I decided to give this whole deal a try.
Now all I need is a way to start a fire.
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Ah yes, an old double A battery and a gum wrapper. Now where to find lumber...
I could just burn a body and give some of these dead folks a proper cremation, but they're so rotten I don't wanna be near them for longer than a bunker raid.
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I guess I can just burn a lone tree, it's not like I really need the extra oxygen anyway.
A wildfire would be REALLY bad, nevermind.
Should I just cremate someone's waxy body?
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It would be the right thing to do, but does it really matter? It's not like you live after death anyway. The Bible says "The dead know nothing at all." So I trust that.
I'll just respectfully let them rot in peace.
For now, they're buried anyway.
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What to burn?
I think I'll just look for twigs in the forest a mile away.
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Okay there's one, two, three, four, ..., eight, nine, TEN. Okay that should be enough to make a large bonfire visible a mile away. I might as well cause the fire here, I mean I already closed and locked my comfortable prison apartment with electricity, tv, and video games and 3 months of food and water.
Thank you life hacks Yootoob channels for giving me something that is ACTUALLY useful, I wish they taught more McGryvirh - esque things.
The fire immediately sticks out a high pillar or flames, ready to consume all in it's path.
After about 20 minutes, Lou and to of her army men greet me.
"Hello Jaemis. So do you want to be a political endorser of me?"
"No."
"Then why did you call us out here?"
"I want to be your friend. I don't believe in politics, never have, I stand by my apolitical viewpoint. I think being simply an open approver of you as a person should suffice, and I get to see you and your husband less. A win-win for both of us. I might even bring my phone so we can watch anime or a football game or something, my phone's thumbprint, face, and voice locked anyway so it's not even worth stealing."
"That is a massive win-win for both of us."
"I just want water."
"No introduction to a woman or newly 18 year old girl?"
"You make it sound predatory."
"Ah yeah."
"It's fine, maybe a natural meeting would be better. But I do want to meet the old scientist."
"Oh he's dead, died of a heart attack. His granddaughter, one of the 18-21 girls at our town replaced him since she was an eco science major and knew the process."
"Is she single?"
"Duh."
"Is she cute?"
"Second most beautiful person in the town, besides me of course."
"Wow...."
I mean she kinda isn't wrong, Lou is probably the prettiest live woman I've seen in the past 5 ish years, my 11th grade math teacher though...
"Interesting."
"I will not introduce you to her, you can introduce yourself to her. Her dad is very overprotective of his 9 daughters, he's also ex-military, he just didn't wanna join the army."
"Dang he has to deal with 10 women?"
"His wife was put to death by the town for murdering their 10th child and someone else. There's currently 30 middle aged women that throw themselves on him at least once per time he goes outside."
"Dang bro. I'd be overprotective too."
"Right?"
"Will you at least let me meet the girl?"
"Sure, receive your water at your own risk. I'll keep the horny women off of you when you visit, but that's it."
"All right President Lou. Was nice seeing you. Can I come with you? I brought my phone with me, you got a flat white surface I can spread the video onto?"
"I wanna watch a football game, and yes, my house's walls inside are white."
"I only downloaded super bowls and playoff games."
"Do you have the 2022 playoff game between Kansas City and Buffalo? I was 10 watching that game and I've been a fan of Buffalo ever since."
"Lemme check my 500000 TB external hard drive."
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"Yo yep."
"Does Armin watch football?" I ask.
"Yeah, when Berlin got a football team he was freaking out, he's been a Berlin Blitz fan ever since. Too bad they sucked."
"Yeah it's a shame."
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Lou escorted me to her place. I was talking with her and all the single young women, like she expected, were applauding Dictator Lou.
"What are you doing here?" Armin questions.
"Putting on a football game for us all to be entertained. I have enough videos to waste away watching."
"I see."
"I also have a piece offering to give y'all next visit. Two glasses worth of wine. I only have about 20 glasses left, I'm saving two for my marriage date, and the last 16 for fun."
"You. Have. Wine... and football."
"Yep, year aged and football games up to 35 years ago.."
"Come back anytime, take all the water you want."
He broke.
I didn't bring my taser, I just brought a knife that I have sheathed on my back in the deep crease.
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We watched the game. It's still probably the best football game of all time.
After the game, they let me visit the granddaughter of the old scientist man. If I can get married to her, that would be amazing. Not many girls like white guys with dreads, but if your hair is as kinky as mine, it's that or a fade fro, and I'm too white to pull off the fade fro. At least white guys with dreadlocks is an Oregon thing. I've never met a guy with blonde hair and blue eyes pull off a fade fro. Black or brown haired white guys can. Not me.
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I make it to the lab.
"Hello miss, what's your name?"
"I'm-new to this uh, I'm Gayeul Nguyen-Bündaß. Just call me Gayeul."
I see this absolutely stunning mixed girl that looks freakishly similar to my girlfriend in Dino Hunter, without the light red hair and fairer skin with beautiful purple eyes. I've never met anyone with purple eyes without albinism, she's not even albino because her skin is darkish.
"You have such beautiful eyes, I've only met people with albinism that have that eye color."
"I'm apparently unique in which only my eyes got albinism."
"That's so cool. My name's Jaemis Jaksihn. Nice meeting you."
"Nice meeting you."
"Okay let's cut to the chase, I need a gallon of water, President Lou's orders."
"Just grab one from back there."
"Thank you so much for your hard work, and I'm sorry for your loss. I'll see you next week."
"Thank you, and yeah, see you."
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Lou's army escorts me half a mile out of the town then I walk to my destination, home. I make sure absolutely no one is watching, and pop in the long pin and get inside.
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That was cool, I can sell entertainment for water and benefit the Dictator all at the same time, it's a win-win for everybody.