Life's always been so hard to me ever since I was born. My mother died while giving birth to me while my father was away with his mistress. I grew up with my grandma without receiving proper love from my parents. Did it made me sad? Kinda, but I will absolutely not cry over it. I mean who wouldn't, right? My life's fucked up from the beginning so, why would I stay gloomy for things I literally can't stop from happening? I simply won't. I will smile up until the end. Like what my grandma always says, "Even if the world throws you the moon, keep on smiling and live life to the fullest."
Now, I don't even know if I can keep lifting my lips' edge to make a pretty smile my grandma always loved, after all it's the last day of her funeral. Funny that the flower shop she gave me as present when I was eighteen years old catered the flowers for her funeral.
Today is the third day of October, the rain is pouring pretty badly while the funeral was being held. I kept squeezing the bouquet of lilies that she loved, firmly in my hands. The smallest smile I can make is plastered on my face while her coffin is being buried six feet under the ground. There's no way I would send her off with a gloomy face, she loves the cheeky smile that is plastered on my lips whenever there's troubles that I made.
Dear God, my life's been fucked up from the start, why would you add more spices into it? I wouldn't be surprised if I get up tomorrow with a freaking cancer or anything else that involves death.
I sighed as the people starts leaving the cemetery. My father who came with his mistress- now his wife, didn't even utter a single word of comfort to me, is he ashamed to face me? of course he is and he should be. My unlucky little life is indeed a curse.
"Grandma, please send a person from above there quickly to escort me to you, I just really wanted to die." I murmured to myself as tears started to fall from my eyes. Goddamn it! What the heck is wrong with me living with the people that I love? Is that a hard thing to blessed me with, dear God? If so, spare me the additional bullshits and bring a freaking meteor to smash me dead right now.
---
The neighborhood that I live in seems a little noisy for 6:30 AM. Are they eating gossips for breakfast or something? I sighed as I hear a lot of soft whispering as I walk down the road.
"Poor, Lilith." Yes, poor me. Now can you stop glancing at me like that?
"I felt pity for that child." I heard a neighbor said on my way to the university. Damn, thanks but I don't need it, stab me in the neck instead, thank you- just kidding. Dear God, make me strong and sane for whatever shits you're gonna throw at me someday.
Anyway, going to school won't do me any good either way. After all, most of the students here actually thought that I am some kind of a bad omen or something for being cheerful even after losing my love ones. I mean, do they badly want to see me cry my eyes out and weep? No.
In my nineteenth years of existence, I learned something about these people. You see, people tend to stay away from something they can't understand and I somewhat became THAT someone they cannot understand, however
I already have enough lemons on my plate, I really don't have the time to care whatever they wanted to say or want me to do.
If my life would be given a title? Outcast is the best way to entitle it. Not that I disagree, after all these stares that I'm receiving I wouldn't be surprised anymore.
"Good morning, Celine! You're early, I see." I said cheerfully to our class representative who is busy filing something on her desk.
She eyed me strangely before nodding her head gently.
"It must've been hard for you, Lilith. I'm sorry for your loss." I stopped from walking after what she said. Good thing she was facing my back, or else she would've seen a crack on my facade.
"It's fine, really. I can't stop death even if I cry. Thanks!" I winked at her. Her gentle face showed a sign of disgust before turning her head the other way.
I smacked my face gently as I sat down on my spot, right before the last window, It's kind of dark in this part of the room which is I'm thankful for in times like these. I got my phone and used it as a mirror to see my face. Yeah, I absolutely looked like shit from all those sleepless nights on my Grandma's funeral. I watched the students entering the room through the reflections of the window on my right, students slowly fill the room, it surprisingly made my troubled mind at ease as I started to get lost in my own thoughts that made me smirk.
"Grandma, please let me sleep peacefully later, for I am starting to lose this pretty face of mine." I murmured.
My head turned to my side as a bag landed on the table next to mine. My eyes met a pair of teal-colored eyes.
"Hi! transferee?" I greeted cheerfully. He looked at me briefly before sitting down.
"Yeah." He said before putting his head on the table.
"Last week?" I inquire, I don't have the time to attend my classes because I am busy preparing the funeral last week. A long silence wrapped the atmosphere before a very deep-
"Yeah" - is heard.
"Oh..." He must've known by now the rumors about me. After all, he is not responding very well. And here I thought I might have a talking buddy, what a waste. It's been a year and a half since someone sat on that chair. What would I expect? Most people are creeped out because of me.
I shrugged and tried to brush off the feeling of disappointment and started doodling on my extra notebook. I felt a shiver rundown my spine as I felt that someone is staring at me from my right. With a glance, I saw the new student staring at me intently that it left me dumbfounded. I blinked twice as I met his eyes. Is he not embarrassed? I literally caught him staring, and staring is rude.
"Uhm... Is there something on my face?" I asked with an awkward smile. He looked at me with a bored expression before facing the table to his right. What the hell? I shrugged and continued doodling. Out of curiosity, I took a quick glance at my side, All I can see is his messy hair, broad shoulders and pale fingers. Should I try to befriend him? this opportunity is quite hard to come by, more like a one in a thousand situations where there's a chance of regrets, might as well grab it. I gently poke his side.
"What?" He asked, eyebrows almost knitted as he started to get up from being slumped on his chair. His messy jet black hair falls on the sides of his face and his dull looking but pretty teal-colored eyes shined as the sun reflected from it. Man, this boy is fine! I would even think he is prettier than me.
"You look so handsome, are you secretly a celebrity or an idol? Just kidding." I giggled at my own jokes that he doesn't seem to find funny. Hehe, is he annoyed? I smiled at him cheekily. He rolled his eyes up. Well, whatever.
"Good morning, take your proper seats." I took a simple glance at the front before sitting comfortably on my own chair. I smiled when I met Professor Henry's eyes, he immediately sigh as if I am some kind of an abomination. I giggled and ignored the curious looks that my new seatmate is giving me.
'Aah... looks like I'll be entertained for a while.'