no other alphas or betas in our age group; he will likely be from our parents' generation."
As a seventeen-year-old, my stomach twisted at the idea of being with someone in their forties. I shuddered and wondered what an honorable Shorrock Alpha would say and do in such a case.
"It is my responsibility as Alpha to ensure the next generation's development," I murmured. "Even if it costs me myself."
"Yeah, right," he replied flatly, his look telling me he was far from convinced. "I'm not buying it. This is a load of bullshit."
Even before I opened my mouth, I was already defensive, but Brynner continued to rant, saying: "What's the point of having a senior council? We're wolves. We're wild animals. What happened to our original hierarchy?"
Most of us could understand his frustration with the current wolf pack hierarchy. This is because it has only been in the last seventy years that the seniors have discarded the old wolf pack structure in favor of the more modern one. It was unknown whether the goal was to blend more with humanity as the population increased or if it was for another reason.
"We'll be okay, Brynner," I said, trying to change the subject. "We should go home. It's getting late."
He stared hard at me, his expression cold and stoic. I tried not to look away under the crushing weight of his gaze. As school was never a priority for Brynner, I knew he could care less about it getting late. In order to find the silver bullet in peace, I just needed him to leave.
He flatly replied, feigning surprise, "Wow, yeah. It sure is late." To spite me, he topped the exaggerated gesture by pointing at his imaginary wristwatch. "Yep, it's time to go to bed."
It was impossible to avoid scowling as Brynner continued to mock me by pretending to yawn and rub his eyes. "Yep, I'll see you in the morning," he said as he walked toward me. Before he passed by me, he paused and then his tone dropped. "Follow suit and go home. I've already found the bullet."
Then, with a grunt, he disappeared into the woods, leaving me in a state of total unease. At this point, it felt as if I was being caught red-handed as I tried to find something to say, anything to say.
As I stood there, shame robbed me of my ability to speak. Guilt became my new companion during that time of humiliation, as I became absorbed in the forest's nighttime silence.