POEM TEN: ROUGH APPROACH
(Change often requires one to give up something in return.
If you want things to go as planned, you should be prepared to face the consequences.
Will you try to overshadow his will and selfish concern?
Things will flow as you understand that the more you push, the harder the differences.
And so you still try to continue with the things you know.
Because you yourself are prone to that selfish belief that you sow.)
The next day, Vol talked to Lyrica.
"So, have you confessed to him properly during the festival?"
Vol questioned Lyrica about her advances towards Peyg.
"I haven't properly confessed to him yet. As I continue to pursue him and get closer than before, I think I keep changing as well."
The bashful and cold-natured girl slowly opens and expresses herself.
"The more that I want to express these feelings, the more that I become a different person. At least that's how I feel the closer I am to him."
Expressing oneself often needs an open outlook towards the one you want to show it. The more you do so, the more that you will also end up conforming to it.
"Is that what happens when you really want someone to pay more attention to you? To look your way? To let them see who you are and who you can become on their own?"
After hearing all these, Vol just stood and stayed quiet. He felt no need to answer such a question for he knows that she is the only one who can do so.
And out of the blue, Lyrica asked him another question.
"Hey, let me ask you. What makes a person you love?"
Vol laughed a bit at her question about him.
"Why are you asking me that? Aren't you the one who is more knowledgeable about that stuff?"
"I just figured to ask you."
Lyrica said with a hoping look. To which Vol replied that he didn't know the answer.
"Just because I love someone doesn't mean that I am fully aware of the answer. I also just follow what my inner self tells me to do. I do not fully understand what truly is going on. All I know is that this change keeps me seeking such answers as well."
Since I've been changing the more I pursue him, the more that I also seek the answer to this question. Lyrica said to herself.
"Change, huh? I think I should consider that as well."
Vol also contemplated his current state.
"Why?" Lyrica asked.
"Just like how you are slowly changing and becoming more open for Peyg, I also feel that I am changing as I stay in this group of ours. Well, it's nothing, just a plan for a prospect, I guess."
"To be honest, I don't really know what I'm feeling right now. Such strong emotions are really hard to control and contain, huh. I should feel a bit content and I also feel that I'm not the same person as I used to be."
I should be plenty happy that Peyg is trying his best to forget as well as relying on us. Then why am I feeling so weird like this? Lyrica said to herself.
"I know I love him and yet there seems to be something that resides beside it."
Vol knew exactly what she was feeling. An amalgamation of emotions inside the head.
"That probably is your desire, your selfish desire. I know you like Peyg but your inner self wants to keep him for yourself."
Lyrica knows and yet she doesn't seem to realize how much that impacted her actions thus far.
"Me? Such a selfish desire, huh."
Vol then made a reassuring statement.
"Why not? I think everybody in this world has their own form of selfish desires. It just so happens he was the one that you chose, nothing more."
Lyrica didn't like the sound of Vol's reply. She felt that it will be hard moving forward while being held by these desires of hers.
"But I shouldn't be acting based on it yet I can't help it sometimes. I'd probably only burden Peyg if I do so stay with him longer but still, I want to stay with him."
Vol then replied.
"In your current state, I doubt you can take away that desire of yours easily. The best you can do is minimize its effects."
Just like how I want to maintain the status quo, a time will come when I have to face that same fate. I'll be taking small steps at a time before I can accept it in the end. Vol said to himself.
Lyrica then said.
"Then I shall change according to that. Slowly I will understand if this love of mine is just a fluke from my own selfish desire or a genuine one."
"I'm not a good adviser about this stuff so all I can do is watch. I guess I can assume that you will keep chasing him, huh. I think in the end, you just need to keep doing what you are currently doing and only then you can truly figure out if your feelings are genuinely for his cause or for your own desire to have him for yourself. And if you find out that it's the latter, will you continue?"
Lyrica then looked at Vol with a dedicated smug.
"If I base it on what I'm feeling right now, then I will. I do not know what the future holds but I can somewhat understand that this is just one of a reason that lets me strive to live, just like how he does. Slowly, as I change, I will try my best to suppress such desires and replace them with things that will overweight them. It will be for his cause and cause alone. And with that, I can guarantee you that what I'm feeling would be genuine."
Vol then took a big sigh.
"At least continue to live for your own desires, even if it's just a little. Don't let go of your driving force as you continue to change for him. "
Lyrica then decided to go back.
Before she left, Vol said something.
"A Greek philosopher once said that the more we value things outside our control, the less control we have."
That goes with me as well. Vol said to himself.
Once Lyrica left, Vol also thought to himself.
What about me? Am I slowly going to change as well? Is my desire to keep this group as strong as theirs?
"Should I interfere with my desire when the time comes? Or should I also accept while keeping the status quo?"
Will I only destroy the things that I've tried to anchor on the ground? Or should I set them free as I watch them from a distance, just like always? He said to himself.
"Always, huh."
A random girl then walked in front of him.
"Well, should I help answer your dilemma?"
"Who are you?"
Vol asked.
"Nothing special. Just a bystander that wants to be involved in something interesting."
The girl said.
Vol kept quiet as if to not entertain the girl.
The girl then spoke.
"A good relationship always needs a third wheel. May it be a person, an object, a reason, or one will. You're doing a great job watching over them. Do you really desire change or keep things as it is?"
Vol remained poker-faced. He doesn't know the girl and yet she knows a lot from their group. She provoked a question to get more from her.
"Why do you want to help?"
The girl then replied with a goody-goody look.
"I'm just bored. Besides, that triangular form of your group is too strong and solid. Nothing will progress if you're using such a structure. I like squares better, it's more balanced. It might not be as strong as a triangle but you can reach high heights with it. What I'm implying is, the possibility is more open to change. We can leave the triangular topping when all is done."
She then smiled.
After saying that, the random girl then left as well.
Vol then quoted:
-"I looked up and for a brief moment, the sky was painted with the images I have in my head."-
end of ARC 1