My dream that night, after following Brynner's command to go home was -- of course -- of Caleb, Peter's "kind of sort of" killer. The wolf in me found it terribly frustrating that he was one of the few people on this planet I would never be able to claim as my own. The Caleb in my dream knew that I was a lycan, and he embraced me with open arms.
After the rest of the dream played out, I awoke, feeling an inescapable loneliness gnawing at my heart. Knowing it was all a dream and that he would never be mine left me physically and mentally exhausted.
For the first time in my life, I struggled to fully awaken and get out of bed. On the other side of the house, I could hear Mom yelling at Dad to get something off the floor. As I brushed my fingers through my tangled bed hair, I groaned and raked away some strands. Looking in my bedroom mirror, I realized I not only felt a mess, but looked one as well. I sighed at the idea of having to shower before heading to school today.
The fact that today was my first day as Caleb's assistant made scrubbing up a bit more bearable. As I jumped from my bed toward my closet, I felt a strange giddiness in my stomach. Although I felt that I had given up on Caleb and any kind of intimacy with him, I eagerly searched through my closet for one of my most adorable outfits.
To wear with my cuffed skinny jeans and sneakers, I chose one of my trendiest shirts. After taking a shower, curling my hair, and applying tinted lip-gloss, I ran downstairs to the kitchen. From the kitchen table, Dad and Judas glanced at me, and Mom gasped in surprise when she saw me.
She looked me up and down as she said, "Oh, my, Dianthe. You look so... so..."
"So not you," Judas said for her, raising an eyebrow. "What's the occasion?"
"There's no special occasion," I lied, trying to avoid their questioning stares. On my way to the kitchen counter, I looked at what they had for breakfast. When I saw the trout, I wrinkled my nose. "Ugh, I hate fish."
"These were caught by your friend Cora's father James," Mom explained. "He always catches the really tasty ones. You should try it."
As Jude tore into his breakfast, he laughed, "Don't bother with her, ma. Dianthe is the only wolf on earth who would rather starve to death than eat a fish."
A wide-eyed Mom gasped, "What? Why?"
My arms crossed defensively over my chest as I muttered, "I just don't like the taste of them. Their texture, their smell... all of it is just disgusting."
As Mom grabbed a trout off the serving platter and swung it downward in front of Dad's face, she said, "Your father loved fish." Dad jumped as if he had been knocked out of his reverie when the fish smacked into the side of his mouth. Turning, he snapped down on the fish loudly. "He was definitely the best fisher in the pack. Well, him and Bryna both were."
Both Dad and I flinched when Bryna's name was uttered. I shivered at the memory of Brynner (her son) from last night, and between the smell of fish and the anxiety the thought of him gave me made me feel sick. I noticed, despite my nausea, that dad had changed his mood, just as he had done yesterday when Judas mentioned Griffin. Dad had just finished eating the trout just a few seconds ago. Now he stared blankly at it on the floor.
"Mom, who is Bryna?" asked Judas, unaware of the tension coming from dad.
My soft voice interrupted, "Bryna is Brynner and Phoebe's mother."
"What?" Judas gasped, genuinely surprised. His eyes were fixed on me and then on our mother. Our mother nodded, and Jude's eyes grew wider. "I had no idea! Wait a minute, did their mom name Brynner after herself?" he asked.
I, too, was curious about the answer, even though I had never asked the question before. A tinkling laugh escaped Mom as she ruffled dad's ears with her hand. Dad shifted his weight under her touch and resumed eating the fish, evidently over whatever mental pain had been plaguing him.
She patted Dad's head, laughing, "Your father actually named him after her."
"Our dad?" Judas and I shouted in unison, equally shocked.
She laughed, amused by our surprise at the revelation. "He is the one who named Bryna's son Brynner in her honor."
When I looked between dad and Judas, then back at mom, I said, "I don't understand. Why would Dad name someone else's child?"
Jude asked, "Did Dad also father Phoebe and Brynner?"
Mother scowled at Judas' question, tightening the corners of her eyes. As she spoke, Dad glanced up at her with his deep, round, wolfish eyes. "Of course not!" Mom snapped. "Brynner and Phoebe have a different dad, I promise."
I couldn't help but raise my eyebrows. Dad laid his head on Mom's lap as she took a deep breath and relaxed her shoulders. Mom explained that Callias and Bryna were best friends. "She was his unofficial beta," she said. "In the days before we turned eighteen, Griffin partnered us up with our mates. I was paired up with your father, and Bryna was paired up with Jasper. Bryna and Jasper did not get along well. They frequently fought."
I tried to visualize Jasper and recall what he looked like. In the distant past, I remember Jasper as a tall, lanky guy who often kept to himself and avoided direct communication. I don't remember exactly when he disappeared, but it had to have been before Bryna mysteriously disappeared.
"Bryna and Jasper didn't get along, so Dad named her kid in Jasper's place?" Jude asked, confused.
Mom admitted sadly, "Kind of. During the pregnancy, Bryna's mate Jasper refused to believe that her son was his, and refused to name him."
"So, dad named him rather than Jasper?"
"Yes," Mom replied. "Callias named him Brynner after his mother, so he would not be associated with his scumbag father."
I tried to visualize Brynner as a baby, cradled in my dad's arms. It must have taken a great deal of love and trust on my mother's part to allow my father to name Bryna's firstborn child. "So then, who named Phoebe?" I asked. "They both have the same father, right?"
"Jasper's her dad, too," confirmed Mom. "I suppose Bryna named her, though. Jasper died shortly before she was born."
Judas asked, "Did he die naturally or was he killed?"
A smirk tugged at the corners of Mom's lips as she shrugged. "Who knows? I can't imagine anyone would have cared that much about him to find out."
While I agreed with that sentiment, on some level, I would have preferred to know what actually happened to him instead of just assuming. Bryna's disappearance and dad's inability to shift back into human form are two examples of situations where the unknown was scarier than the known. "Good riddance, I suppose?" I replied.
Mom nodded in agreement. "Good riddance indeed," she said. Then, she looked down at her wristwatch, and then at me again. "Are you sure you do not want to try some fish?" she asked. "It's about time for you to leave."
"No, really, I'm okay," I said, picking up my book bag from the floor. "I'll eat during lunch break. I'll be fine."
"Isn't it a bit risky to skip a meal?" Judas asked between bites of fish. "We are dangerous around humans when we are hungry, according to Griffin."
The look I shot Judas was disapproving, one he would have shrunk from had he not been my brother. I snapped, "Last time I checked, Griffin was the one who suggested we go to a human school. Don't underestimate my self control."
I recalled the night I met the hunter, and how easily I could have swallowed him whole back then. Suddenly my mouth watered, and I blinked and swallowed hard. "Besides, it's only four hours until lunchtime," I continued. "I'll just sneak out then and grab something small."
"Whatever you say, sis," Judas responded with a casual shrug as he swallowed the last of his breakfast. "Whatever you say."
My irritation at his apparent indifference made me frown, and Mom's eyes twinkled between us, clearly concerned. I waved my hand at her, "I'll be okay, mom. It's only four hours. I'll be okay, and besides, my pack mates are there to help me if anything goes wrong."
Mom let out a sigh of relief as she eased back a bit. She replied, "You're right, Brynner will be there."
I twitched involuntarily after she mentioned Brynner. Was she thinking that Brynner was someone who looked after me? Did she think Brynner would stop me from devouring a human if I became berserk? The notion of Brynner restraining me bothered me a bit.
"Yeah," I murmured. "Brynner will be there. I am okay."
As Mom nodded, she seemed pacified by the notion that Brynner could use his strength to fend me off in public for having skipped breakfast. Phoebe was waiting for me in the parking lot, so I grunted under my breath, kissed Mom's forehead, waved goodbye to Dad, and left the kitchen. Jude wasn't too far behind me as we walked to Phoebe's car, and we gradually caught up with each other.
Jude asked me as we approached the back car door, "Are you sure you'll be OK?"
As I opened the door, I grumbled, "Yeah, why shouldn't I be? Brynner will be--"
When I caught a glimpse of Brynner in the front seat, my words froze in my throat. He was bent over, his forehead pressed against the dashboard of the car, his hair covering his face. Phoebe was leaning over him, gently rubbing his back, her expression alarming. When Phoebe heard us open the door, her eyes flickered to mine and she met my gaze.
"Brynner got sick again," she said, "just a few minutes ago."
A fevered glare shot out of the corner of Brynner's eyes as he turned his head to the side. As I climbed into the back seat, I leaned over the center console and used the back of my hand to brush his hair away from his eyes. I asked, "What happened to you? You were fine just a few hours ago."
Brynner slapped my hand away, but did not lift his head off the dashboard. "What are you dressed up for?" he growled, blatantly ignoring my concern for his well-being. "Do you have a date?"
Just like that, any concerns I had about him evaporated. As I buckled my seat belt, I said to Phoebe, "He's fine. Let's go." Jude gawked at me, bewildered, as I turned crimson red. "What?" I snapped. "He's fine, let's go."
If Brynner was able to ask a dumb question like that, then he was more than fine in my opinion. My eyes stayed fixed on my lap as I awaited Phoebe to just start the car and leave. However, Brynner seemed to have other plans as he raised his head and turned to continue antagonizing me.
"Why do you look like that? You curled your hair?" he asked, his amber eyes fixed on my lips. "What's that on your mouth?"
I tasted the lip gloss I had applied a few moments ago as I licked my lips, embarrassed and annoyed by his question. "Is it a crime to dress up once in a while?" I snapped. "I just want to look cute for a change. Is that a problem?"
"You're always c--," he began, but stopped before the word came out. He rubbed his head against the headrest with nausea flickering across his face as we both squinted in annoyance. "I was just wondering."
"Yeah, well, stop wondering," I said lamely, looking down at my clenched hands. "Just wanted to do something new today."
As Brynner's sister revved the engine and accelerated out of the driveway, I waited for another catty response from him. Luckily, it didn't come. When I peeked up at him, he was staring blankly out the window, almost... upset? His expression was so pensive it didn't fit him. I wasn't sure if his look was caused by the pain he was in, or by me, but I didn't want to speculate.
The day had just begun and my feelings were already embarrassed enough.