I wake up drenched in sweat from a nightmare. It was a big battle. Wolf against wolf. You can smell blood and fear in the air. The rogues attacked our pack on a run patrolling our borders. They come at us from both sides targeting the weaker looking wolves. The stronger ones fight back. claws and teeth start tearing into the enemy. I hear a voice command for the fastest runner to go get help. I recognized the voice. I've heard it before but before I can pinpoint it exactly I'm hit from the side. I scream when the wolf bites into my shoulder and digs its claws down my leg. I'm terrified but I feel my anger boiling to the surface and before I can react two pack wolves attack the rogue. I try to move and I can't. I'm stuck watching the pack fight for their lives without me. That's when I jolted up out of bed.
It's four am and I can't go back to sleep. I keep thinking about how helpless the situation was. I was weak and helpless because I wasn't good enough. Everyone was fighting to protect me and themselves. The useless feeling in the pit of my stomach makes me sick. I get up and head to the bathroom. Looking at myself in the mirror I see that I'm pale in the face. I hit the shower and try to get my head clear. I try washing the feeling away. It doesn't help much but I do smell better. I hear a knock at the door. My dad asks if I'm ok and I just say yeah that I had a bad dream is all. I sat there for a while and just let the water run down me. It relaxed me a bit, but I still feel worried and I feel angry at myself. I don't know why it bothered me so much. I get dressed and sit on my bed. I stare at the journals on my nightstand.
I wonder if I'm even good enough to be Alpha. I don't want to hold anyone back. I don't want to cause anyone pain and suffering. I didn't hear my dad come into my room and I didn't even notice him until he sat on the bed next to me. He had hot tea in both hands. I take it and start sipping on it. He looked at me kind of concerned and asked if I wanted to talk about it. I kind of shrug and tell him it was just a bad dream. "You know nightmares are just fearful thoughts that seep into your mind and disfigure your confidence. That's why they say you have nothing to fear but fear itself. Fear is just you talking yourself out of something because you THINK you can't do something but you know in normal circumstances you can do anything you set your mind to" he says then walks out taking both empty cups.
I don't understand how he knows just what to say even when I haven't given him a clue as to what my problems are. It's crazy how parents sometimes get things right. Even though it made me feel a little better, I still wonder how I'm going to be good enough to take over a whole pack. I'm only sixteen and this is more responsibility than I wanted to take on. I have an hour to kill before I have to get ready to leave so I grab the other journals and look them over. These ones are labeled on the inside. They are literally set up like manuals. They have specific instructions with everything broken down to the littlest detail. They Also have A special message in the back addressed to me.
My dearest grandson,
Happy 16th Birthday. I hope you forgive me for not preparing you sooner. Only one of my children went through the change and she's no longer with us, so you were my last hope. I was hoping to make it to your birthday but under the circumstances I wasn't so sure I would so I began writing these for you. I have prepared you the best I could, even though I didn't know for sure if you would transition. I did notice you starting to change in my last days, which made me thankful I started these for you. I know it will be hard without me with you and it kills me that I won't be there to guide you. I would love nothing more than to be there with you every step of the way. Just know that I love you dearly and I believe in you. You are the smartest, and most determined boy I'd ever met. I have all the confidence in the world in you and I have given you all the tools you will ever need. I will always be with you in spirit. Good Luck!
Love,
Grandpa Curt
I feel a tear escape my eye and roll down my face. I never realized just how important that man was to me. I mean it's been hard for me since he's been gone but when I truly need him it makes so much more of a difference. I think I have no choice but to try my hardest. If not for me then to prove my grandpa right. I studied the second journal for about thirty minutes. I look for a good hiding spot to put the journals. In between the mattresses is too easy and in one of my drawers is too obvious. Clearly I've never had to hide anything in my life so I just slide them behind my nightstand. Grab my bag and walk out of my room. I head to the kitchen to grab a light snack before heading out the door when my mom comes into the room and looks at me with a knowing eye. She tells me that she could hear me talking to a girl last night on the phone way past bedtime and that she wouldn't tell dad if I promised not to do it again.
I knew that was too close last night and I was kind of dreading this moment but she was a little off base. I'm glad she didn't get caught in my room. That would have been a completely different story entirely. So I nod and apologize and kiss her goodbye. Head out the door and fire up my truck. Still can't believe that beautiful baby is mine. I hit the road and headed for school. On the way I hear her sweet voice again. She asks if I got in trouble and if I slept ok. I tell her everything pretty much except for the tear and the freaking out part. I try very hard to make it sound like I'm not worried when I talk to her but I'm not sure she really buys any of this tough guy crap. She tells me to stop by the gas station right down the road from the school and pick her up so she can actually talk to my face. I oblige her and head to the school after I get snacks and a pop of course. She looks at me and says my training must start immediately regardless of my change. She said "There are things you need to learn now, because nobody told you of your heritage and WE will start after school today. Also just tell your parents you have ACT practice testing all week. Then you can "Go Camping" with a friend and their family for your transition".