With my head held high, I walk past the young men sitting on the couch.
I can feel their eyes burning.
And I start to burn with something I think might be pride.
This is why Victoria was pushing me.
This is what I can bring out in them.
And I decide if and when I give them something.
I don't give them my eyes.
Only Thomas gets my attention.
It feels good to make the rest jealous.
Victoria warmed him up for me.
The room is still quiet and his cheeks are glowing.
They turn a deeper red when I look at him with all the confidence in the world.
I put my hand on his chest and a smile forms on my lips when I feel his fast heartbeat.
I climb on my tiptoes to reach his cheek.
The room seems even quieter then before.
Suddenly I am pulled against a wall of muscles.
My cheek pressed against his chest.
My whole body seems to glow, no, it seem to burn.
'Want is the meaning of this?!'
Chills run down my spine and I almost hum to the sound of his voice.
Even though I've never heard him so angry. Divar.
I turn my head and feel his hand on my cheek, his arm pressing me against him.
I see Thomas his face turn stark white.
If I thought they were quiet for me, I was wrong. Now it's quiet.
All eyes are on us.
'What are you doing?'
I hear myself say.
'We were just playing a game.'
Surprised, Divar looks down.
Tsk, he doesn't have to look so surprised that I opened my mouth.
Briefly, something of amusement seems to flash through his eyes.
But then the anger returns to his eyes.
'That is exactly what I would expect a woman to say.'
His words fall raw on my head, where is he going with this.
'This here, tonight, is the very reason why they should never have let woman enter this university.'
My jaw drops.
What did he just say?
'I will have you know that the board as asked me to keep an eye out and prevent behaviour such as this.
I warned them, if you give them a little too much space they will act like hookers. And here we are.'
This can't be happening, is he really saying this?
I try to pull away from his tight grip, he doesn't even notice.
'I didn't expect you all to fall for it so quickly.'
He turns to Thomas, 'I expected more from you.'
Then he turns and wraps his fingers around my forearm.
The new touch sends butterflies through my body.
Why the fuck does he make me feel like that now?
I feel a different type of fire burning in me.
Anger, annoyance and aggravation.
The fucking prick.
He walks fast, and I lose my balance because he pulls on my arm too quickly and I drank those three wines in under an hour.
And because I've never been tipsy before.
He is fast and catches me.
'You are drunk.'
He asks it almost like a question.
I grin at him, because I'm secretly a bit proud of myself, and because I somehow think it will anger him more then an angry look could.
He frowns and looks at me as if he sees water burning.
'You really are drunk.'
I want to say that I am tipsy.
That's what Victoria calls it. "As long as everything is still going well, you call it tipsy."
But I'm not saying anything.
I am not talking to this asshole.
He slides his hand under my knees and lifts me up.
I give a little scream.
And then realize that all eyes are still on us.
'What are you doing?' I ask.
Now I do give him an angry look.
He is going way too far.
Insulting me along with all woman and then picking me up like we are family or something.
'Put. Me. Down.'
'I'll put you in your bed, you shouldn't have been drinking so much.'
He says it to reassure the people in the living room.
He is not even talking to me.
Completely ignoring my demand.
Nobody dares to say anything.
But it's really, really inappropriate to lift a girl like that.
To lift a girl in general.
To take her upstairs alone.
I'm already a disgrace on my own.
A woman who drinks too much.
Who dresses like this.
He is just the cherry on the cake.
I rest my head on his shoulder because I am tired and he is clearly not putting me down until we are upstairs.
I didn't think I could so easy start to loose intrest in a person.
He might have been mysterieus and handsome to me before.
Now he is an arrogant prick to me.
Just thinking about it fuels my anger.
Frustrated and mad I take a deep breath.
He smells infinitely better than I could have ever expected.
He smells of freshly fallen snow and cedar wood.
Like fire and smoke but sweet, not sharp.
I push my face even deeper in the crook of his neck.
But as soon as I do it I pull away again.
What the fuck is wrong with me.
When we are almost upstairs he whispers in my ear 'I told you you were mine, why did you have to do that? You didn't even try to decline his offer.'
My eyes widen.
He hadn't said anything to me except that it was better to go.
I had dreamed about him.
But it's impossible for him to know about that.
Unless it wasn't a dream, but I'm sure it was.
He looks back confused into my disbelieving eyes.
'You know..' he begins but I interrupt him, I suddenly feel completely sober again.
And angry.
How dare he call me his, how dare he show no respect and call me a hooker.
'I don't know anything, put me down.' I say, trying to control my temper.
He lowers me and I rush as fast as I can into my room.
Looking the door behind me.
Not much later Veronica is at my door, I let her in.
'Sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you.'
It takes me a while to realise what she's talking about.
'Of course it's not your fault, I agreed to it myself.
Besides,' I give her a mischievous look.
'I've never had so much fun.'
Her eyes widen.
'Yeah, right?' she says.
'Everything is so much more fun when you're a little tipsy! And did you see the way they looked at us? Forget queens, together we are like goddesses!' I say jokingly
We look at each other for a moment and enjoy the memory that lies in the silence.
'Would you like to tell me what that was suppose to mean?' Veronica starts.
I know she means to ask 'why did Divar carry you upstairs?'
'I was hoping you could tell me that' I answer in a half lie.
Okay I have no idea where that was about and I hope she knows more than I do.
More about him.
But I think it has something to do with the dream.
The dream I had and I'm afraid he had too.
Or whatever it was.
I'd like to tell her, but I'd rather wait and see what she knows.
There is probably a more logical explanation.
'Hmmmm,' she hums.
'You really do know more!'
I let out a small cry of joy and hang on to her lips.
'If I knew more,' she begins, 'you would know about it too.'
I furrow my eyebrows.
'What do you think you know then?'
For a moment I think she's going to say it, I can almost take the words off her tongue.
But then she closes her jaws and shakes her head. 'It's better if I don't tell you.'
Disappointment drips from my face.
Almost, almost I knew a little more about him and now she won't say.
Maybe if I tell her what I don't want to tell, she'll tell me something too.
But I'm not sure I dare. I've only known her for three days and this night.
But that is the same way she looks at me of course.
'Okay' I sigh. 'I had a dream,'