*TW: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS DEPICTIONS OF SA!! YOU CAN SKIP AHEAD IF YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE READING THIS AND THERE WILL BE A BRIEF RECAP AT THE START OF 32!! I don't want to make anyone triggered or purposely uncomfortable in this way so strong viewer's discretion. For those that do decide to read, this chapter is by no means trying to romanticise or glorify SA*
My eyes were focused and every muscle in my body was completely frozen so that no noise disturbed the noises I was listening for from the woods. I waited for footsteps, I waited for breathing, for twigs snapping, for anything at all. All the while, the previous glass decorations swayed and glimmered in the small amount of moonlight.
The forest seemed to grow darker the longer I stared past the thick leaves and deep foliage. It was a far less magical place than the night I had managed to explore briefly. From the trees, I felt a sense of impending danger; that there was something beyond the line of trees that was watching me from afar and it had no good intentions. I ignored my feelings, as I felt that I was safe behind the bars of my cage.
My mind continuously drifted away from the foreboding woods and I drifted in and out of conscious thought like a dancer sways in a waltz. Every upbeat is when I remember my goal and every graceful turn and glide is when my mind drifts away once again. The pattern repeated over and over for hours and it was only when I heard a strange noise were my thoughts interrupted.
I jumped when I heard the oh-so-quiet noise, yet it was loud enough to differ from the usual forest ambience that I was used to. Upon turning to see the source, I was startled by the sight of a tall man leaning against the bars of my cage.
Even more startling, though, was that I immediately recognised the man. It was TomCat. He had returned. As excited as I was to see him back, I was a little put off by his sudden appearance. I guessed, maybe I was expecting him to show up in the middle of the day, or maybe he would be found by someone else. I, frankly, didn't know what to expect, but the sight of him leaning against my cage in the dead of night with a drained look on his features was not on my list.
"Tom!" I called, scooting closer to the man and wanting nothing more than to hug him as tightly as possible and never let go. He gave a deep exhale and reached into his coat for the key to my cage. Tom let himself in and he spared no time in sitting down to relax and rest his weary body. He was definitely off; everything in the way he moved, to the way he looked at me, was different.
The poor man had dark black and blue bruises around his eye and cheekbones. His skin was red and swollen where scratches had scabbed over and been irritated by dirt. He sat cross-legged in front of me and slouched over tiredly; however, he didn't sway, nor did he quiver. He was tired but he wasn't exhausted.
"Tom, I missed you!" I exclaimed in a tone that was no more than a whimper as I came to him and planted myself in his lap. I hugged him around his neck and buried my face in his chest, not wanting to let go any time soon. He wrapped his arms around me as well and I revelled in the warmth that I missed so badly.
"I'm sorry..." I heard him mutter quietly, his voice was hoarse and almost nothing but air.
I looked up at him, "why?"
"I worried all of you, didn't I?"
I nodded slightly, "FatCat called the police."
Tom let out a deep sigh, "he didn't need to do that..."
"We didn't know what to do," I defended, looking away thinking I had done something wrong.
"That's okay," Tom assured, petting my hair comfortingly, "I appreciate the concern..."
"What happened? Please tell me!" I insisted, looking back up at him again. Tom sighed deeply again and closed his eyes for a moment. I feared he wouldn't tell me what happened because I might've been "too young." However, to my relief, he opened his eyes again and, in a sombre tone, said, "I got a little too cock-eyed and I guess I pissed off some unruly fellows... they left me beat behind the pub and I had to walk back..."
Oh... so here we are worried something drastic had happened to him but it's by his own sheer stupidity and irresponsibility that he's been gone... I'm glad he's not dead but, Lord, do I want to smack him. I thought to myself. I had no other words for him except, "I'm glad your back," and I hugged him a second time. I rested there for a while, not wanting to move and growing more and more comfortable with him the more time passed. Tom held me and rested his chin on the top of my head.
I would've allowed myself to fall asleep in his arms like that. I could feel my grogginess catching up with me as I rested against his chest and listened to the steady, strong rhythm of his heartbeat. However, just when I thought I would drift off to sleep, he interrupted my oncoming slumber by lifting my head up by my chin. I hummed tiredly in bewilderment but my brief confusion was quickly answered when I suddenly felt Tom's warm lips against mine.
I was awake in that instant and my stomach fluttered. I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks as he kissed me; slowly, tenderly, and far less forced and intoxicated than the first time. I instantly melted into his kiss, allowing him to take control. That sensation deep down that I grew to know so well when he's around returned and intensified to a point where I could no longer sit still.
Tom noticed my sudden fidgetiness and he broke away from the kiss with a small smirk. He rested his head against my forehead and stared intently at me. I could only stare back and I felt powerless in how well he knew how much I wanted him at that moment.
"You're flustered," he pointed out as his smile grew wider. I blushed harder than I had been before and attempted to hide my face in his coat. Tom chuckled and lifted my head again so he could kiss me again. Once again, I was transfixed by his kiss; the way he took control and showed me how it was done, the way his hands travelled down my body and to my thighs. The feeling in my loins intensified to a subtle buzz and I squirmed in an attempt to subdue it.
Tom smiled through the kiss again when I squirmed and he tenderly squeezed my thighs, "You like this don't you?"
I was out of breath from his kiss and the buzz that I had tried to subdue only got worse. I gave a small whimper, "What do you mean?" I wondered. Of course, I knew exactly what he meant, and I knew my true answer. Yes, I did like it. In fact, the buzz in my loins and in my nether regions wasn't even painful, it was pleasurable to the point that it was unbearable. I just didn't know how to adequately respond in a situation like this; I felt just as I had when he first kissed me, confused, frustrated, but wanting more.
Suddenly, Tom lifted me slightly and lowered me to the floor. He hovered over me with that stupid grin of his and teased me with how close his lips were to mine. I merely stared back, unsure what to do. Finally, he cocked his head to the side slightly and kissed at my neck; I could feel his teeth against my skin and the buzz intensified. I squirmed and bucked my hips beneath him, hoping that by moving, the sensation would lessen. It was unbearable and I whimpered and groaned while Tom suckled and bit at my neck.
He used only one of his hands to caress my body again and when he reached my leg, he slowly moved it inwards to my crotch. My squirming instantly ceased and I froze in shock from the sudden feeling of his hand there. I wasn't sure if that was okay for him to do that; I was aware that he was a rather touchy-feely guy, for he would always feel my legs or squeeze an arm or my side, but he's never touched me there.
"Tom?" I wondered with a hint of uncertainty and fear. He looked back up at me and stared deeply into my eyes.
"Shh, it's okay. You'll be fine," he whispered, planting a kiss on my lips again. I believed him, despite my resonating hesitance and I kissed him back, holding his face in my hands. His hand remained where it was and he groped me with his fingers and made an attempt to pleasure me.
I grew uncomfortable again and I pushed him away, "Tom, I don't know. Is it okay?" I wondered. Perhaps, he thought I was inquiring if it would hurt, or if I would feel something too intensely. I'm not sure how he heard me but he answered my question in a way that I thought wasn't quite right.
"Of course it's okay, you just have to relax."
I remained silent and let him continue. I didn't know what to say; on one hand, I enjoyed the sensation and wanted him to keep kissing me, but on the other hand, it seemed wrong... This didn't seem right for him to do. I had to just trust him; it was the only thing I could do because I should know that he knew more than I.
His pattern continued; kiss my lips, kiss my neck, caress my body, and then he would touch me. My body was screaming for him in a way that it's never done before and in a way that I didn't even know what it was screaming for. My mind, on the other hand, was jumping everywhere; I was processing what was happening with little results, I was going over what he had said, I was wanting more of him at the same time that I was terribly scared of him.
Tom picked up on my signals and, with his hand now moving to the waistband of his trousers, he reassured me that I would be okay if I was quiet and relaxed. My confusion slowly began to outweigh my previously intoxicated emotions. He never told me what he was doing and that thought repeated itself in my mind until I was no longer at ease in his presence.
He had pulled my pantaloons down to my ankles and his own trousers were down to his mid-thigh. I wasn't used to seeing his body like this; I wasn't used to seeing my own body like this. I was no longer blushing and whimpering from a pleasurable buzz in my abdomen; I no longer wanted him to kiss me. I was scared of what he was going to do because he never told me what it was. He never explained anything.
My body was trapped beneath his and it felt as if an elephant was standing upon my chest. The buzz that I had grown to enjoy was now an aching pain because of Tom's own movements and all I could do was whimper in fear and figure out what was happening to me.
"Tom, please, it hurts so much!" I exclaimed, my voice a mere high-pitched squeak. Tom only grunted through his heavy breaths and shushed me with a finger. He was kissing my neck while he made his alien, painful movements and in my growing desperation to escape him, I placed my hands on his shoulders to push him off.
The man had me pinned. No matter how hard I pushed and squirmed to get away, he wouldn't budge and the pain in my abdomen would increase in pressure and the intervals the pain would come in increased.
"Tom! Stop it, please! It hurts!" I tried again, forcing my voice to produce sound so he knows I'm serious. Tom looked up at me again and I could see the slightest of beads of sweat forming on his brow. He placed one hand on my arm to pin it down and another hand on my waist to keep me from squirming.
"Shh, shh... it'll hurt less if you're still," he told me. Again, I was lost for words to say; he wouldn't stop as I had wanted... he just told me to stay more still...
No, no, no, this is wrong. I thought and I immediately began to struggle again. Seeing my denial to calm down, Tom scowled at me and thrust his hips hard and fast. The pain intensified and tears bordered my eyelids; I struggled to stay quiet and obey. I struggled so hard to remain still but the pain would never leave and Tom would never stop and leave me alone. This was not what I wanted! This is not okay! Whatever it is!
My struggle to obey grew into a struggle to escape again and our movements became a blurred mess of feeble attempts to fight him and his stronger attempts to keep me still. My whimpers made way for cries of pain and fear and I desperately cried for him to stop. He never did. He would only assure me I was fine or he would tell me to be quiet and relax. He told me that this was okay and it was a thing that all very good friends do. I would've believed him... if his words didn't sound so poisonous and toxic in this situation...
...
TomCat eventually left once he decided he was done. He gave me a smile and a tender kiss and he thanked me for allowing him the pleasure. He seemed so sweet and caring when he spoke but I was confused by his tone because he had found the key hidden in my bosom and he wouldn't return it. I asked him why he was taking it before he could leave my cage and he turned to me and said simply, "It's only for safekeeping... besides, maybe I'll need it when we have another lovely evening like we had tonight."
I began to sob again and I pleaded for him to give me the key. I needed that key! It was the only thing that kept me sane in this cage! Alas, TomCat merely smiled sympathetically and walked away, not sparing a second thought to the confusion, pain, and sorrow he had brought to me on this "lovely evening."
I threw myself to the floor and wailed as if my dearest family member had just died tragically. My grief-filled cries resonated throughout my sore body and gave me pain again. The pain made me cry harder and my intense cries created more pain. The pain and wailing intensified until I couldn't cry any harder and eventually, my tears subdued, along with the pain and I was left there. I rested there, empty and drained... no longer able to feel any more emotion except betrayal.
I'm not sure how long I laid there, haunted by the constant flashbacks of the night and distraught by the overwhelming fact that I was no longer able to run free. However, I assume it was near sunrise, as the sky had a dark gentle blue colour and the smell of morning dew was thick in the air. I laid there, staring off into the trees, no longer having hope that anyone would show up to hang a glass decoration or even help me for that matter... yet, I began to see movement in the trees.
I stared surprisingly calm and stoic as the movement gained mass in the shadows and then gained a shape. The figure came closer and soon, she was illuminated by the coming morning and I was awed by her macabre beauty. She looked as human as any other human, with tight-knit brown curls and a fancy lace dress that appeared to be German or Romanian. However, she was not human and I could tell that by her wooden-jointed hands and elbows and clouded, grey marble eyes. She had the body proportions of a doll, maybe even a marionette or a mannequin.
The doll-woman smiled with her tiny lips to reveal a horrible set of silver needles for teeth. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and my hands grew cold and clammy. My eyes finally registered the monstrous creature and they responded by going wide and parting my lips as if to scream.
"Don't be afraid, Tae. I'm here to give you this..." and the mysterious creature held up a glass jar filled completely with a thick red liquid. "For your strength."
She placed the jar in the cage and pushed it closer to me. I managed a quiet whimper and the creature reeled her hand away and gave me an empty look.
"Don't be afraid... it's not I who will harm you," she reassured while slowly moving her hand closer and placing it on my own. I could feel a strange sense of divinity resonate off of her and I knew then that she was not just some mysterious talking doll-girl. She had a reason for being here, and she had a reason for giving me this jar of red liquid. I knew as soon as she touched my hand that she was telling the truth about not harming me and I put myself at ease.
The creature pulled her hand away and she smiled sweetly, not baring her odd teeth to me, "drink from the jar. It will give you strength and power," and with that, she walked back towards the trees. She stopped only once and, after glancing back at me, she took a glass decoration from a bag around her waist and hung it next to the others. She smiled at me again and walked off with the grace of a ghostly dancer.
My mouth went slack with awe and what I had just experienced. Was she an angel? A demon? I didn't know. But I had not only discovered who was hanging the glass from the trees but that same being's intentions were to help me. I felt terrified by her display of power over everything yet blessed as if I had been visited by an angel who told me that I would soon be saved.
It gave me the strength to finally sit up and examine the jar she had given me. I opened it and immediately my nose was bombarded by a familiar scent. The scent sent chills down my spine and excited my nerves; even if the doll-girl hadn't told me to drink it, my first instinct was to down the entire jar. The liquid was fresh warm blood. I never wanted to drink blood because it was too monstrous of me in the eyes of the circus but I felt now that I needed this in my system immediately.
I finished the jar entirely and when I was finished, I felt strangely rejuvenated. I threw the jar outside the cage and, after breathing a few deep breaths, I laid down again to sleep.