*Audra's point of view, 14 years ago, continuation*
The funeral was very short, or maybe time flew by for me. We introduced ourselves to James, Helene's cousin – the one who called – who was really nice and explained how he wouldn't have minded keeping Chris as he was his closest relative, but he respected her cousin's wish. He also added oh-so-casually that he would probably be better with us, far away from here.
Something was definitely not right.
He later pointed us to who was Chris, though he suggested we wait till the gathering at his house to talk to him.
"Chris isn't doing well. And who can blame him, right? They were always so close…" He said sadly while looking at him. He also assured us that he knew about his mum request and he seemed alright with it.
And what to say about Chris? Well, I don't think anyone can be at their best at their mom's funeral, and we didn't talk to him there, following James advice.
At first glance, I couldn't help but think he looked like your typical bad boy; lose fitted grey tee with ripped jeans and – of course – a black leather jacket on top. Don't get me wrong, I know the way someone dresses don't describe them but tell me that's not how a bad boy would look?
Whatever, I wear black a lot, and I love my leather jacket and I couldn't be farther away from a bad girl. So, hey, who am I to judge?
I think the clothes called my attention more because of the contrast of his bad-boy look with his sad, and completely defeated expression.
That boy looked completely broken. And, if anything my mom said turned out to be true, who could blame him…
He kept his gaze down all the time, I guessed he was crying because of the movement of his body – like he was sobbing - though I couldn't see much of his face. His dirty blonde hair covered also part of it, all of it keeping this stranger's face a mystery to me.
After a bit, I saw my mum was crying silently. I felt really bad for her. Not only does she lose the only close best friend she has ever had but she also feels guilty because they lost touch and she wasn't there for her.
As for me, of course, I was sad, but I didn't know her so well – barely remember her, really - so I didn't find it in me to cry. I couldn't help but observe the crowd a bit and I realised for the first time that there were very few people there. Most of them I guessed as family, as they were all together around Chris and James. And they were not any people our age, so - I'm guessing again - Chris doesn't have many friends.
The ceremony ended soon but as everyone got away we stayed there. Chris shove away his family and went closer to kneel in front of his mother's grave, so we gave him some space.
When he was done my mum took his place, and soon her tears turned into violent sobs. I hugged her back and asked her if she wanted to be alone, unable to answer, she nodded and I gave her some space too, not before giving her a last squeeze and a kiss on her head.
As I walked away I heard a broken "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry…" coming from her. When I lifted my gaze, I saw that Chris was staring at us with a glint of curiosity and our eyes connected for a second. I couldn't read his expression, or guess what he was thinking, I turned away to look at my mum and by the time I decided to look back at him he was gone.
At least I finally got a glimpse at his face. He was quite handsome, even with how much he probably had endured this past few days, that you could read clearly on him.
I stayed there for a few minutes, eventually turning away because I couldn't bear seeing my mum like that again, not only did it pain me, but it also brought back bad memories.
The gathering, on the contrary, felt really long and slightly weird. It seemed like a weight was lifted from most of the attendants, except Chris and my mum, well, and a very few others of whom I only recognised James.
Eventually, it passed, and we finally decided to make our way to talk to Chris, who had been sitting on a couch on the side alone most of the time, not eating, talking or doing anything else really.
My mum sat down next to him, not before after asking him if he minded and he shrugged in response. I could sense she was nervous, so I gave her a reassuring nod - walking a step closer while staying on my feet - still a couple of steps away from them to give them space.
"You probably don't remember me, cause the last time I saw you in person you were only 6 or 7… I… I'm Diane." She paused, I could see she was trying to make eye contact, but he kept his gaze slightly down, nodding at her last statement like he already knew, or guessed. "That beautiful girl there is my daughter, Audra." She added, looking at me, I gave her a little side smile, hoping to be encouraging because it was clear this boy wasn't going to participate much in the conversation. "I know your mum and I lost contact this past few years but I want you to know I loved her very much, and I always thought of her." A few tears were escaping her eyes and she looked down. "I don't have words to explain how I feel about not trying harder to get in contact with her before… I feel horribly sorry for leaving her."
"It's alright, no one could have helped us anyway." He finally said.
I was surprised and I could tell my mum was too, cause her face betrayed her. He didn't lift his gaze though, so he didn't see it.
"No, it's not. Maybe I could have helped her if only I wouldn't have let myself sunk in such a dark place…" I could see she regretted mentioning this after she finished, she usually wasn't ashamed of her depression, but I'm guessing she felt it wasn't the right time. "But that's a story for another day." She added. "I won't bother you anymore. I just want you to know that I fully intend on keeping the promise I made to your mother years ago, if you're alright with it, that is."
His response was a simple nod, but my mum seemed happy enough with it.
"I'm glad. We would need to go back home soon so I need to arrange everything with the lawyers tomorrow, but we can talk later about that." And with that, she got up and walked away, smiling at me and lightly squeezing my arm as she went her way into the kitchen, now seeming a bit happier.
I was going to follow her, but instead, I found myself walking towards Chris and sitting down where my mum was just a couple of minutes ago.
"I know I didn't know your mother, but by the way my mum always talked about her I can tell she was a beautiful person." I didn't think much about it, I just said what I was feeling. I knew too well what was like being in his place. "Sorry, probably by now you are tired of hearing this. I also guess everyone here has said to you what I'm about to say, but I truly, truly mean it..." I made a small pause, preparing myself to say the next line without letting myself get too emotional.
"I know how it feels…. I know how it's like to feel completely lost and alone." Still nothing, but at least he seemed to be listening to me because he tilted his head slightly in my direction. "I guess I just want you to know that if you ever need to talk, I'm here." In a reflex movement, my hand found its way to his arm and stayed there. "We will be sharing a house soon anyway."
What am I even doing? He was clearly in too much pain, I myself should be the first on giving him space. I know I hated people saying these things to me back then.
Though I really meant it... A few seconds later, my hand was still in the same place, but his gaze wasn't on the floor anymore, he slowly looked at my hand and then moved his way up to meet my eyes.
My mum was right, he had really beautiful blue eyes.
We stayed there staring at each other's eyes for some time, I can't say how long, but it felt like a while.
"At least you still have your mum." He finally said, it didn't sound like a reproach, but more like a statement.
"I do now." I pulled my hand away slowly, my fingers slightly brushing his skin and our eyes still connected. I wasn't going to say anything else, but soon the words came out of my mouth; "But a few years back all I had was an empty shell of a body who called herself my mom and a terminal sick father... And when he died I had nothing but the ghost of my mother that I had to slowly nurse back to life." I said everything slowly and as calmly as I could, our eyes never breaking contact.
I don't know why I said all of that, I barely talked about that anymore, much less with strangers.
"Anyway, I'm leaving you alone now. I just know that, sometimes, it helps to talk. A little, anyway… It might not seem that way now, but it won't hurt like this forever." As I said that I finally stood up, his eyes kept on following me. "You know where to find me" I added, turning away from him ready to follow my mum.
"Thank you. I… I might take you up on that offer." He finally said, softly.
I swear, every time he talks it's like the world stops with how strange it feels after all the weird silence.
So, I turned halfway to look at him and sent a small smile his way, alongside with a subtle nod.
That was a hell of a weird and tense conversation, but I felt relieved somehow.