I was speechless.
5 Platinum coins was the largest amount any of my drops was worth ever. (Casually excluding the orb of Coven since it had no price tag.) But I couldn't trade it. So it was useless shit just spamming my inventory. Wasn't I collecting too much of this stuff lately?
I tossed it back in the anti-thieving device and threw it back in my inventory. Since a whole day passed in Falan, about four hours or more must have passed in the real world. I should head towards the bed and take a good nap and return to Falan after work tomorrow.
But as my fingers already hovered over the [log out] button, I was reminded of the happenings of my day in Falan. Reflected back to the moment where I saw my corpse.
At least what was left of it. Just flesh, bones and a few items. It was both unsettling and somewhat calming. I always knew that life could end. But seeing my friend die, - killed by me, - and my own corpse was nothing I could just handle like this.
Maybe it was better if I just summoned the orb and wiped any trace of me left.
But after everything I went through just so I could honor Coven, bury him with all my remaining feelings of regret and sadness and...guilt.
I was feeling guilty. Guilty that I killed him, that my skill brought him death, although he demanded it as his dying wish. We had no time left but still...
All the time I spent in Falan alongside him was fun. I was happy and settled. Like I finally belonged somewhere. It was a home I never thought I would need. But after it was lost I truly felt what it was like to miss a home I once had. I was lost. Somewhat broken. And it was my fault. Not all of it but I would forever carry the sin of murdering my friend.
All of it weighed hard on my mind and as I was lying down and experiencing a similar feeling of going to bed, they surfaced once again.
I wanted to leave Falan in fear of being reminded at every step that I was once happy inside of this game. But if I never returned, would this also make me slowly let go of the time I spend with Coven? Would I slowly start forgetting him, the time we had and also the sadness, the guild I should always remember? I did not want it, any of it. I didn't want to leave Falan while at the same time I just wanted to run from those suffocating feelings and forget them. Reset my heart and brain so I wouldn't remember the pain. The loss was unbearable. As long as I thought I could avenge him, I could placate my emotions, channeling them to a hope, a goal to divert my sadness.
But nothing was left of this possibility. I had to cope with his loss and face that I was at fault for erasing him forever. And those feelings were too much for me. Inside the dark of the inn's room, I was crying, tears falling, sliding from the rims of my eyes over my ears wetting my hair. While I wanted to rage to scream about the injustice and just wanted him back, I was unable to utter a single sound, silently trembling and weeping, clutching to the blanket, curling myself together.
What should I do?
What could I do?
I had no answers, no one to tell me what to do. Nobody I could talk to, who would guide me or offer me advice. I was alone in my sorrow.
Hours later I finally noticed that no tears would come anymore and I rubbed my swollen eyes to get rid of the last trails of wetness and tears.
I was still inside of the game and decided to open the panel to log out. Luckily I still had a few hours left before I would need to head working. The hatch opened this time without zapping me and I went to the bath first to brush my teeth and relieve myself.
Then I turned my alarm clock on and went to bed. My eyes felt a bit swollen. I must have cried inside of the pod as well.
But I fell asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow and drifted into a dreamless void until my alarm went off the next morning. I spend hours at work, doing the required tasks, avoiding anything unnecessary. My speed wasn't fast but also not slow. I just blended in with my colleagues and didn't attract unwanted attention. Just living, earning money to support myself and live on. The rent for my small apartment wasn't high but it still took a chunk of my monthly salary. Food and extra charges like electricity, gas or water weren't cheap either.
Buying the pod a few years ago felt like an investment in my bright and untainted future.
Now years had passed since that day and the sparkling and bubbling excitement of youth had faded. Nothing but bleakness while assessing the future remained, at least on my bad days. On my good days, it just felt insufferable, with no hope and chance of self-improvement or fulfilling my dreams. But at times like this I would fantasize how it would be to do what I wanted, make any vision I imagined myself come true and be liberated from the chains of my mundane life.
Although it all was nothing but pipe dreams, it was nice. Deluding oneself to forget about the not so jolly and sparkly reality of existence. Striving for the impossible and unreachable, even if only in the home of my thoughts.
After work I had to go shopping and then cooked at home, washed some clothes and cleaned the mountain of dishes I still haven't cleaned since last week.
Only after it was 7 p.m. I sat down and thought about the rest of the day. I could definitely use a calming bath, but at the same time, I wanted to level the taker up so I could wrap up the game and leave it for good.
Because I slowly started to think about what would become of me, if I didn't play Falan anymore. If my days would remain just like today and I would turn into this...this abomination I always was scared of becoming. Just a monotone worker bee without anything left which could make me happy, my emotions boil and seen. Wanted.
Falan was my home for so long. My resolve to leave was grounded in the belief I couldn't be there anymore without Coven. But it was already shaky. It was my heaven on earth so long that my crumbling resolve could come crashing down at any day. Maybe even at any moment.
With this thought I went to my pod instead of taking a bath and woke up inside the game.
While I swiped through the mission board to find quests granting as much experience as possible, something strange occurred: I noticed a notification. Since I only had two friends on my list of friends, I curiously opened the menu midway instead of scrolling further through the missions.
But added to the two avatars beside the names was another name. There was no avatar or picture, only a single word. System.
I opened the chat and a small message was written there.
Read it.
Read what? I asked myself. Intrigued, I typed the question in my mind.
Trickery for beginners.
Then the blue underlining under the name was gone, indicating that the person left the chat. After I closed the chat, too, it was suddenly gone, erased as if it didn't exist. What the fuck just happened? Was it even possible to erase chats? Or even write to me, when I didn't accept any friend request? I checked through the system notifications and the friend requests. I could find nothing strange.
So I did the only logical thing I could think of. I took out the book from my inventory. The treasure which I couldn't get rid of except by using it myself. And opened the book.