"Papa and mama, what if I join the Hitler youth?" I say in a quiet voice. I heard my father stood up from his seat and Anton's face look at me with disgust.
"What the hell is going on with you Annie?" Father asks in an angry voice, "Are you out of your mind? The Gestapo is starting to confiscate permits on huge Jewish businesses. In our factory, I heard a Nazi colleague talking about the disgust in Jews" he barks.
"Danny, can you please calm down?" Mom hushes to dad.
"Are you doing this Annie because of Ludwig?" Anton interrupts. Father looks at him for a second and next to me.
"No, I'm just curious about the organization. I'm not saying I'm a Nazi or I will do it because of someone. And excuse me Anton, Frederik is out of this topic" I defended, "Dad, I just ask if what if and it doesn't mean I will join the Hitler youth" I added. Anton smirks at me like he is not convince with my answer.
"Danny, Anton, she is just trying to express a curiosity here. Annie don't mean any harm" Mom says calmly.
"Olga, look, I just want to make sure Annie isn't doing any trouble like Anton" Dad explains at Mom. Anton's face turns sour as the topic changes to him.
Mom touches Dad's arm to calm him down, "We know Annie is a very sweet girl to disobey. So why don't you sit down and eat your dinner sweetheart" she says.
Dad sits back on his chair and looks at me, "Just make sure that you're not involving yourself in that thing Annie. I also don't want you to get involve with any guy from Hitler youth" he warns.
I nods my head a little, "Yes dad, I promise"
I know my family is all odd on the idea that I will join the Hitler youth especially if they found out that I like Frederik Ludwig. For sure, they will call my grandparents in Birmingham and throw me back to England.
Today is Friday, I'm excited for the weekend. Dad told us that we will visit a local book store in down town Berlin. I just want to get new novels to read, I've been reading the same old book and it feels a little lame. But still it's my favorite.
"Hey Annie" Carlotta clutches my arm while we are in the library for our project. I look at her with annoyance.
"Did Frederik walk you home yesterday?" She asks.
I nod my head and let out a sigh, "We just walk home and I met his friends on the way that's it" I shrugs, "Nothing special".
She groans then takes the book next to her, "I thought he will make a move! What a coward" she mumbles.
"Are you saying something?" I raise my eyebrows and she gestures 'nothing'. I roll my eyes and return to the book that I'm reading. We have an essay project for our literature class. Carlotta and I were a pair, as always, we do things together.
"Hi Annie Lore" a manly voice approaches our table. I know it wasn't Frederik so I turn my head and an English man stands next to our table. He is tall but Frederik is taller than him, brown hair, cheeky like Emil, he wears a black turtle neck and a cheekered coat over. I know he is English, his accent tells a lot.
"Can I help you with anything?" I asks in wonder.
He chuckles and occupy the seat next to me, "I'm Edmund Green from Manchester but I just moved in Dusseldorf last year and now I moved here in Berlin" he lends his hand and I shake them lightly.
"I'm Annie Rose Lore from Birmingham" I say. Carlotta looks puzzled with what is going on so Edmund clears his throat and turn her attention to her.
"I'm an English guy and I'm looking for an English who is studying here in Berlin Highschool" he tells Carlotta whose eye brow raise in doubt.
"So Edmund, how did you know my name?" I asks.
"I ask some of my friends over there" he points a group of men who is few tables away from us. My eyes grew in surprise when I saw Frederik glares at me. I realized that he talks about Frederik and his friends.
"They are really nice and a true German gentleman" he smiles, "Plus Emil and Frederik are really smart"
I plaster a sweet smile on my face to conceal the awkwardness. I look back on Frederik and he is talking with Klaus. The way his jaw moves when he talks, the way he runs his fingers on his hair and the way he smiles. He is perfect, yes, a true German gentleman.
His eyes caught me staring at him and I look away. Those blue eyes, the emotion in his eyes that makes me like him more.
"Annie, let's go?" Carlotta snaps her fingers on me. I look at her trying to wake myself up and she smirks teasingly. She knows that I'm staring at Frederik again, as always.
"I'll go with you Annie and Carlotta" Edmund offers and he stood up. Carlotta takes her book bag and shrugs at him.
"Aren't you going to walk with them?" I look at Frederik's direction.
He moves his head to gesture 'no', "They are busy discussing about the new policies of Hitler youth. I heard that Frederik's brother Otto will join the luftwaffe so Frederik will help his brother Heinz" he states.
I nod gently and places my book bag on my shoulder, "That makes him– I mean them really busy" I grins.
Carlotta moves closer to mine, "Isn't he so friendly to go with us today?" She whispers.
"Maybe he is just friendly" I hush at her when Edmund looks at us. We smile at him like nothing happened. I can feel Carlotta's dislike of him.
We started to walk out of the library when Edmund was called by one of Frederik's friend. We halt our steps and I saw Frederik walking closer to our spot. Next to him is Karl while Emil and Klaus is behind both of them.
"Are you heading out?" Karl asks Edmund and he taps his shoulder.
"Yes, I'm with Annie and her friend Carlotta" Edmund chuckles and gestures to us.
I wave my hand a little to greet them and Karl winks at me. Frederik looks solemn and he didn't even bother to glance at me. While Emil and Klaus says "Hi" to us.
"We are heading out too, right Frederik?" Karl hits Frederik's arm with his elbow.
"Yes" he says coldly.
"Don't stress out Fred" Edmund chuckles and Frederik flashes a smile on his lips. That sweet smile of him even he looks tired.
"He is really busy of drafting" Klaus added, "Frederik is our guy for this along with Emil"
Emil nods his head and Klaus taps Emil's back. I saw Emil rolls his eyes at Klaus. Unexpectedly, they left the library with us and I feel so tense right now. I'm standing right next to Frederik, he is wearing a gray tux and khaki pants. I can see his expensive leather watch on his right wrist. His hands on his pocket as we walk down the hallway.
"Frederik smells very good" Carlotta giggles and I glare at her to be quiet. She just grins teasingly at me.
The four of them separate ways with us when we reach the locker area. Karl told Edmund that they will have an urgent meeting in the discussion room next to the locker area.
The three of us leaves the school after the class. Edmund is like a dog and he keeps a tail on us wherever we go. Carlotta wants to shut him out but I told her to let him alone. I wonder why can't he go with them? Maybe he is not a Nazi like us that's why he has to find an English friend who doesn't conform with Nazism unlike Frederik's group.
"Why are you in Germany, Edmund?" I ask while we are walking.
He turns to me with a smile, "Just call me Ed, Edmund is too long to say"
I nod softly and smiles a little, "Okay, I will call you Ed"
"Anyways, I went here in Germany because my father is a diplomat. My sisters were left in Manchester with my mother. My father brought me alone" He says while he looks at the red autumn leaves as they fall like snowflakes, "How about you?"
"My father is a factory worker in Birmingham and he earns less enough to provide our needs" I answer while my fingers play with each other, "Then he heard that Germany offers double than his salary in Birmingham. He sold his valuable stuff and moved here last summer"
"Have anyone told you that you're beautiful?" Edmund asks and his eyes are staring at me right now.
"Yes, my family did" I answer briefly. I grip tightly on the strap of my book bag. I have no idea if what I'm saying is correct.
He chuckles and stops his track when we reach the end of the street. He turns his eyes on me and he smiles, "I'm sorry that I can't walk you home Annie, I have to go right" he frowns.
"No, it's okay. I can walk by myself it's just 3 blocks away" I smiles. Edmund waves his hand and starts walking. I sighs and continues to walk down the road.
"It's not good for a pretty lady to walk alone" a familiar voice speaks behind me and it startles me.
I turn around and I found Frederik in his gray khaki pants and black winter coat. He is wearing a black cap toe shoes and a navy blue tie. His attaché in his right hand. His hair is neatly comb but it's a bit messy.
"Frede-derik" I stuttered in disbelief.
He smiles secretly and moves closer to me, "I saw you walking so I approach you" he says.
"Oh" I smiles and he stands next to me. My heart paces so fast that anytime from now, I can drag myself in a hospital.
Silence filled the air as we walk together. I have no idea how to start a conversation with him. Should I ask him about Edmund? Or should I ask him about his activities with Hitler youth? Or about his brother joining the Luftwaffe?
"Is Edmund your friend?" I asks without thinking twice.
I heard him snorts and shrugs, "Karl and him are close. Karl is my bestfriend, so if Karl has new friends then I have to be friends with them" he answers.
I nods my head, "He knows my name and I ask him who told him my name. He said you guys did"
"I never told him your name" his voice turns serious, "Karl found a pape– no I mean he was annoying and he wants me to spill it out for that English boy" he clears his throat.
He looks at me and turns away, "Karl told him your name not me" he continues.
"Really? That's okay, I just asked if it's true that one of you told him" I grins shyly. He murmurs something and sighs heavily.
"Do you want to stop for a coffee?" He asks and glances on his wrist, "It's still early"
"Oh, es tut mir leid. I have no money for a coffee, maybe next time" I says. To be honest, I really have no money for a coffee. My mother gives us enough allowance for school and I have to save money to buy new shoes for next semester.
"I will treat you for today" he smiles.
"No Frederik, you don't have to" I says trying to step back a little, "I have to go now. Thank y—"
"Just for a while, please" he insists and I can feel his hand on my arm. He let go of it and I can feel a heavy blush on my cheeks.
I nod gently and a charming smile flashes on his face. We walk across the street and he opens the door of a café. I hear the bell as the door's roof hits it.
I can see people who are on their seats while enjoying the chat and the coffee. Frederik and I sits beside the wide glass window with a print "Brewed coffee for the Germans".
I place my book bag beside my chair and I take off my brown coat and put it on a rack behind me. Frederik did the same and I can see his gray tux well now.
"What coffee do you like?" He asks while looking at the menu.
I stare at the menu for a moment, "I want a simple black coffee" I answer.
He chuckles and gestures to call the waiter. An old man in his late 50s walks to our table and he smiles when he sees Frederik.
"How good to see you today gentleman" he greets and he looks at me with a smile, "In my 30 years here in café, I never seen you with a lady here"
Frederik smiles and glance at me, "You know me Mr. Meyer" he winks at him.
Mr. Meyer moves closer to his ear and whispers something. I can see Frederik expression changes like he enjoys what he is chatting to him. I keep my posture on my seat and never bother myself with their short encounter.
After a couple of minutes, the coffee arrived. Mr. Meyer serves the cup of coffee on each of us.
"Frederik's cup is black because his coffee has a whisky" Mr. Meyer says.
I nod my head a little and stirs my coffee with a teaspoon, "Thank you Frederik" I chuckles.
"You don't have to thank me that but that's sweet of you" he sips his coffee while his eyes looks at me.
He clears his throat and takes a table napkin next to him to wipe the corner of his lips. I can't concentrate on my coffee, I never expected to be with Frederik this way. I admit that followed him since Summer to Autumn. When we were in school, I always secretly walks behind him and sometimes when I sees him in public. Like, I never thought of this day to come. Just two of us alone like this.
"Edmund told me that you're very busy because you are working with something important for Hitler youth" I say trying to break the ice.
He nods his head and puts down his cup, "Yes, my brother will train for the Luftwaffe and my brother Heinz might join the SS soon" his eyes are on the cup.
"How about you?" I asks curiously.
He sighs softly and turns his eyes on me, "I don't know. I'm the youngest son, they expect less on me unlike Otto. Maybe, I'll just work for the party and marry the most beautiful girl in school" he answers confidently.
I feel a pain on my chest, I make myself so enchanted about the fact that he invited me for a coffee. Well, why do I need to feel envy? Isn't it normal that he likes a girl? The most beautiful girl in school, for sure it will be Lana Schmitt. She's the Miss Berlin Highschool last summer and I remember how she cried on the stage when she won the title. Who am I to compete with her? I'm just short and lame.
I walk home trying to keep the butterflies but it seems every time I remember what he said, it fades away.
When I enter the house, I found my mother stitching some clothes. My sister is sleeping on the couch beside her. I walk towards my room and holds the knob.
"What's with your face Annie? Is there something wrong?" Mom asks worriedly.
I look at her and plasters a weak smile, "Yes, I just need some rest". I enter my room and jumps on my bed.
My heart feels like it was crushed so bad. I stare at the ceiling as I watch an insect crawls. Maybe, I need to distance a bit or don't follow him too much. That explains why all this time, he never approach me like he is interested with me.
I tried my best for the past few days to avoid him. When we cross paths, I try to look for a way for him not to see me. I would rather walk back to the same route where I came from or I would enter an empty classroom to hide. I know this is just a crush but it feels like being hit by a bullet. I can't tolerate this feeling to get deeper and deeper.
"After the grammar class, let's go to the library. I have a book to check" Carlotta says and snaps her fingers. I shake my head a little then I realize I was absent minded the whole time.
"Are you okay?" She asks as we enter the cafeteria. My eyes caught Frederik with his friends but Edmund was not around. We walk on the counter and take our trays. We sit on a table few tables away from Frederik.
I take a short glance at him, he is discussing with Emil and Klaus while Karl is reading a book.
"Hey Annie" Edmund smiles.
I look up at Edmund and he is holding a tray, "Can I sit with you?" He asks. Carlotta rolls her eyes and I nod my head.
Edmund sits next to me and Carlotta is across us. Carlotta talks to me about his Italian friend, Fabian, but my mind is somewhere else.
"Are you listening?" Carlotta snaps her fingers.
"Yes, I'm okay" I answer but she just raise her eyebrows in suspicion.
"Annie, I have a ticket here for an opera. It's about an English man who travels the world for spices" Edmund smiles, "I bought two, it supposed to be for my father but he has something to do on the weekend. So I ask you out, if you want. It will be tomorrow, Saturday" he suggest.
Carlotta mumbles something and she eats her food, "I don't believe that you bought that ticket for you dad" she snares.
"Carlotta, he just want to be friends with me" I defended Edmund from Carlotta who dislikes him. Her disgust on him is really evident on how he treat him. To be honest, this is the first time Carlotta hates a guy in our school this way.
She smirks and looks at me, "You can invite one of Frederik's friends" she gestures on their table.
"Is there something wrong if I invite Annie?" Edmund asks Carlotta in a quite tense tone.
Carlotta shrugs and puts her attention to me, "I don't want to interfere or what Annie. We are 16 but I don't like an English guy for you" she states.
"What's wrong with English guys?" Edmund sounds annoyed.
Carlotta brushes off his reaction and ignores him, "English guys are bastards Annie. They speak an accent like they eat the entire word"
Edmund stands up from his chair and pushes his tray forward, "Don't speak that way about me you Italian girl. You also have a terrible accent!" He exclaims and walks out.
I look around and everyone is staring on us. For sure, Carlotta did a really good commotion and drama. She just shrugs off and continue eating her food. I caught Frederik's eyes looking at me, his eyes has that some kind of emotion, not happy but gloomy. I never seen his eyes like that. He is always calm and happy. Is he stressing out because of his responsibility for the Hitler Youth?
After class, Carlotta went home early because her grandparents arrived from Sicily. I walk down the hallway trying to avoid everyone's eye contact. I really want to drag Carlotta here back for what she did earlier. I never seen Edmund around after that, he might be embarrassed and decided not to talk with us.
"Annie" Edmund calls me out from a room while I walk on the hallway.
I stop by its door and I saw Karl, Emil, Klaus and Frederik, inside. Karl is laughing with Klaus while Emil is writing something on his notebook. Frederik is sitting on a chair with his legs in a number four position while he reads. He flips the pages of his book and he didn't notice me at the door.
"I'm sorry for what I did at the cafeteria, Annie" Edmund frowns, "I didn't mean to act like that but Carlotta treats me like I did something really bad at her" he continues.
"No, it's okay Edmund. I know Carlotta was rude for saying that on your face" I response in a gentle tone. I try to steal glances on Frederik who is still reading his book.
"So Annie, will you go with me tomorrow?" He asks while his hands are in his pocket.
"I'm not sure Edmund, my father is strict when it comes to that. He will definitely say no" I answer briefly, "I'm sorry to disappoint you Edmund"
A slight frown flashes on his thin lips, "Don't be sorry for that Annie, I'm glad that you are honest with this"
"Hey, what's going on?" Karl appears next to Edmund and he taps his back twice.
Edmund sighs and he rubs his nape, "I ask Annie to watch an opera with me tomorrow night but she declines"
Karl smirks at him then he faces me, "Annie, why?" He imitates a squeaky voice.
"My dad won't allow me to date anyone unless he knew it" I simply answer.
"Karl, maybe Annie likes another guy not Edmund" Klaus interrupts from behind.
"If she likes someone then let her be. She can choose whoever she wants" Frederik says as he closes the book. His eyes pierce on my entire being while I stand on the door.
"Am I right, Annie?" Frederik teases with a smile. That naughty smile of him! I hate it but I love it too.
"I do-don't like a-anyone nor o-other g-guy!" I exclaims but my hands are shaking terribly. Frederik is just steps away from me and I lost my stance.
Karl burst into laughter that he bends a little in pain on his abdomen. He saw my reaction when I defended myself like I'm really guilty of liking someone or what. He wipes his teary eyes before he looks at me again.
"Annie, you better go home" Karl snorts, "It's obvious that you like someone because you're hell red as tomato"
I immediately left without any word and I can feel the embarrassment inside my system. My head flashes that smile on Frederik's face while he teases me with that question.
"Hey miss! Don't cross the road yet!" A man honks his car on me. It snaps me back to where I'm at. I haven't notice that I'm already closer to our home. I'm just occupied for the past few days. I need to get rid of this things on my head.
When I reach our front porch, I stop my tracks for a moment and I lean on our wooden door. I saw Anton walking towards our porch with a lousy face.
"Why are you here?" He asks in an irritated manner.
"I just arrived Anton" I reply while I look at his tired-looking face. Anton has a dark brown hair, his suit is messy like his hair and he wears a brown leather shoes. His eyes are gloomy and tired. He doesn't talk a lot.
He rolls his eyes and gets a paper from his book bag, "A fucking English guy gave me that letter. He told me that you rejected his offer to ask you out. So he gave me that letter if ever you change your mind" he says as gives the letter to me.
"Edmund gave this to you?" I asks in disbelief.
He nods his head, "Yes, he asked me for a damn permission to ask you out" he scorns, "I told him that you can take her out as long you're not a fucking Nazi"
I hit Anton's arm and he groans in pain, "Why did you say that to him? You want to be hit on your face again?"
"I just don't want you dealing with those Nazi bastards at school like Frederik and his bastard friends" he says, "That English guy is not a Nazi so I like him"
Anton enters the house and I stay still on our porch to read Edmund's letter. He says that he will wait for me until 6pm. He gave Anton the letter to ask his permission to allow me to go with him in the opera. I think it was a brave move to approach my brother for this. Especially, Anton is a person that is hard to convince.
I wonder if ever Frederik will do this to me too. Well, that will never happen because Anton will surely be mad if Frederik would ask me for a date. He even slaps the truth in my face that he will only marry the most beautiful woman in school and that's not me.