"Arrangements were made while I was in school and my wedding day was fixed in a months time, all I had to attend was the Walimah, I was absent from all the wedding rituals as my exams were going on and to add the cherry on the cake, I was going through the roughest pregnancy saga and I was too ashamed to go to the doctor or ask Ummah for help so I handled it on my own, it was tough but I did, I read like crazy anytime I could as I didn't know when the vomitting and nausea would commence.
People gossiped,but I blocked them out,I couldn't retaliate or challenge them as they had every reason to and I had no defense to use, so I had to minimize the damage by blocking them out,as a confrontation will bring me nothing but sheer humiliation" Nur stopped to breath she looked at Humairah who was lying on her lap facing her
"Its 11 pm don't you think we should go to bed, you need to go to your NYSC camp by 8" Nur stated .
Humairah shook her head and said "no continue, I am not sleepy"
"Hmmm, OK" Nur sighed.
"So,immediately after my exams I came back home to become Mrs Nur Imam,I had mixed feelings towards everything, on one hand I was happy to he married to Amar and on the other hand I was sad I had to leave home so early and Ummah was still upset with me, she only talked to me when she needed to, any close observer would notice the tension between us and the unease on Abbah's face, You were the only one that was truly happy,Finally the day I had to leave home came and I was ready to go, I had balled my eyes and emptied my stomach in the toilet,people thought it was just the wedding jitters but I knew better, Ummah finally came to address me and I could see her glassy eyes as she struggled to keep her calm.
" Nur,though I'm not happy with all this but I have accepted this as your fate and will learn to live with it, you are getting married today leaving your father's house for your husband's house, Nur I want you to do everything that is halal in Islam to make your husband happy, know that his happiness is your priority, I know this modern generation you want to fight for gender equality and all but Nur let me you the bitter truth, when a marriage fails 80%of the blame goes to the woman, women are always on the losing end,so endeavor to refrain from making your husband unhappy, obey him,respect him and love him, but know that Allah comes first so don't compromise your faith, don't step over the boundaries of Islam just because of your husband, Nur I want you to be happy, yes you will make a lot of sacrifices in your married life but please don't forget to be happy" Nur Quoted her mother.
"I remember ummah hugged me for the first time since I broke the news about the marriage, Nur my daughter,she said, I know u made some mistakes and I am not going to deceive you that its okay, its not and it will never be, but what is done is done, I want you to learn from it, I can't guarantee you that your husband won't one day rub this fact on your face but I pray he will remember that he had lead you to it, Nur marriage is not the way books or films portray it, it takes a lot of patience, sacrifices, prayers and I dare say, occasionally, tears are involved.
When things become too hard, don't turn to your friends, not everybody can be trusted so don't take that risk, come to me Nur, I'll always be here for you and never forget to turn to Allah he is the doer and undoer, he will always guide you to the right path, ease your heart and your way.
You are no longer a child, you are now the lady of the house so I expect you to act like one, always be tidy, take care of the meals promptly and be there for your husband, in all this the most important person is yourself take care of yourself, don't neglect your education even if its not for your sake.
"Ummah told me many other things and by the time I was to leave we were soaked in each other's tears I remember you joined us later and you wouldn't stop crying too. Abbah was calm until I hugged him and his tears also flowed. I don't know what it was exactly but from then on, I knew my life had changed.
"My married life wasn't bad from the beginning, though we lived with his parents and his Mum kept interfering in everything, Amar was also sometimes insufferable but we worked it out together, I told him about the pregnancy on our first night and his first word was "wow we are still young" Humairah adjusted herself on the bed and sat up, opened her mouth to say something when Nur cut her off with a chuckle "I know what you want to say, I felt the same way too so I curtly replied him "well you didn't say that when we were doing it" Humairah smirked and gave her sister a thumbs up to which Nur winked at.
"He quickly apologized,claiming he just said that because he was nervous, I understood and let it go, my holiday was just for a month and Amar too had to go back to school for his certificate and graduation.
Within our first month of marriage ,I started to understand what Ummah meant by Amar was spoilt, he loved me,that part was not arguable but he didn't know how to take responsibility, his Mum handled everything for him while his father supplied the money, even After our marriage, Amar didn't bother to look for a job he didn't even have the intention to do so,I remember when I asked him where he was going to work after he collected his certificate, he just replied " there's NYSC programme "
"Yes after that" I prodded.
"I don't know, Dad will sort it out" he replied as he snuggled his head that laid on my lap.
One week after the wedding I told Amar I wanted to attend antenatal, after all I knew nothing about pregnancy, I needed all the help I could get, he agreed and told me he will see to it the next day.
He was sleeping the next morning when I woke him up all set to go for antenatal.
"Hey, what's with the veil, you look like you are about to go out" he asked sleepily.
"Did u forget about the antenatal ?" I asked happily
"Oh, that, Mum said its a bad idea, married couples should enjoy their time together and as it is we just have one month before our schools demand our presence" he replied dryly.
"Amar what do you mean, you asked Mum?" I asked apprehended
"Yes, I told her you are pregnant so you want to attend antenatal, she even said she will congratulate you today as it was already late yesterday when I told her" he shrugged nonchalantly
"Amar how could you do that, this is just a week after our marriage, she will be suspicious, how do you want me to explain my wanting to go to a program that is only for pregnancies of 5 weeks old and above" I questioned my voice and my anger rising, how could he do that, we should have our own privacy.
"Nur,Mum knows everything, its nothing to be scared about, I tell her everything and she tells me everything" he simply stated.
"Innalillaahi wainna ilaihirraaji'un"
That was all I could say, I was too ashamed too confused to say anything,how would I look at her now and how would she see me, Ya Allah, she will lose every ounce of respect for me, she might even be disgusted by me,as I was having all these thoughts, I felt a hand around my waist and Amar's head on my shoulder
"I know what you are thinking Jaan,Mum isn't like that, she won't judge you, she's not like the traditional Mum bound by our barbaric customs, she understands us, that's the major reason why she said you shouldn't go for the antenatal, she was just looking out for you" he explained.
"But Amar this is about our baby's life,I need to know what to do to take care of it, I need to know how it is doing, come on Amar we have all the time in the world" I protested weakly
"Jaan, Mum will guide you, she has experience, and you can't tell the doctor you are almost three months pregnant when we married barely a month ago, it will create suspicions, people will ask questions if they see you going for the antenatal, and we don't want that right " he said as he dragged me to the bed and hugged me from behind
"Come on Jaan,try to understand me, Mum will take good care of you" he whispered to me.
I wasn't convinced but I gave in, I gave in so that I would please his Mum,she was trying to help me so I should do my part and with that thought, I gave up on going for the antenatal.