"What do you want me to do Sis?" Chris asked turning to me. "You want me to stay, tell him to leave, you tell me." I looked at Kade sitting there, the porch light reflecting off of him. It brought me back to the first time I saw him there, late at night. The night that led to the start of our time as a couple.
"You can go back. I'll be fine," I told him.
"You sure?" Chris eyed Kade with typical brotherly skepticism.
"Yeah, I'm sober enough to punch him in the face if I have to," I said, kissing his cheek and getting out of the car. As I approached the porch, Kade stood and came down the steps toward me. Chris pulled out of the driveway and then drove by very slowly, watching us. Once he passed the house, he picked up speed and drove off.
"How did you know I was on my way home?" I asked Kade. I stopped leaving about three feet of space between us.
"I didn't," he said. Blood pounded in my ears.
"So you were just going to wait here all night?" He nodded. I sighed.
"Why? Why are you here Kade?" At the mention of his name, Kade stepped forward closing the gap between us.
"I could ask you the same thing," he said, his voice husky.
"I'm tired. I just drove across the country," I said, crossing my arms. He let out a bark of laughter.
"Here in Cadence, baby. Why are you back in town?" He took one hand out of his pocket, pushing a curl behind my ear. Between the term of endearment and the intimate touch, my body was on fire again.
"I thought it was pretty obvious. I got a job here Kade," I answered, my annoyance growing. Not only was I annoyed at him, showing up and pushing my lust button, but I was annoyed at myself for reacting this way.
"Is that the only reason?" He was fishing.
"It's a job that pays well and lets me be close to my family and friends. I'd say it's the only reason you need to know," I shot back. He looked away and I could see the muscle working in his jaw.
"So if I told you that I'm glad you're back, it would mean nothing?" he asked turning back to me, his grey eyes holding sadness.
"We broke up four years ago. You've moved on. I'd say it doesn't really register," I said, shifting my weight.
"What about you?" He tilted his head. "Have you moved on?"
"What the hell? I just told you I have," I said exasperated.
"No, you said I've moved on. You didn't say anything about you."
"Fine, I'm over you, is that what you wanted to hear?" I could feel my irritation boiling over. Now he's turned me into a liar. The truth was I still loved him. I hadn't dated in four years and every time I entertained the thought, the comparison to Kade made it impossible to move forward. I knew when I broke it off, he would be fine; I just didn't think I'd struggle so hard.
"Not really," he admitted. "But I'm glad. I want you to be happy." He seemed sincere and his words squeezed my heart. The lack of distance between us was suffocating and the silence stretched out. Before I thought my head would explode from the awkwardness, headlights came up the street. We turned and I recognized Chris' car coming back.
"I should get going," Kade said and I nodded. He nodded back and started to walk passed me.
"Kade, I'm sorry," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
"Me too baby," he replied. "Welcome home."
"Kade Taylor! Why are you disrupting my girl's life?!" Lola shouted, trying to get out of the car on baby Bambi legs.
"Quiet!" Chris hissed, coming around the car. Kade didn't answer, just threw a look over his shoulder at me and then walked to his truck that was parked in front of our neighbor's house. He got in, cranked the truck over, and drove away with his engine roaring. I swallowed the lump in my throat and went to open the front door. Courtney and Chris each had one of Lola's arms and were practically dragging her up the front steps.
"What did that asshole want?" Lola asked, slightly slurring her words.
"Who the fuck knows?" I said, letting out a big sigh. "We've got this Chris. Thanks bro." I stepped into his place next to Lola. After making sure we got her up the stairs, I heard Chris leave, shutting the front door behind him. Once we got Lola on my bed, Courtney started to pull off her shoes while I grabbed water and some aspirin.
"You okay honey?" Courtney asked me as we sat Lola up. She obediently took the water and pills from me, downing them both in one shot. I shrugged.
"Yeah, I mean it was weird that he showed up here. I think he just wanted closure," I said, unbuckling my sandals.
"And is that what you want? Closure?" Lola asked, leaning back on my bed. She and Courtney looked at me expectantly. I shrugged and grabbed my pajamas from my duffel bag.
"Right now I want sleep, so I'm gonna go change." I walked to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I pulled off my clothes, including the thong that left angry red marks across my hips, and put on my oversized college T-shirt and basketball shorts. At the sink, I stared in the mirror and thought about Lola's question. Did I want closure? Probably. What I really wanted was peace. Was that really what Kade wanted? The thought of a man as desirable as him wanting, needing closure made me laugh out loud. The alcohol was clearly affecting me. I took a deep breath and grabbed a toothbrush from my mom's stash under the sink. When I was done with my teeth and washing my face, I went back to my room. The girls were also in their pajamas and under the covers. They scooted apart and patted the vacant spot. I turned off the light and crawled over Lola, laying down between them. It didn't take long before I succumbed to sleep, listening to Courtney's steady breathing and Lola's soft snoring.