The dinner we had was the nicest incident that occurred to me after so long. After abandoning my family, I never thought I would share food over a table, like how I used to. I didn't know why but it seemed to be heart-warming.
I was still thinking about Jeremy's bet. By saying that I would tell him everything five years later, it gave me this feeling of being safe; like when someone is protecting you, a wall behind you to protect you from the arrows that keep on coming, a roof over your head to protect you from the storms that keep destroying your mental health, a fire to warm you up after the torrential adversity that doesn't let go of you, a cozy place where you can be yourself and you can actually feel accepted. I couldn't define if it was the real thing I wanted ta that moment but now…
After we finished Jeremy took me for a walk. Walking under the moonlight which was accompanied by the lively street, watching people as they came and left, as they were buying stuffs, as they were happily living. It was different than what I had seen before. People on the streets were not the same. There were two types of people, one who was struggling to live by begging others for food, and the other one, the rich one, the wealthy one who never paid attention to the sick, the poor and lived as if they were the only citizens of the streets. It made me sick, those happy and rich bastards, who never grabbed our hand when we were in serious need of help. Every one of them deserved to die. Even those people who didn't commit such sins, but decided to ignore and never bothered themselves with the wrongdoings of other people.
I wanted their death so much that I couldn't bear it anymore. I stopped walking, so did Jeremy. The rage, the anger of which I was free, came back to me. My eyes were getting wider and wider as I inhaled and exhaled. If anyone could see, they would realize the smoke which came from my heart which was burning madly.
Jeremy who was witnessing it all, tried calling out to me, grabbing my hand, my face, but none of worked. Of course when the devil came up nothing could stop it. My eyebrows started to twitch then came along the frowning face. I put my fingers together and made them ready to kick some ass. I was on fire, and Jeremy were out of water to put me out. Or at least, I thought so.
He realized as long as I was watching people, nothing could avert my eyes and my mind couldn't be free. He rushed to my face and covered my face with his big hands to stop me from going far lost in the darkness of my rage and hatred.
My heart stopped for a moment as soon as he touched my face. His hands were covering my face without letting an inch to be left uncovered. He did have big hands and they were cold. Cold enough to cool down my face. I could tell his hands were burning because of me, but he endured until I opened my fists and my frowning face came back to its usual.
We did not move even an inch, like time had stopped for me to put out the fire of rage which I gave more fuels to. And there was Jeremy's hands. The way they were touching my face, the feeling, it was nicely cool. I wanted to be in those hands more and more. I couldn't let go of them. As if he was embracing me but it was different than other embraces, I needed it. I needed Jeremy. I wanted him. I craved for his touch even though he was right in front of me holding my face. What was that strange feeling? I couldn't define it, so I decided to call it a need, but now I completely know what that amazing and sacred emotion was.
I want to shout and tell the world, I realized what it was, I want everyone to know but…. where are the ears? They're gone so am I.
Jeremy let go of my face then looked at me as I was fine and calm. His eyes were filled with curiosity which was thirsty for an answer, "Why?", Just why I was like that? Why was my heart so filled with hatred for the people I share air with? I was fine a second ago, enjoying my night, but Why? Why did I give in the darkness and ruined the joy I had? Well, I still don't know, and I never expected him to know. No one knew, not my parents, not my brother, not my friends, not Jeremy, not Dilan, not Wulfsige, not even me. Every part of life is a mystery and no matter how hard we try, it still goes on without talking with us first. It's hateful but funny at the same time. Heh! I can't choose a side to stick onto, same as ever.
Jeremy enclosed me within his arms, and kept on telling me to be strong, keep on living not on hatred but joy. He patted me as I was drowning in him. He told me to cry and vent my sadness, my hatred, my rage.
Jeremy: Cry as much as you want, but do not give into the shadows. Come outside, live with us, with me, Raven. Do you hear me?
I nodded my head, I wasn't crying or angry anymore, I came back to feeling nothing once again.
Jeremy: Live with us, don't hate the world, forgiving isn't easy but forgetting is easy. Forget all about them, live a new life. If It's hard, I make a new one for you. Let's go through it together, promise that you will never go through hardships alone.
Then he pulled my out of his arms and looked at me, waiting for my answer.
Jeremy: Promise me that you will never leave my side, promise me that you will invite me whenever you feel like going crazy, I will go crazy with you. Promise me.
He was still waiting for my response. I didn't know if I was able to promise him such important thing. I didn't know if I was able to stick to people one more time and live with them. He knew the possibility of me running away still existed but, he wanted me to promise, he wanted me to say it, he wanted me to say I would stay with him, and change how I was living up until that moment.
Jeremy: Say something, Raven. Can you hear me?
He had though I had hurt myself. As my body's temperature rose up, it could've hurt my organs, including my ears. Seeing me calm after that display of the devil, was making him worried and scared. He wasn't the one to believe in demons and haunted souls, but I could tell, he was thinking of taking me to the church to exorcise me. He would take me for real if I had remained silent one more minute. I didn't know what to say, promising was hard for me, if I promised him, it meant that I had to stick to it and never break my promise. I wanted to be with him since I needed him so much. Finally, I opened my mouth.