A bright day here in Berlin, the light from the sun stroke every inch of red and orange leaves as autumn wind kisses every inch of the city. I hugged myself as I walk down the pavement with my plum leather bag hanging on my right arm. My short brunette hair waves as the cold autumn wind passes through my cheeks. I can't help but wonder how beautiful autumn is. I admire how the leaves fall like a snowflake from the sky. The pavement is filled with dried orange leaves from the trees, no one seems to be bother of its presence. I suppose, I should not bother myself of it too.
It's 1936 and Hitler's Nazi party rose to power. Everyone is so fascinated of the Nazis. I heard a group of workers yesterday on a shoe shop, they talked about how Hitler will bring back the stance and glory of Germany. They also talked about how threatened the German Jews about the new policies implemented by the Nazis that affects them economically. I'm just 16, I don't know what they really mean but it seems everyone is so excited of the new regime. However, My father speaks about opposing the idea that Hitler is a hero that Germany needs. He hates Hitler and the Nazis but he never spoke of it to the public, only to our family exclusively. I never heard my mother disagrees or agrees of what my father barks about the Nazis. All I know, she just want to be a wife and a mother to us.
I walk to the front porch of our house and as I hold the door knob, I heard my friend Carlotta screaming my name few steps away from where I am standing. I let out a heavy sigh and watch her run closer to mine. She is panting really hard when she stop by our porch, she bent and reach for her knees. Then she lift her head and look at me.
"Annie! I have something to tell you..." She says as she gasp for air, "You know Frederik right? He's on the street fighting with your brother" she points the corner where she ran.
At my surprise, I wasn't able to talk back to Carlotta. Instead, I immediately run towards the street that Carlotta points out. I can hear her steps behind me but I never bothered myself to look back. All I want to do now is to stop my brother from having a chaos with Frederik!
When I arrived, I immediately push myself inside the crowd of young men surrounding my brother and Frederik. No one ever dares to stop them, they are even cheering Frederik's name and some where cheering for my brother, Anton.
I push myself further, these men are tall and they are school boys like my brother. I stand in front of them and I witness how Frederik hit my brother's face and I can see Anton's purple skin. I tried to stop them as I hold of Frederik but I got pushed back by his left arm.
"How dare you talk of the Nazis like that? You scumbag!" Frederik barks at Anton's face. As Anton lying on the bricked road with a snare on his purplish face. His nose bleeds as Frederik hits him again.
"Wh...y are you... defending the bas–" Anton never finishes his words and Frederik hits his face again. I can hear the noise of his knuckles on my brother's face.
"Stop! Please stop!" I screamed as I tried to get hold of Frederik again. This time he halt as he looks at me with rage in his eyes. His eyes are like ocean, I can see innocence in him, he is pure, that I don't want to get out of it. These eyes, this made me like Frederik Von Ludwig, I have a huge crush on him. His dirty blonde hair suits his clean undercut hairstyle. His pointed nose, his thin pinkish lips, his rosy fair skin, his body built were not as typical like a 17 year old guy has, and he is really promising tall, I look like a beanie when he stands next to me. Therefore, He is the guy of my dreams.
"Annie get out of here!" Anton coughs in pain and it brought me back to my feet again. I realized that I'm holding Frederik's arm, I let go of it and I blush a little. I can feel the redness on my face, what the hell Annie Lore! This is not a good time to feel butterflies in your stomach!
Frederik stood up and grabs his bag on the corner. He glances at me before he looks at my brother with his prying eyes. Anton tried to stand up but his legs are wobbly so I attended to him.
"The next time I heard you mocks the führer and his party. I'm going to tell the police and they will throw you in a rotten jail" Frederik says in a peril voice, "Gladly your sister came, if she didn't I would smash your face" he looks at me for a second and he steps back then leave. His friends followed him and one of them grabs Frederik's tux on the ground. The crowd vapors out like a gas as the scene has stop.
Carlotta run to our aid, I can't keep my eyes off him. He is really gorgeous, the way he says my name, I would love to hear that forever. I glued my eyes on him until he is no more on my sight. I heard Carlotta clears her throat and I saw her smirk teasingly.
Anton wraps his arms around my shoulder as we leave. Carlotta carries Anton's bag and silence filled the air while we walk. I know that my brother speaks highly of his dislike about the Nazis. Frederik and his family are very vocal about their support of the new government. His father works with the party and close to Dr. Joseph Goebbels. His older brother, Otto, is known for being a pioneering member of Hitler Youth. An organization made by young people who supports the regime and abides with the principles of Nazism. I don't know if Frederik is a member of it but for sure he is.
"I told you to keep everything in our family! Look at your face Anton!" Mom scolds him when she saw Anton's purplish face and his round black eye.
I just sit on the couch while Mom nags about what happened to him. My sister Felicity plays with her toys on our carpeted floor. In her innocence, she has no idea of what is going on. Felicity is our youngest sister, she looks more English than me. Her eyes glow like it smiles when she does. She has a blonde hair, small nose and blushing cheeks. On the other hand, I acquired the Russian beauty of my grandmother. They always compliment me that I look like my grandmother. I have a crimson red hair, brown eyes and a petite body. My skin is pinkish fair that every time I blush, the redness on my face is evident. My mother says that my grandmother wants to name me Anastasia but father didn't like it so they decided to call me Annie. Just a little close to Anastasia.
"I really blame your father for being so irresponsible! If he never opens up about his hate about Hitler, he will never influence you and you will never be hit on a face like that!" Mom barks as she places the dishes on our dining table for dinner. She prepared a potato with meat soup for tonight which is one of my favorite.
"That Ludwig bastard, he knows how crap–" before Anton says the word my mom stops him with a slap.
"Never ever talk about how you hate the Nazis or the Ludwig'!" Mom says as her finger pointed closer to Anton's forehead, "I want you to stay out of trouble. Good thing that young Ludwig never reported you to the police and instead he just beat that shit out of you" she continued.
Anton sighs and he kicks the wooden chair then leaves the kitchen heading to his room. Before he enters the room, he stops near the couch and looks at me with soberness in his face, "You like him, do you?" He asks coldly.
I look back at him, unsure of what to answer. I just shrug my shoulders like I have no idea of what he is talking about. He just rolled his eyes and murmurs something. Then, he closes the door with a loud bang.
Yes, I like Frederik. Since we moved here in Berlin, the moment I saw him walking across the pavement where I'm standing at. It was summer of 1936, he was with his group of friends and they were talking and laughing. His smile caught my attention, I stopped my tracks and watched him as he laugh. His eyes smiles when he is happy. He looks so good with his half folded white long sleeves, his black khaki pants and his black cap toe shoes. He brushes his soft fingers on his silky dirty blonde hair. His left hand holds a bar of chocolate, I can't help look at him as he took a bite of it.
"Hey! Don't stand on the way young lady!" The old man hits my shoulder as he past by. I caught off guard and the bag of groceries in my arms fell on the ground. I squat down on my feet as I pick up the groceries and put it inside the paper bag. I sighed heavily like I have no temper left for what happened.
Then an apple rolls down the pavement so I chased it and I finally caught it. When I turned back to my spot, I found him picking up the groceries I left on the pavement and place it inside the bag. My heart thuds so fast like it is going to explode. I saw his friends across the street waiting for him.
I immediately run to his aid and put the apple inside the bag. He grabs the bag and he stood up. I looked up at him and I noticed how tall he is! He smiled at me and I can feel the heat gushing in my cheeks. I bow a little to hide my blush.
"Are you fine?" He asks.
I nodded my head and he handed me my grocery bag. I can't help but try to control the redness on my face. I really want to see his face but I don't want him to notice that I'm blushing.
"Yes, thank you for helping me" I chuckles.
"By the way, you have a very beautiful eyes" He smiled, "I'm Frederik Ludwig and you?" He stretched his hand to greet me.
I reached for his hand and shook it slowly, "I'm Annie Rose Lore" I answered.
His face brightened, "Are you an English?"
I nodded my head a little and hugged the grocery bag tightly, "Yes, I'm from Birmingham. I just moved here in Berlin this year because my dad works for a company here"
"Hey Frederik! Aren't you done flirting with that chick?" His friend shouted from the other pavement. He glared at them with threat in his eyes and looks back at me.
"Freut mich sehr, Annie. Es tut mir leid. I'll see you around" he looked at his hand and I realized I never let go of it.
I immediately took my hand and I felt very embarrassed of what I did. He waved his hand and ran across the street. I watched him as he walked back to his friends and they left.
From that day, I begin to follow Frederik around the school. Not that I'm being a stalker or some creepy lady but I just want to know what he does in a day. Is it too much?
I found out that he is my senior and he is a classmate of my brother Anton in his literature class. I don't want to ask Anton about him because he easily got suspicious so I have to do it by myself. Luckily, I became friends with Carlotta Moretti, who is an Italian but her accent is really from Sicily.
One day, he passed by our German language class and I caught his eyes looking at me. He immediately looks away but I glued mine to him. He was never friends with Anton because Anton doesn't like Nazis. There was a day that Anton spoke bad about him, that Frederik is arrogant and Casanova. I almost throw him a potato in his face. As if he wasn't a Casanova at all when we where in Birmingham!
"Annie, what are we going to do there?" She asks while we are heading to the library. I heard that Frederik often stays at the library to read books.
I stop my tracks and turn to her, "I just want to read books, isn't that obvious?"
Carlotta doesn't look convinced with my answer. She knew I never step a foot in the library because I don't like reading academic books, I'm more of novels like Shakespeare.
The hallway is filled with Nazi banners and even in our class Nazism is the most priority subject to be taught. There are rumors that some of my Jewish classmates will do homeschool for the next semester. I don't know the reason but it seems they are very uptight with the Jews.
As we reached the library door, I pull my skirt a little to make sure it doesn't look bad. So I brush off some dirt in my coat and make sure that the ribbon on my hair doesn't look inappropriate.
"How do I look?" I asks Carlotta.
She smirks and puts her right hand on her waist, "Tell me, are you here to read or to impress Mr. Ludwig?"
I roll my eyes and grasps, "Ja, I'm here for that. Can't you just support me for this? You know that I have a crush on him" I pout.
"Remember that he almost smash your brother's face because your brother hates what he likes" she snares.
"I know, besides it was Anton's fault. He is speaks with that to a person and disrespects him" I explains.
"You're just defending him because you like him and your brother dislikes him" she blurts, "Anyways, let's get inside before he leaves the library" she grabs my right hand and pulls me inside the library.
When we enter the library, I saw him on the third table near the shelves. He is reading a book alone and it looks like he is really focus on what he is reading. Carlotta and I walk to the shelf next to his table and we act as if we are picking books to read.
"Hey, looks like his friends aren't around" she whispers while skimming a book on her hand.
"Yes, I heard that his friends are organizing an event for the Hitler youth this weekend" I answer as I take a book out of the shelf.
I stare at him and I notice the book that he is reading. He is reading, Mein Kampf, it was the book written by the führer himself Adolf Hitler. Actually, we are required to read that and there is a rumor that all students in the class will be given a copy each.
"Carlotta" I clutch her arm and she looks at me, "Frederik is reading a Mein Kampf" I say.
"That's not surprising anymore, he is a nazi not just an ordinary nazi but a hardcore" she smirks, "So if ever you dated him you have to be a devoted Nazi yourself"
"I'm not a Nazi, Carlotta" I whined.
She shrugs and raise her eye brow, "You should avoid him and stop following him around like a dog. We all know that his father and his brothers, Otto and Heinz are both active Nazis" she hushes.
"It's okay that I'm not a Nazi and he is a Nazi" I explains.
"It is not okay Annie, it will never be okay. Plus, he will be required to date a Nazi woman because that's what he believe" she whispers but there is a stiffness in her voice.
I turn my look at Frederik whose eyes are narrow as he reads the book, word per word. Carlotta is right, there is no way Frederik will date me because obviously, I'm not like those pretty ladies who are members of Hitler youth. I'm just a normal, short and petite young lady who admires him for being handsome and smart. Nothing more, nothing less.
I sighs heavily and places back the book on the shelf. How long will I keep on tracking him? I decided to leave the library and starts to walk out when I heard a closing of a hard bound book.
"Annie" a familiar voice calls me out that makes me halt on my track.
I swallow a heavy lump on my throat and slowly turns around. I found Frederik stood up from his seat and he walks closer to us. Carlotta hold my arm as a signal that we have to go but it seems my feet got stuck for no explanation, it's heavy to make a step. I can't take my eyes off him.
"I want to say sorry for what happened a week ago Annie. I didn't mean to hit your brother but his words are too much for me to ignore" he explains, "It press the buttons in me to lost control. I didn't mean to hit your brother, Annie" he adds.
"No, it's okay. Maybe there was a misunderstanding that happened between both of you and I'm sorry if Anton has a short temper" I answer and a soft grin appears on his lips.
"Are you leaving for today?" He asks.
"Yes but I'm with Car–"
"No, she's going home alone. I have to meet with my Italian friends outside" Carlotta interrupts and she looks at her wrist watch, "Oh, Annie! I have to go" she winks at me and left without a trace.
Sometimes, Carlotta is a hypocrite. Earlier, she told me to stay away from Frederik because he is a Nazi and we can't never date. Now, she left me without thinking twice. How can she be so cruel to me? She knows that I like Frederik so badly.
An awkward silence filled the air and I cleared my throat to break the ice between us.
"Carlotta is a really busy woman. So, I have to go now. I'll see you around" I chuckles and starts walking out.
"Can I walk with you?" Frederik says. I stop my tracks exactly on the library's door. I turned around and I watched him walk closer to where I stand. I can feel a race in my chest, I hope he can't hear it.
"Aren't you going with your friends?" I asks nervously.
"Nein, they have some work to do. I think this is a good time for us to talk alone too" he smiles and puts the book in his leather attache.
I just turn around and pushes the library door. My heart paces really fast than the normal right now. I want to scream on top of my lungs and I can't feel the cold autumn wind. Frederik walks next to me on the hallway and I can see that we caught some attention. Someone greets Frederik on the locker area so I have to pause too. A group of Hitler youth, who are in the same year as me talks to him. Frederik is friendly and everyone in our school wants to be friends with him even me.
"Is Anton really not a Nazi, Annie?" He asks out of the blue.
"Yes but I don't know" I smile awkwardly. I have no idea what to say, should I say that he is not a Nazi and never be? Or should I lie, that he is?
He nods his head gently and looks at me. I can feel the gap of our height, "How about you Annie? Do you have any plans to join the Hitler youth?"
My eyes grew bigger, I almost choke from what he ask. For this moment, I just want to disappear or to be eaten by a huge monster. Just take me away from this very awkward scene with Frederik.
"I'm an English, I don't think that's okay" I answer.
He laughs a little, "We consider English as a superior race equal to us Germans. You can be considered as a member of the Hitler youth" he states, "Plus you are astonishing beautiful"
I look at him and I can see his beaming eyes at me. I don't understand what does he mean of a superior race? Is that written in the book Mein Kampf? Should I read it for me to know? I don't know what should I feel from what he said, it's new to me. Like I'm an alien in that particular idea.
"Thank you Frederik" I chuckles.
"Annie, have you tried to date a German?" He asks and looks away.
I can feel the heat on my cheeks, "No, but I don't know if I can date a German guy. I never dated anyone" I blurt. I immediately realized that I told him that I never have an experience in dating. You're such an idiot Annie Lore!
"Really? Is it because Anton is protective?" He asks.
I move my head a little to disagree, "He never cared about that. Anton is quiet and he doesn't talk a lot about it" I response.
Then Frederik's friend sees us and they run towards our position. I immediately notice that they have a little Nazi symbol wrap around their upper right arm. They greet Frederick cheerfully and when they see me, they wave their hands on me.
"Annie, this is Karl Schneider" He introduces a tall man with a black curly hair. He is wearing a black tux, khaki pants and a leather shoes.
"Hi Karl" I greeted shyly and he smiles at me.
"Then this is Klaus Von Schmitt" the man stretches his hand and I accepts it, "He is a gentleman but I'm better than him" Frederik winks at me.
"Lastly, this is Emil Wagner, he is my poet friend. He wrote a lot of poems for the führer" he says and Emil takes my right arm and pecks on it. Redness flashes on my face, Emil is tall, he has a brunette hair and very cheeky.
"It seems you're trying to hit Anton Lore's sister" Karl smirks teasingly at Frederik. I saw him glare at Karl like he warns him of something. I hear Emil snorts and Klaus whistles secretly. I can feel Frederik's glare on them even my eyes were glued on the ground.
I don't know what to say or do. Being surrounded by this type of men are too much for me. Plus, Frederik is standing beside me, I can feel his skin inch away from my arm. I never expected that I will meet his friends today. I always see the four of them at school and Frederik stands out for me.
I can feel the tension inside me, I never felt this gap between us but as they talk to me. I knew that Frederik is someone impossible to be mine. They came from prominent German families. All four of them are elite Germans who has the class and beauty. I'm just a daughter of a factory worker and a plain housewife. There is nothing really classy of how I live.
The reason why we moved here in Berlin is because my father earns better here than Birmingham. He works as a factory worker and he spent most of his time in work. When we were in Birmingham, we lived with our grandparents. We can't rent our own place because it's expensive. Now, we can rent our own place here in Berlin and life is getting better.