I finally have a bike. I really wanna just go to that city.
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I can't take the tinge off, I should just do it.
I parked the bike in my bunker, all my valuables are with me.
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And then I run into Armin when I get out and lock my bunker.
"Did you always have a bike on you?" he asks.
"No. I found it."
"Can I try it out?"
"No."
"Come on!"
"Want me to electrocute you again?"
"Fine."
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Which direction was it again? Ah yeah bottom right.
"Eat my dust Armin!" I say to that stiff.
"I hate you!"
"Remember who has your entertainment!"
"I still hate you."
I couldn't hear that fool anymore after that.
I'm sorry man, but I'm not letting anyone in my crib.
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Dead bodies, mold, tumours, all that good stuff. Still looking for roaches though, and maybe some chickens too.
I bet there's two people in some island that are living the life right now, probably just sitting at the beach free falling with their spouse and drinking pina coladas without having a care in the world right now.
Now I do live the life in Albania, and if I do find a beach nearby, I might try it. Without the pina colada part. I'm so stupid for not downloading the map offline.
Besides that, yeah, there's a lot of rotting corpses. Normal stuff you expect on a Tuesday.
I want to get a car, I mean if I can, why not?
There has to be at least one Landborghino around here.
Eh, I need the exercise.
"What's the house that looks the wealthiest."
Okay a Nikola, nice car, it's electric.
I THINK I'll raid this one.
The house has bird statues, a Nikola car right next to a CHARGING station.
Some may say this is luck, but remember, it's not luck when you know you have a score.
There's a dead guy next to it.
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Let's steal some stuff.
I kick the door open, the electricity is still working, so this is hydroelectric power right here.
Lots of photos, definitely a rich person, they love their eye rotting photos.
I rip them up because I didn't wanna look at them, I see rotting corpses all the time, but organs are a no no. Not in the mood for getting distracted with disgust.
That's a big TV, but mine's bigger.
Candles, lamps, yada yada yada.
Batteries? Pain medication? Anything useful?
Ohohoho.
A safe. It's either money, gems, more distasteful photos, a deed, or a weapon.
Let's look for a combo, gems or a sword would be great, especially for picking cockroaches from afar.
Ibuprofen? Amazing.
Protection? Save for a special day.
Birth control? Can't be too safe, even if it's your wife. Put it in the bag. Children should always be planned.
I wish I could take this couch with me, but it wouldn't fit.
It's so comfy.
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Okay hmmm, oooh a book! Let's see and OH MY GOD WHAT IS UP WITH RICH PEOPLE AND THEIR LIVE ART! UGH!
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Why is there a book full of surgeries?
Okay now here's a magazine I can get behind...
Beautiful women of all colors, expensive cars I'll probably never get to drive, clothes, yep this is my type of magazine. Not dirty, nothing to cleanse your eyes after seeing it, not arousing, but two of my 5 favorite things are in there, pretty women and cars. It just needs anime, video games, and football to be one of the best magazines of all time.
Hmmm...
Whomever owned this house was a disgusting human being. But at the very least, that person had amazing taste when it came to CLEAN female athlete posters.
Aaliyah Wakayama, the first woman to get drafted in the NFL. She was, maybe still is, an absolute unit. 5 foot 8, 145 pounds. No matter how large the man that tackled her, if she got tackled, which was super rare, she shrugged it off like no big deal. 3 super bowl MVPs, 3 MVPs, 6 Offensive Player of the year awards in her 10 years in the NFL. All for the Jackson Hippos in Mississippi, her birth state. She was a beautiful woman too, even with all her scars she got being a Wideback. First person to accumulate 2000 receiving yards and 1000 yards rushing. Second fastest person besides Yusaen Bolte ever recorded. This poster is her with her goal to goal punt return in the Super Bowl.
Let's just say she was the highlight of my teen years.
Enough reminiscing.
Gotta find that code.
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Hmmm. Maybe it's in the kitchen.
Man this is some fine china. Like FINE china.
Bamboo chairs! Yeah, this person was tasteful in expensive stuff, besides the photos.
I should cop the rocking bamboo chair, lemme just put it in the trunk real quick with all the other stuff...
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Okay real silverware, to be expected. Don't mind if I do.
A hydroflask, why not? Some metal bowls too.
AHA! I found the safe code.
49, 48, 2
How nice.
I open it
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THIS FOO HAD SUPER BOWL RINGS IN HERE. An Albanian football fan, never thought I'd see those words used to describe a person.
Jackson, Baltimore, Jacksonville, Detroit, Arizona, Atlanta. ALL THE COOL RINGS.
I mean it'd be a shame if I didn't wear this ice right here y'know?
Oh look, a samurai sword, crappy by design, but a long shank's a shank.
I go to the bathroom to take a piss.
OH MY.
A full jacuzzi!
I wish.
I wish.
Lemme take a shower, no one's gonna mind that I'm gonna be using it right? I don't have to close the bathroom door right?
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I NEEDED A SHOWER, SPIT BATHS ARE NOT IT!
I feel so clean right now, high quality soap and all the good stuff.
I get ready again for another round of looting.
Man I'm coming back here to take showers! I'm surprised the water still works!
I could move in here, but I already broke the door down.
A shame, this is an epic crib.
Just gotta burn all the eye murdering photos.
Let's get to this first room.
Ah so the gross stuff was probably from the son. Dead teenage boy lying on his bed.
Rotten flesh is a smell you get used to after a while.
Yep, I'm getting out of this room.
Next room, the master bed room.
Undies? Socks? Shoes? Jackets? Mens please?
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Hell yeah.
JUST PUT IT ALL IN THE BAG.
Speaking of bags, this dude had Luis Baton bags.
Expensive literally everything.
Another closet...
This was definitely the wife's closet.
If I get married, I'm taking my wife here, even if it's too big or a bit tight, high quality is high quality.
Hmmmmm any more cool stuff?
An Intendro Swap 4? SCORE! It comes with the VR and everything!
30 games too. Taking this with me.
I open the wife's chest of drawers...
Undies, socks, bras, yada yada yada.
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OH GOD NO MY EYES.
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THIS IS WHY I HATE RICH PEOPLE. THEY'RE ALL INTO WEIRD AND DISGUSTING CRAP! EWWWWW! EYEBALLS! WHY WOULD SHE PRESERVE EYEBALLS!
Okay last run of this cursed house.
The basement...
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A BAR! OH YEAH BABY!
All the wine. I'm taking all the wine. The Vodka. Just all the alcohol.
It doesn't spoil, has a bunch of calories, it's all necessary for human survival.
What else is here.
A GYM.
CHIPS.
A FIREPLACE.
A BILLIARDS TABLE.
A DRONE THAT CAN CARRY A PERSON.
Absolutely amazing. I'm coming back for that table soon.
I drive home to spread out my haul.
Remember, it's not luck if you know it's there.