[Hideki.]
I set the food on the table, take my tea and sit on the wooden chair. Ryu preferred a wooden interior. He had chosen this dining table particularly; I remember that day. It was just after our marriage. I feel the corners of my lips pull upwards as I run down the memories in my head. I would have married Ryu even if someone had predicted the future. Why? Because I could simply not think of myself with anyone else but him.
I come out of my thoughts; he wasn't done yet. He has always been a long showerer but this time I knew it mustn't be that. I walk up the stairs halfway and call out to him, "Hey! Come out the food is getting cold!"
No response.
I walk up and enter the room, the bathroom door was open. I cautiously enter. He was sitting in the tub, knees drawn closer to his chest. Not crying, not sobbing, just blank. I could not read his expression. I knock on the already open door to get his attention. He was fully clothed, sitting in a tub full of water. He looks up at me and then sighs, "Ah. sorry...I... ruined your clothes."
"Those are yours," I reply as if they mattered.
I crouched down next to the tub looking out of the window in the bathroom. It was a colourful tinted glass. It reflected beautiful colours onto the tiles of the whole bathroom, my idea, he was skeptical and wanted a plain translucent glass but then obliged when he saw the outcome.
"What's on your mind?" He turns to face me; I see from the corner of my eye as my face keeps glued to the window.
"What's your name?"
"Hideki Asagiri," I say. still finding the window of shimmering light easier to face than him.
"Then, Hideki Asagiri, I am not a fucking fool."
I turn my face to him, his voice wasn't loud, quite calm for the profanity he had just uttered.
"People don't forget our own boyfriend due to hangovers."
"We just became boyfriends last night. You were drunk, you must have forgotten," Lying seemed easier than seeing him hurt over and over and over again every single day. He will go over this again anyway. Perhaps, I will tell him everything tomorrow, if he wakes up in a calm mood. I would have told lies every single day, but it felt wrong. And, it's hard to keep track of your lies. Moreover, it pains to lie to your own partner. Not cause, he knows me too well, he doesn't even remember my name, but the act hurts deep down. Either way, it hurts, telling the truth or lying, but I just hope he might be able to retain the newfound Identity or remember things, and anyhow he has a right to know the truth. Just not today. I don't have the strength today.
"Yesterday?" he sighs in a mocking way. 'Why will I agree to date you? I don't remember you at all. Even if we started dating yesterday, I must have known you prior to that." He wasn't a gullible person, far, far away from that, always been. Making up lies could get you only so far with him.
'Well. We started talking at the bar and you seemed to quite like me and I found you breath-taking. We talked more and then you asked me out. So, you know me just from yesterday night. So, maybe you just don't remember me yet? Wait for the hangover to pass," I cocked a brow
He pursed his lips and then opened them, "Look, I am not a person to get drunk. Let's suppose I did by chance. But I don't get crazy enough to start dating a stranger. But, let suppose somehow I did," I could feel his voice becoming heavier as if the words were hard to bring out of his throat "…but I don't remember anything."
"I told you, you were really dru-" He cuts me off his expression looking troubled.
"I don't remember anything about anything. Not just yesterday night but yesterday, the day before that or before that, the week I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING!" he yelled.
He stands up abruptly making the water splash over me. His shirt clung to his figure. I stand up slowly, "Ryu…" I had not thought about this lie thoroughly. I had used this one before but he didn't question it this thoroughly the other day. He probably wanted to but I guess, he was too afraid or cautious to say it out loud. But, today was a new day, different yet the same. A cycle with different turns. But yet just a repetition. Like this world, things change every day and yet it is the same cruel old world we know.
"Please, let's calm down and talk okay?" He hesitated slightly then nodded. "Change of clothes?" He nods.
"Wait here."
I fetch him a new pair of clothes and a towel. While passing the wardrobe I fetch the photo of us. The one where he was on my back. The one I intentionally keep in view for him to be aware of. I give him the towel and clothes. "Ryu," he looks up after taking the clothes and stepping out of the tub, his wet clothes dropped and wetted the tiles and the fuzzy pink carpet.
"Here," I give him the photo frame. He takes it and gives a slight look, "Seen that," he simply replies
I nod and take it back. "I will go downstairs then."
"Hideki, did you drug me?" I look at him trying to find suitable words, trying not to anger him again.
"Then, why am I like this? Am I crazy? Or mentally disabled? Am I one of those people who are delusional? And make new realities within my own head? The world I remember, is it fake and this, the reality?" his tone starts off nonchalant and turns more stern towards the end.
"You just have a form of amnesia. The world you remember was indeed true, just it was the past. A long, long time ago, it did exist."
He looks down at the floor, he takes the news as if he wasn't surprised. I felt a little spark of hope.
"You remember things?"
"Nothing," I feel the spark fleet away.
"Oh," I walk downstairs back to the cold food and sit down waiting. After a while, he comes downstairs. He too sits down to eat. I like cooking before he wakes up, it's calming and when he wakes up, I hope to get him calmer with a full belly. More than often the food ends up in the garbage but one has to keep hoping.