POEM SEVEN: STUBBORN SIMILITUDE
(Should you try to lessen the pain or should you try to make it stand out?
You will get no gain from doing things that are full of doubt.
The more that you force the same understanding, the more that it will get rejected.
You might get overworked over this thing but you shouldn't get overly affected.
Both sides were never wrong and so both sides remained on their own.
Nothing was lost in this exchange of songs for emotions were engraved into stones.)
It was the next day and Peyg went back to the clubroom after classes were over.
Inside the room were Vol and Lyrica who looked like they were in the middle of a conversation before he came to the clubroom.
After that, there was a brief moment of silence.
Vol, as usual, wanted to break the silence so he decided to speak but Lyrica preceded his action with her own.
"Say, Peyg. I know I said that I won't stop you from continuing your work but I really can't let you do it."
It was Lyrica's last-ditch attempt to stop Peyg from finishing his work. Lyrica was talking with Vol about it earlier to confront Peyg and stop him. She wanted things to end here and now.
"I can't. I'm sorry but I just can't."
Peyg was sure that he really need to do this.
"It's for your best! Right, it's for your best."
Lyrica was trying her best. Her angst wouldn't let her have Peyg finish this. Although she understood him, she also wanted to show him other possible solutions to his problem.
Peyg knew how stubborn Lyrica was when it comes to things that exposed her feelings. He didn't get angry for her trying to pry on it too much but instead, he wanted to show her as well that this was his best effort to fight his own problems.
"My best, huh. I think with this I can be at ease."
While the two of them are arguing, Vol was fighting his own battle in his head as well.
Two people who I value each have their own opinion on the matter. Although I said that I'd be there for Peyg, I should also respect Lyrica's opinion on the matter. Both solutions presented by both are dependent on both capabilities on whether they can fulfill what they wish to do. He said to himself.
The three of them have been best friends for years. There was no way that he can just side with one of them without seeing for himself both opinions.
Peyg wants to express his emotions through his writing to everyone so that he can finally move on but would that really guarantee that he will not get hurt in the future? Lyrica wants Peyg to stop thinking about it now and to be with her so that she can carry his burden by being by his side forever. But would that also guarantee that Peyg will be genuinely happy for the rest of his life? What am I saying, of course, there is no guarantee on both. But, who should I choose to side on in this matter? He said to himself.
Both are correct and yet both are flawed by the fact that their emotions overlap each other's intent.
"Who should I support? That is such a stupid idea. I've decided that I'll support both of their decisions."
After contemplating himself, Vol tried to calm the two down.
"Peyg, Lyrica, You two seem to be forgetting that I'm here."
With a bit of a grin on his face, Vol wanted them to shift their attention to him.
Lyrica looked at Vol.
"I thought we talked about this earlier. I said it loud and clear and you know that I can make it happen for his sake."
A very dedicated and truthful answer indeed. Vol was expecting her to say that and yet he paused for a while and couldn't speak.
After a moment he replied.
"I can't just side with one of you, especially when nobody is in the wrong."
Vol knows that both of them want the best for the other. He knows that Lyrica likes Peyg and that he deserved to be happy. He also knows that although they are all close with each other, Peyg doesn't want to drag Lyrica down because of him.
Lyrica runs out of the clubroom.
Seeing this, Vol felt that it was his mistake not to approach this better by suggesting to include himself in the equation.
"I'll get her back, Peyg."
Peyg also thought that he didn't make a good job at expressing his intentions properly.
"It's fine, I'll go talk to her."
Although Vol wanted to mend things in his own way, he couldn't say no after seeing Peyg's face.
Before leaving, Peyg looked back at Vol.
"Thank you."
Peyg then left the clubroom.
While Peyg and Vol were in the clubroom talking, Lyrica kept on running down the hallway as she stopped in front of the school.
She sat on the bench as she looked down.
She wept and covered her face with her hand while looking down.
"Why am I like this?"
She said to herself.
The more that she struggled to keep her inner intentions, the more that it spills out like a small hole that slowly gets bigger as time passes by.
"I just want him to forget his past. I just want him to be happy."
And, I want him to be mine. I know, I'm being selfish. Such a selfish desire won't do him any good. But I can't stop it as well. Just like how he keeps on digging up the past to free himself from the pain, I can't stop myself from thinking of him for myself.
"I just hate myself."
Such feelings are truly painful when not compromised and yet I can't help it. Without a proper action of denial from him, I know that I can't stop my feelings from wanting to reach him.
She kept on weeping as she wipe her tears with her hands.
"Here, use this handkerchief. Also, stop crying."
Lyrica looked up her side and saw Peyg handing out his handkerchief.
Feelings so disgusted with herself, she looked down and don't want to see his face.
"I know you want me to forget her as soon as possible since I keep bringing up the past to fulfill my desire. But you see, it makes me kind of happy making it. I know I might look sad all the time but I'm glad I'm doing it."
Peyg wanted to explain to her what he truly feels.
"It feels nostalgic in a way. Since the best memories aren't just the happy ones."
Peyg then sat beside Lyrica.
"Don't worry, I'll be sure to move on once all of this is over. I just want one last push to get everything out before I'm satisfied."
Even after all that, Lyrica still hasn't looked at Peyg. But slowly, her hands went and grabbed Peyg's handkerchief.
She slowly wiped her tears that were overflowing from earlier as passer-by thought that they were a fighting couple and didn't want to bother.
While Lyrica was wiping her tears, Vol smiled for the first time this day.
"I'll make sure to rely on both of you if I ever go back on my words."
Vol knows that he shouldn't leave these two hanging. Although his pain is personal, the experience was shared throughout the group. They also want to be relied on as much as he wants to take things alone.
Lyrica then stood up.
"Let's get back to the clubroom."
The two got back to the clubroom without talking to each other.
After opening the door, Vol offered them an envelope.
"What is this?"
Peyg opened the envelope.
"That is the answer that you guys might want to see. The student council permitted you to follow through with your work. There were no changes to your novel as well as our play for the festival."
Peyg was happy hearing this.
Meanwhile, Lyrica let out a big sigh.
"I guess this was meant to happen either way."
She didn't fully accept it but she slowly calmed down from what Peyg said earlier.
She then apologizes to Peyg as she got her bag and went home first.
Lyrica was lying on her bed as she continue to think about what happened earlier.
"Although I still don't like the idea of him continuing his work, I should respect his own decision on this matter. Slowly but surely, I hope I can change myself to someone whom I can't hate anymore."
On the other hand, Vol felt relief that the two can somewhat agree with that answer from the student council.
"Both their emotions were vividly presented and yet they were too oblivious on what the other side really wanted. Love, closure, reliance, and a way to lessen the pain. If it turned out that they both understood each other's intent, then surely, these feelings will not remain dormant in their respectively dense hearts."
A couple of days passed and the festival was about to start.
Vol used his past few days to monitor Peyg and Lyrica as usual as he rehearsed with the drama club for the play. As a major anchor to the group, he cannot let his eyes off of those two.
Lyrica on the other hand tried her best not to think about the matter at hand and focused on the play. She made sure to slowly control her desires and act not on impulse but in a controlled manner.
Peyg also spent his last days before the festival finishing his work and passing it to the student council. He visits the drama club from time to time.
On the last day of the week before the festival started, Vol left the clubroom last and left a note on the table saying:
-"The friction of their conflict left a controlled intensity of emotions."-