'I don't want any of my sisters to be viewed as a sex object neither do I want to get beaten and starved everytime Ally visits. This place is the worst.'
Words failed me totally. I could not comfort him in any way whatsoever. I sat there, looking at my older brother, remembering what had caused this entire problem in the first place...
'Enough about me Kass, how are you doing?' He smiled coyly.
Nate had a thing for shortening even a shortened name. Sometimes he even called me Kay. My mother was the only one that called me Kassandra.
'I'm fine. Prom is next month. I was hoping you'd pick out my outfit for me but I haven't even gone shopping yet but I'll probably come back before then to show you my picks.' I giggled.
I was trying to keep Nate from worrying, at least for a while but it did not seem like it was working.
'How much time is this visit?' He was not listening to me.
He had not heard anything I said about prom or dresses. I could not blame him, life was treating him very badly.
'An hour thirty minutes.' Alicia intended to buy a ticket worth one hour but I insisted we spend more time with Nate.
'Okay. I want to go back in. Say hi to mum for me. Tell her I really miss her and she should find time to see me.' He stood up and stretched his body.
'Mum told me to take pictures of you.' I stood up and adjusted my skirt.
'I don't look it Kass, another time.' He hugged me.
He smelled of dried sweat and cigarettes. He promised our mother to quit smoking and every time Alicia visited, he swore he had given up that life.
'Nate, you have been smoking.' I looked at his red eyes and noticed for the first time that he had a lot of new scars on his face.
'Just once today, that's it.' He hugged me again. 'Say hi to mum for me Kass. I love you. Tell Ally I love her too.' He looked at me and kissed my cheek.
'I love you and I miss you.' I held his arm a little longer.
'Go home Kay.' He laughed and walked away.
I watched him go out the door he came in through. He did not look back once to see if I was making my way to the door.
He was a changed person. The Nate I knew was vibrant and very cheerful. Now, he had a lot on his mind and he feared someone.
I walked to where Alicia had parked the car. She was sitting inside listening to something on her headphones.
I knocked on the window and she wound down the glass.
'Did he ask you to get me?' She looked somewhat happy.
'No, he left.' I heard the lock of the car open and I got in.
'Oh.' She put her phone down and started the engine.
I wondered what would have happened if Nate had never raped anyone.
I wondered how his love for the crime grew. I wondered what will become of my brother after his jail sentence.
The sun had set when we got home. My mum was already back from her first shift and she was preparing to go for the next.
Usually, when Alicia visits Nate, she does not return until later in the evening. So mum was shocked to see that we were back so early.
'How did it go?' Mum asked as she tied her shoelace.
'He looks terrible and I think he has been smoking again.' Alicia blurted out with disgust in her voice.
I did not know she smelled the cigarette too, and even if she did, I did not expect her to tell mum just like that.
'I think it's his coping mechanism. Mum, he's going through a lot.' I knew it was not my place to defend him.
As a matter of fact, I was too young to understand anything. But I kept remembering the tremble in his voice when he spoke about David.
'Did you get a picture?' Mum stood up.
Her gray hair fell to her shoulders perfectly. It felt as though I was only seeing her for the first time. Her blue eyes were sunken and she looked very tired.
Her beige skin looked very pale and her small stature made her look very old. I wanted to hug her and tell how much she meant to me.
I wanted to tell her to stop working too much but all I did was stand and stare at the beautiful woman before me.
'Kassandra?' Her voice brought me back to reality. Her soft but firm voice.
'No I didn't. He said he was not in the mood. But he said you should visit him and he really misses you.' I knew it was impossible for her to visit Nate.
She had a lot on her plate and before Nate got arrested, he was always available to help her out one way or another but now, she had to do everything on her own.
'Okay. I left toast in the fridge. Take care.' She took her bag and left.
I could not sleep all night. I kept wondering what David might do to Nate.
It was horrible enough that my brother was made to live the way he did, adding David to the picture was just unbearable.
I took my phone from my side table. It was fourteen minutes past two a.m. I knew trying to sleep was going to be fruitless so I made my way to the kitchen.
As soon as mum left, Alicia and I had a heated argument about Nate's smoking. I knew he had smoked more than once, but I still wanted to give him the benefit of doubt.
Alicia warned me to not talk about him anymore because I was too young and stupid.
I really wanted to tell her how selfish she was, making him suffer all the time she visited whilst knowing the situation but I knew she was right, I was young and I had no right to talk about Nate or his situation.
The kitchen light was very dim and I could barely make out anything. I stood at the door for a while to let my eyes adjust to the darkness.
Alicia was there.
'Can't sleep?' Her voice was cracked. Had she been crying?