Dermot's pov
I was so taken back by the kiss, I didn't know he was going to make a move to kiss me. Not while I was looking like a hot mess.
I allowed him entrance to kiss me, there wasn't anything I could do. I couldn't push him back because I too have been dying to have his lips on mine. But now that it was happening, I was so confused. This is what I wanted but not right now.
Not when I am still grieving over Henry, even I don't know why I feel bad now that he is dead. He deserved the same fate as his lover.
"Hmm" I moaned into his mouth, wrapping my arms around his neck. He was too good of a kisser to let go.
He angled his head, deepening the kiss. I let him, I let him kiss me like I mattered to him.
I have craved for this to happen for so long that, now that it has, I didn't know how or what to feel right now.
I broke off the kiss, running straight to the bathroom.
"Devlin?"
"Devlin, please wait!" He called after me, I ignored him. I locked the door to the bathroom.
Fanning my face and trying so hard not to cry, what the hell was that?
My ex-boyfriend just died and I am kissing another man?
That's not why I ran away, I ran because I didn't want out first kiss to be like this, with me looking so miserable and worn out from crying. I wanted it to be special because we both wanted it to happen and not because he was touched from seeing me like this.
I wanted to scream and punch something but that would make me look weird.
"Devlin?" He called out, knocking on the door ever so gently,
I didn't respond, what exactly would I say?
I am sorry I freaked out, let me wash up and we can continue the kiss?
God! I am such a mess.
"Devlin, please come out" he pleaded with me,
I ignored him, I didn't want to say the wrong thing that would make him withdraw like he did after the dinner, I liked that he made the first move, it means the attraction is not one sided.
"Devlin, are you okay?" He insisted,
"Yes, I am fine" I answered, my voice hoarse like I have been crying all day, I have been crying all day. I don't know why I am crying for Henry, he cheated on me and made me feel worthless, so why should I care?
"Open the door" Carter said from the other side if the door,
"No!" I shouted, "No, please leave" I told him calmly,
"I need to make sure you are okay, please come out" he insisted,
"I am fine, I just need to freshen up" I told him, I could sense his hesitation at the other side. He shuffled his feet, unsure of what to do.
"I will be fine, just go" I told him firmly, I heard him sigh and the door closed behind him.
I slid down the door, my hands on my head. I was such a mess right now. I didn't want him pulling away.
I went to the sink, splashing water on my face, my eyes were swollen and I looked awful.
I washed my face properly, drying it with a towel and unlocking the bathroom door. He wasn't there.
I felt my shoulders drop in disappointment, what was I expecting?
That he would stay when I constantly asked him to leave?
I changed into something comfortable, my mind flashed back towards the kiss, my hands reaching out to touch my lips. I traced my lip like I wanted to trace his. His we're so soft and inviting, they looked beautiful and I can't believe they were placed on mine few minutes ago.
Things would go back to being obvious and I didn't want that you happen. What can I do to avoid this?
Part of my reason was that, I didn't want him to kiss me for so long and discover that I am not the real devlin, I would be in jail faster than I could say "hey".
I couldn't hear any movement from his room, I wanted to go apologize for today. He can't know why I was crying, he would freak out.
I would cook up some story and tell him, or I simply tell him that I had an episode. Everything ca be used as an excuse to get yourself out of trouble.
I sighed to myself, this whole thing was a mess. Suddenly I found myself getting angry with Henry, even in his grave, he couldn't just leave me in peace. He had to find a way to torture me some more.
A beautiful man was kissing me and all I could do was cause an embarrassing scene, making him feel hurt or whatever he is feeling right now. This is all my fault and I was going to make it right.
Or should I?
I can always play smart and pretend like it didn't happen at all, he was the one giving me a cold shoulder because of a meal I prepared, so maybe I should give the cold shoulder now.it would matter to him if I talk to him like we never kissed, it would definitely crush him.
I laid on my bed, going through some Instagram pictures, it was the best way to entertain myself these day, I could see what others were up to and their comments, I would spend the day reading comments on a picture. I felt all alone and, I had no friends I could hang out with or anybody that I can talk to. I was all alone in this mess that I created for myself.
This was the wrong time to have regrets, I didn't do all the things I did to start living in regrets. So what if he kissed me? It's not like we are not married. It's completely normal for a man to kiss his wife.