The trees had told me that there was more to our world, more than I read about in my books.
But whenever I asked them what, they laughed meaningfully.
As if telling me didn't matter, I had to experience it for myself.
And I would experience it.
It had been a slow summer.
Before the summer really started, I had already received the good news.
I've never spent a summer so impatient.
In the days before my departure I say goodbye to the forest, but it doesn't seem to mind that I go.
My impatience pollutes the air explains my favorite tree.
It's time for me to go.
I ride with my sisters, who seem to deny my existence.
But it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I'm on my way.
I lift my nose and smell blossom and anticipation.
I sit in the back of the open covered wagon and bump with happiness.
When we are almost at the city gate Els calls the horses to a halt.
Scilia takes the floor.
'Life at university is harder than you think,' her look is serious and the tension in the air is palpable.
'You will experience it soon enough, but you should not visit us. We can and will not offer anything. We've all worked hard on our reputation and we all know you're a little bit special. In your own way.'
The threat in the air is heavier than the words she uses. I nod.
I don't think I would have sought their help even if I needed it, I know that in our household everyone carries their own weight.
Still, or maybe especially because they spell it out that way for me, it hurts.
I don't get rejected often because I never ask for anything.
I say nothing and Els orders the horses to continue walking.
Once we are through the gate, Scilia says,
'This is where you get off.'
I wasn't prepared for it, but I won't show them that.
I pick up my things and jump out of the covered wagon.
I wave them off but they don't wave back.
I walk to uni alone.
The walk takes about an hour and a half, but that doesn't bother me.
What did I expect, that after almost twenty-one years we would suddenly grow together? That they happily showed me their rooms and their favourite places?
I realise that that was exactly what I was expecting.
I have seen how after every year of university they grow closer.
I have always thought that my father drove a hedge between us.
But now I realise it was the opposite.
He was the reason my sisters treated me as a sister instead of a stranger.
Which is what I am to them, a stranger.
I shake my head, I can't let my own thoughts get to me.
When I arrive I see Victoria sitting on the pedestal of Mr, Gelderingen.
She eats a sandwich and has a book in her left hand from which she looks up and then, with the book still in her hand, waves at me very enthusiastically.
Just what I needed.
I laugh and run towards her.
She stands up and before I know it she hugs me.
'I have good news,' she begins.
'I had to nag for a long time with my dad, but if you want he can exchange your room with the room of one of my roommates!'
'Your dad?' I look at her.
'Hmmhm, he's on the board, it is thanks to him we can now study here'
I look at her with wide eyes.
'Well, he played a part in it.' She says correcting herself, but no less proud.
'You are a Zelderling?' I ask the question because it's the only kind of response I know to give.
I already know the answer.
Her face is beaming.
'Victoria Zelderling, that's my name, yes.'
'Yes' I say. She looks at me quizzically for a moment.
'Yes, I want to be your roommate!'
The Zelderling familie has had a seat on the board for centuries, and they are the number one advocate for allowing woman to study at the university.
This quickly turned into a very promising year.
She looks at the huge bag that I carry on my back.
'Come on, let's get your stuff somewhere first so you can walk around a bit more comfortably.'
I nod willingly and walk with her.
I temporarily put my things in her room.
Then I go through the registration procedure.
Tomorrow is the first day of class and today a lot has to be arranged.
After what feels like hours I walk back to Victoria's room.
It is a large house and only a ten minute walk from the uni.
The door is open and to my surprise a sea of boys and men are walking through the house.
Victoria swings open the window over my head just as I want to walk in.
'Mara!'
She stands on the small balcony that is less than forty centimeters deep.
I look straight up and smile as she beckons me with a funny grin.
I am watched by the young man as I rush up the stairs.
I hear a few sighs of disapproval.
As if they say. "What must come of this world."
I could not care less.
'The room to the left of mine, wait I'll show you.'
Victoria picks up my bag and lowers it again.
'Pfff, I'm afraid you'll have to carry this bag full of lead yourself' she exaggeratedly massages her own shoulders as she disappears out the door.
I lift the bag on my shoulder and follow her.
I make a U turn and enter the room she was talking about.
'This room is for you!'
The room is hers in mirror image.
My left rampart runs obliquely into a point.
My right wall is what separates our rooms.
I walk to the window, it is about a meter high.
Victoria is ahead of me and opened it wide.
'Try it out!'
I doubt for a moment.
It is at least four meters high.
But I just saw her standing on the other balcony, if you can call it that.
And I'm not really scared either, so I push my doubts aside and step over the window frame.
I take a deep breath and even though we are in the city I can enjoy the smell.
The smell of new beginnings.
'All the man in this house,' I begin.
'Hmm, yes they live here too' she says and continues as if it is nothing.
'Have you seen a nice one walking around yet?'
I look at her with wide eyes.
'They live here too? How do you mean?'
She sighs. '
This is a mixed house'.
I had never heard of such a thing.
'And the board thinks it's okay? Aren't they afraid it will deter women who attent university even more? That they won't be able to get married at all any time soon?'
Victoria rises her nose, 'Why would they be less marriable?
A man can even get married after they get some poor girl pregnant!'
'That is different.' I say it and am immediately sorry.
I think she reads that off my face because she doesn't respond.
'And you? Aren't you afraid you won't get a marriage proposal now that you studied here?'
She asks in a mundane way but there is weight to her question.
'I? Oh if I had a say in the matter I would not get married at all. Seriously, I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I am no longer the boss of me. To live faraway from my forest unable to go back whenever I wanted.'
I can't believe I actually said that out loud. My father would kill me. He thinks he is the boss of me. He has no idea the freedom I experience when I am outside.
Victoria laughs her earnest laugh. 'Me neither.'
I look at her, she is stunning and for a second I wonder why she would be my friend.
Even if there is not a lot of choice out there.
'You have to take me there, someday.'
I look at her questioning.
'Your forest.' She says.