Chereads / The Darkness in my mind / Chapter 8 - Chapter 7: I Wish I Could Give Up

Chapter 8 - Chapter 7: I Wish I Could Give Up

The stone was the same color as my blue glow. How I did not see it before. The stone did all of this to me. This was clear now. Maybe I didn't realize it because they kept giving me medicine to make me tired. The memories awakened in my mind. I remembered some of them but new memories came back to me. The blue dust I inhaled from the stone. That's where the blue glow came from. I'll have to tell May as soon as I can. I get up and pace around waiting not so patiently as the hour's drag by. When May finally comes in. I stop pacing and stare her straight in the eyes. She says out loud this time ¨ Hey…... how are you¨. For some reason this makes me break. I just want to go back to when I was 5. When I killed my Mom when I had ruined everything because I was stupid enough to grab a bluestone. What was I thinking? Apparently, I didn't say anything fast enough cause May looked at me and said ¨ Hello, HELLO, earth to Amelia¨. I still didn't say anything because my throat felt tight while I was trying to keep in my tears. I managed to say "Sorry, I'm g-ood". My voice had broken and I had given it away. I slid to the ground and sat down. May came over and sat down with me. "Look at me," May said calmly. I didn't want to look at her because tears had started welling in my eyes. I look anyway. May wipes the tears out of my eyes and says "Look. I know you've been really stressed ever since you woke up, but you need to be strong ok?". I nod my head and feel grateful for her trying to help me. Although it didn't help. Then the reason why I wanted her here pops into my head. I whisper in her ear about the plan and how she needs to help me get out for my quest. She says she will do the best she can but no guarantees. She looks at her watch and says she has to leave at 11:00 am. It's 10:59 right now so I reach over and give her a hug and tell her she should go. May tells me she'll speak to the doctors. She goes to the door and opens it. I'm once again left here by myself. I start spiraling again. I think about how everything bad that has happened because of me. My mom is dead because of me. I lost 10 years of my life to that stupid coma. I accidentally yelled out "I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THIS HAPPENED TO ME!! WHAT DID I EVER DO!?! HUH?! WHAT?!". I scream again inaudibly, this time as loud as I can. I clap my hands to my mouth and I feel the tears running slowly down my face. I went too far. How am I supposed to stay out of here if I don't stop? I need to be strong like May said but how I don't feel strong right now I don't. I'm not strong. I want to be but I'm not. I'm only human I guess. So I slide down to the floor again and start sobbing.