The questions hits home hard.
For some reason I really don't want to talk about this now, with Victoria.
But there is only one way to get to know the whole story.
I shake my head.
And with my whole body resisting I say: 'She died giving birth to me.'
Victoria pales.
'Well this is how it is.' She says, steadying her voice.
'The womb of a werewolf, even if the blood is weak, is really strong.
It protects the mother against the sharp teeth and claws of her baby.'
I look at my innocent looking hands, I have never had claws.
Have I?
'But when a human caries a wolfs child, they will claw her open at around nine months.
Often sending the woman into labour. The baby will claw its way out leaving the mother to bleed to death.
The ironic part is, that as soon the baby comes in contact with air, they change back into their human form.
All wolf children do that, nature made it that way probably to save the parents a lot of trouble.
And so the mother would be able to breast feed safely.'
I don't hear another word she says.
I fall to my knees and start crying.
'So I really did kill her', I sob.
'No, no, you were a baby.
You didn't know what you were doing!'
Veronica kneel with me, pulling me into her arms.
Please don't feel guilty.'
But I do.
I feel guilty for all the times I cursed her, for leaving us.
Cursed her for marketing me her scapegoat.
But I am the guilty.
I made her leave.
I killed her.
I killed our mother.
The thought makes me sob uncontrollably.
We sit there until Victoria pulls me up.
It's only then I notice it is completely dark out.
I had my face covered in her shoulder most of the time, but even if I hadn't I would not have noticed.
She swipes the dirt from my dress and then she grabs my shoulders firmly.
Shaking me softly.
'You will be fine.'
It is more of a promise then a command.
She takes my hand and leads me back to our house.
The whole way I feel numb.
I don't even wish I hadn't been so curious.
I let her cook and feed me a meal.
I let her put me into bed.
Where I fall into a restless sleep.
I am at home.
It is dinner time and I am inside the house.
As I walk into the dining room all my sisters are already seated.
The atmosphere is cheerful.
They all seem deeply engaged into the conversation.
Until Els looks up.
I see the happiness in her eyes slowly turn to horror.
Without taking her eyes off of me she grabs Tina's arm.
Tina looks at Els first and then turns to me.
A horrified scream leaves her lips.
At once all heads turn to me and they pale.
Some scream.
'What have you done?' It is our father,
He just walked in from the kitchens.
There is an anger in his eyes that I have never seen before.
Under the pressure of his eyes, I look down.
'Look at her!' He screams.
I look up and see a woman in his arms.
Her lower part drenched in blood.
Her stomach ripped open.
My attention gets pulled to her head.
It rolls over his arm so she faces me.
Dead blood run eyes stare at me.
It is her, I recognise her from the paintings.
I turn my head away in utter terror.
A drip falls from my nose to the floor.
Blood.
I raise my hand to touch my face but then I see they are completely covered in blood.
So are my arms.
I look at my dress, but I am not wearing one.
My stomach and legs are covered in so much blood I can't see my skin.
I touch my face and realise I am completely drenched in blood.
My breathing gets heavy.
I get blood in my mouth, I try to spit it out but it is as if I stand under a shower of blood.
I find it hard to breath.
I start to panic, my hands trying to clean my face.
Making it only worse.
Blood in my eyes, I blink.
I try to open them again but they are now completely filled with blood.
I have never felt so panicked.
I am completely unable to breath.
I NEED air.
I don't know what to do. I am drowning.
I start screaming.
It just sounds blurred as if I am under water.
My chest burns from the lack of air.
It burns from the panic that consumes me.
Victoria is rubbing my sternum, waking me up.
I instantly fly into a sitting position while inhaling deeply.
I try to calm my panicked breathing as Victoria softly rubs my back.
When I look at the door I see Davir standing in the opening.
He looks worried.
'You screamed.' Victoria explains as she sees me looking from him to her confused.
Then she whispers in my ear.
'I think Davir thinks you have always know you are a wolf, better let it stay that way.'
I nod almost unnoticeable.
Trying to forget the horrible dream I just had.
'Do you want me to stay with you?'
Victoria looks as surprised as I feel to hear Divar's voice.
Then I feel a little angry.
It is a nice feeling after being just scared and numb.
'Absolutely not. You can piss off.'
He already looks down on us.
I won' let him play a knight in shining armour.
Boosting his ego.
He is still standing there, unsure what to do.
That angers me even more, I was quite clear about what I want from him.
'It would be beter if you go.' I say.
Mimicking him, hoping it will drive the message home.
It does.
Victoria crawls in bed with me, making me feel save.
I sleep well until she wakes me up again,
'New day, new chances.' She stretches her body as she looks at me getting out of bed.
Slowly all the thing she told me fall into place.
This is my new reality now.
'How old are you?'
She smirks at me.
'I was wondering when you were going to ask.
What do you think?'
I shrug my shoulders, 'nothing would surprise me by now.'
'I am turning 300 in four years.' She smiles at the expression on my face.
'This is the fourth time I am attending this university.
I have even studied biology before.
But I mostly come here for Mrs. Petersons lessons.'
I stare at her unbelievingly, she has lived several life's already.
And I was here thinking just yesterday that she was just starting hers like me.
'She is world famous amongst the supernaturals you know?'
Supernaturals, I repeat in my head.
That is what I am now.
She puts on her serious face again.
'Do you think you are ready to attend today's class with her?
I smile. 'I was born ready.'
When the word leaves my lips it leaves a bitter aftertaste.
I ignore it.
There is no reason to let my life be ruined by guilt.
Victoria was right, I could not help it.
I was only a baby.
I push the whole thing as far back into my mind as I can.
'Let me make you breakfast.'
I head for the stairs and Veronica follows.
'Surprise me.'