The thing was, that avoiding him - before today - had become a habit, after so many years doing it. Almost unconscious. And he played in the game as well.
But he was right, yet again. Every time it was time to go see my mum there was a ritual to find out each other's plans - through her, of course – and examine the obtained information to come up with the perfect avoid-each-other's plan.
"We've been playing the avoiding game for a long time, it was almost a routine" I admitted. "But I'm not gonna blame you for that. If anything, we are both to blame for avoiding each other for so long when we shared a mum… and a home." I already had untangled myself from him, and I wasn't planning to repeat the scene anymore today. I was tired. "But that's not the answer either, so let's forget about it."
With that, I turned around slowly and headed inside, thinking that it was time to get settled in. At least that would keep my mind momentarily occupied.
But he followed me and before I reached my suitcase by the stairs he said:
"Hey, you hungry?" When I turned around he sent one of his half-smiles my way. "It's practically lunchtime."
Then I turned to the wood clock instinctively, still hanging from the same white wall I remembered so well. I couldn't believe how fast time passed, it was barely 9 am when I came in.
"Uhh… I could eat." It was more like 'I should eat' because I haven't grabbed a bite since that tea Robb made me yesterday, though I wasn't really hungry.
"I think you could use a bite too, well, we both" It was almost as he read my mind. "I'm not very hungry but I haven't eaten in forever"
"Yeah, then I guess we should eat something." But we stood there, unmoving, in a sort of trance, neither of us really knowing what to do next.
"Why don't you go on and unpack while I make us something?" He said finally. "I'll cook us my special pasta with spinaches and dried tomatoes, sounds good?"
I smiled and said "Perfect." Then I turned around and added a "Thank you!" as I went up the stairs.
A little time on my own did me some good. At first, I simply sat at the end of the bed, in my old room, slightly redecorated to serve as a guest room but practically the same. But soon my mind was flowing with memories, so I started unpacking to keep avoiding them.
My head was much clearer now, and even though the pain did not leave me for a second, I could think much clearer than before.
I wasn't planning on staying long at first, but then Robb pointed out to me that it was almost the weekend and that would slow things down. In addition, I would also need to deal with the legal side of everything, and that always took some time.
The idea of saying here for a bit started to pop in my mind on my way here and, once I got here, it was starting to really grow on me. On the plane, the thought of having to live with Chris – even if it was just for a couple of weeks - was the thing that put me off the most, but after today's events, I thought it wouldn't be that bad.
Maybe it was finally time to mend things between us. He is my foster brother after all.
My heart feels a bit lighter now, maybe the talk had something to do about it. 'Or maybe the comforting hugs that came with it helped too', added my inner bitchy voice in the back of my mind. Whatever.
I felt like we cleared the air somehow. And that was good.
Soon the smell of food spread through the house and reached the second floor, before I realised it, my stomach was grumbling, trying to grab my attention. By then I was already done, it didn't take me long to organize my stuff, so I went downstairs to see if I could be of any help.
But it was too late, he was already adding the finishing touches to the meal – that whenever you're cooking pasta seems to come in the form of cheese – and the table was half set. I proceeded to finish setting up the table and then serve us some wine.
We engulfed our meals really quick, making some comments here and there but mostly in comfortable silence. I forgot how good of a cook he was – though it helped that I was really hungry and that make it taste even better.
After eating and cleaning the kitchen we both went to take a small, much-needed nap.