I can feel the coldness on my legs while I walk down the road to the opera house. I wear a red halter dress with my black winter coat over it. Winter is really close because the wind is getting cooler. From the distant, I saw Edmund in his blue tux and khaki pants. He is wearing cream brown shoes and his bow tie is peach. He wears a fedora hat that suits him really well.
"Edmund!" I call him out. He turns around and he smiles.
"I thought you will never come" He says as he offers his arm for me to wrap my arms to him
I gently wrap my arms around his, "Anton told me that you have a letter for me"
"I'm sorry for dragging Anton into this but I'm really happy that you came" He chuckles and he shows me his tickets.
We walk inside the opera door, a stunning bright red curtain covers the entire stage. We place ourselves in the middle row seat and I take off my winter coat.
"You look really astonishing with your dress, Annie" Edmund says and I notice the few freckles in his cheeks.
"Thank you Edmund. This dress is my mother's favorite dress" I reply shyly.
"Plus your eyes, I really like your eyes and even your hair. I wonder why no one asks you out for a date" he stares at me with curiosity, "Maybe, I am the right man to ask you for a date"
I plaster a smile on my face and tried to keep myself listening on Edmund. He shares a lot of stories but I never bothered myself to remember even a single word. My eyes roam around the opera house, the fancy life style of the Berlin socialites are obvious in this event. I think I'm the only low status individual here right now.
My eyes grows bigger when I see three gentlemen walks on the aisle towards the front row. The first one is Otto, he is wearing a mahogany brown tux, his brunette hair stuns everyone. He is a very fine looking guy and he is known for being smart. Behind Otto is Heinz, he's hair is yellowish brown. He is a combination of a brunette and a blonde hair. Heinz is wearing a white tux and his winter coat is neatly place in his right arm.
Lastly, Frederik, he is the tallest of all the three brothers. His hair is neatly comb for tonight and he looks really fine. He wears a black tux and khaki pants which is a little tight on his legs. He pairs it with a black clean bow tie, I can smell his incense even he is a far from me.
The play begins and the curtains move in opposite sideways. I keep my eyes on the stage while Edmund is talking with the man sitting next to him. The play talks about the English man who sails around the world to look for the missing spice for his dish.
I glance on Frederik's seat but he turns his head a little and his eyes caught mine. I can feel that I'm blushing, the heat on my cheeks is inevitable every time our eyes meet. He looks really good for tonight, like I can't help but keep my eyes on him.
"Did you like the play?" Edmund asks as we leave the door.
I nod my head gently and smiles, "Thanks for this wonderful experience Ed"
"You're welcome Annie, I hope I can still ask you out after this" he says while he rubs his nape.
"I'll try if my father allows me to go out for another date" I answers simply.
Edmund wasn't able to walk me home because he lives in a different block. So, I have to walk alone by myself and the night is quiet. I can hear my kitty doll heels on the pavement.
On the corner of my eye, I can see a group of men drags a beaten man from the road and dumps him near the trash. They are wearing long leather coats and fedora hats. My father told me that there is a Gestapo (secret police). They work to eliminate the enemy of the state especially those who express their dislike of the Nazis and Hitler.
"Annie" a familiar voice calls me out from a dark corner. I halt my tracks as the man came out from the darkness and my heart dropped on the ground instantly when I saw his face.
Frederik flashes a smirk and he walks closer to me. Then, I tried to move backwards or even move away.
"Why does Edmund allows to walk you alone at night?" He asks and he looks at his wrist, "It's half past 7 pm"
"He lives in a different street that's why we have to separate ways" I answer trying to avoid any eye contact with him.
I can hear his steps closer to mine, I want to run away from him but my feet were stuck like a stone, it's heavy to move.
"Are you trying to avoid me?" He asks as his voice becomes husky.
"No-no, I-I'm just trying not t-to bother y-you" I stutter. I really want to get vanish for a moment because I can't handle it. My heart is going to explode.
I lift my head slowly to see his face, I can see the firmness in him now. I can see an emotion in his eyes but I can't read it, I'm not sure if he is angry or sad. I can't keep my eye on him because I'm guilty of avoiding him. A defeaning silence struck us, I can feel the tension, I can't explain it.
"Come with me" he speaks to break the ice between us. He pass by me and I turn around to follow him with my eyes. He stops his pace beside a black Mercedes Benz. He opens the passenger door and gestures me to get in.
"I can walk Frederik, my house is 4 blocks away" I said trying to excuse myself from his offer.
He pursed his lips and sighs heavily, "I don't fucking care if your house is in the mountains. I want to drive you safely because it's not safe for you to walk alone like this" he explains in a stern tone, "Plus, you are a woman".
I have no choice but to obey him, so I get myself inside his car. He closes the door and walks to the driver's door. He enters the car then relaxes himself for a minute. My hands sweat profusely, we are inside his car alone.
He starts the engine of his car, then he moves the steering wheel and starts driving.
My eyes were glued on the sight outside as I lean slightly on the passenger door. Awkwardness filled the air between us, I never knew that he can drive a car. Maybe, this is normal when you came from an elite family.
"Where are your brothers?" I ask to break the deafening silence.
"They went in a restaurant with their girlfriends. They will have a double date since Otto is engage to her fianceé" He replies while his eyes were on the road.
I nod my head gently, "Why don't you go with them? So that you can eat your dinner".
He laughs a little and his eyes glances at me, "If you're with me earlier, I will be able to eat dinner with them".
My face looks puzzled with his words, "What do you mean?". I don't understand what he is trying to tell me, does he mean that he needs a friend for him not to feel outcast with his brothers? or he wants a girlfriend for him to join a date? That thought gives me little butterflies in my belly. I can't even imagine dating Frederik, my heart might explode!
He sighs heavily then he stops the car, "You don't get, do you?".
"I just don't really get it. Anyways, Thank you and I have to get inside" I plaster a weak smile and I open the passenger door. I look at him for one more time before I finally gets out then closes it. I can see his solemn face on the driver's seat. He honk for a second then he drives away, I watch him lost in my sight.
Weekend flies like a loop in time, I'm still really curious of what Frederik meant that night. I don't want to assume that it means something special because it hurts to think that what you expect is a total opposite of the result.
"So did you went out for a date with Edmund?" Carlotta whispers while flipping the pages of her book. We are in the library to study for the upcoming exam. Winter is approaching same as the exam.
"It went great and the play was fantastic" I chuckles. I pull out my notebook in my bag and write down the phrase that Frederik told me last Saturday. I show it to Carlotta and her eyes narrow.
"If you're with me earlier, I will be able to eat dinner with them. What is this?" She asks in confusion.
"I mean, if someone told you this how will you interpret it?" I ask trying not to sound desperate.
"So that person means I'm a kitchen utensil? Or maybe a pass slip?" She shrugs.
I roll my eyes on her answer, "What if a man have brothers and he wasn't able to join their double date with their partners. Then he tell you this" I explain.
"Well, I will think of it that if I am his girl he will be able to join them" she says, "So why are you asking this?"
I swallow a heavy lump on my throat, "Well, I read a book and the man in the story tells her those words, she doesn't get it" I reply.
Carlotta looks at me with her suspicious look. Like Anton, she is also hard to convince or maybe I'm not just really good at concealing lies.
"Hey Annie" Edmunds approaches our table. Carlotta smirks then she mumbles something.
"Hi Ed!" I smile at him. I notice a bouquet of flowers on his hand.
"By the way Annie, this is for you" He gives me the flowers. Some students were looking at us like they are waiting if I'm going to accept it or not.
I accept the flowers and put it on the table, "You don't have to give me this Ed".
"You deserve a flower, Annie" he takes my hand and pecks on it. Carlotta's eyes grew bigger when she witness what Edmund did. I flinches quickly and grabs my hand back. I can feel that I'm blushing because of Edmund, no butterflies, just redness of my face.
"Hey Ed!" I heard Karl's voice calling Edmund. I can hear their footsteps walking closer to us. I look at Carlotta who mumbles something, she is trying to say a word on me but I can't understand it.
"Karl, I thought you guys are busy" Edmund greets Karl with a tap in his shoulder.
"Frederik just finished all what we need to do. You know he is our brain here" Karl says in a joking tone, "Well, look who's here! Then, we got some flowers"
I turn my eyes on Karl and my eyes caught Frederik next to him. He's not looking at me, he's talking with Klaus and Emil. Edmund and Karl has a chat of their own. Carlotta is cleaning up her things and puts them in her bag then she smirks at me.
"We gotta go" Carlotta mutters.
I nod my head a little then I place my books inside my bag. I do it as quiet as I could not to get their attention on me. They are just behind me, they are chatting. Is it odd they are talking inside the library but it seems they doesn't make any disturbance since there voice are close to a hush sound.
"Where are you going?", Edmund ask when he notice that I stood up.
I look at him and grins, "I have— I mean we have to go. We have a project to do"
"Can I go with yo—", Edmund wasn't able to finish his question because Carlotta glares at him.
"No, we don't accept an English dog following us" she snares and grabs my arm. I take the flower with me then Carlotta drags me out of the library. Edmund and his friends were left there dumbfounded. Karl tries to approach us but he never do.
We go straight to the football field, we place ourselves under a big oak tree. The leaves were orange and red, it looks bald than the last time I saw it. I guess, winter is near the door.
"Now, tell me, what is going on with you and Edmund?" Carlotta ask curiously.
"Nothing, I have no idea why he gave me flowers, I never told him to" I answer trying to satisfy Carlotta.
She raise her eyebrow, "Darling, he won't give those flowers if he doesn't like you"
I roll my eyes and pulls my bag aside, "He is trying to ask me for another date but I told him I'm not sure"
"You know Annie, I don't like him. He has this aura that so arrogant but he looks like a pauper" she snorts while her fingers are playing the grass.
"Why? He's a nice guy and he is a gentleman" I says.
She shrugs her shoulders, "I don't know, I just don't like him at all. If I will be dating someone the least, it will be him"
"Oh, they say that when you hate someone it means opposite" I grins teasingly.
A disgust flashes on her face, "Eww! I will never ever let that guy have me! lui non mi piace per niente! Disgustoso!" Her accent stands out when she speaks.
I burst out into laughter, Carlotta stares at me with her face palm. She groans in annoyance and hugs her legs while she looks at the field. All I know is, she likes an Italian guy named Fabian Giuseppe.
"Carlotta" I call her out. She's busy looking at the boys who were playing football and I realize why she's smiling. Fabian is out there playing with his team. He is wearing a white long sleeves, brown trousers and a grey vest over it. Fabian is an Italian who migrated here in Germany like Carlotta, she met him through their circle of friends.
"Isn't he so sexy?" She asks while her eyes sparks so bright.
"I think so but Carlotta—"
"Just be quiet Annie, I want to take my man in silence" she hushes. She is enjoying her time staring at Fabian and I don't want to interrupt that but my diary is lost. I did everything to look for it in my bag but I can't find it. I even take out my books just to look for it but it is nowhere to be found!
I want to get back to the library to find it before anyone takes it and reveal my deepest secret! What if I left it there and someone took it? Goodness of goose! They will read all my secrets there! The whole campus will find out that I like Frederik! They will tease and bully me for that!
Thinking of it will give me hundreds of reason to have a heart attack! Or what if Frederik reads it? He will surely laugh at me for liking him. I just want to have it back!
"Carlotta I lost my diary" I blurts.
"Oh that's okay, you can ju— what the heck? You lost your diary? The one you write all your fantasies with Frederik?!" She looks at me like she is blown away.
I nod my head slowly and holds her arm, "Carlotta please help me find it, I can't take losing it" I beg.
She sighs heavily, "Alright, let's go find it before you the whole school finds out who's the guy you're crazy at" she says, "I badly want to watch Fabian but your diary is more important!"
We went first to our classroom but my desk is clean and there is no diary. The next stop is our washroom, I remember that I place my bag near a sink but still nowhere to be found. Our last stop is the library, when we enter the library there are few students that are reading books. I quickly sprints on our table earlier and the there is no diary. My heart sinks down in the abyss, I feel like I want to go to Birmingham and never go back.
I look at Carlotta with teary eyes, I'm trying to suppress them but it's heavy to bear. She holds my arm and caress my hair. What if someone found it then everything will be a disaster!
"You don't have to cry about it Annie, I can sense that it is in the good hands" she tries to comfort me while we are walking.
I wipe my tears with my finger, "What if Frederik found out that I like him? I will really die in shame if he did" my posture slumps.
"Maybe you just left it in your room" she says while she gestures me to stop crying.
"I don't leave my diary in my room, you know I share a room with Felicity. She reveals a lot of my secret stuff" I reply.
She exhales then pouts, "We will try to find it tomorrow, let's go to school early and let's swarm the campus just to find that" she ensures.
I walked down the street alone, the autumn breeze is getting colder. I can feel that winter is coming closer and closer. I can't stop overthinking about my diary where it is. My eyes were on the flowers that Edmund gave me today. I want to throw them but I don't know where.
"Annie" a beautiful voice appears in a corner. I saw Frederik leaning against the brick wall of an apartment building. He is wearing a navy blue tux and trousers. His black leather belt adds a charm in his look. He wears a black coat over his tux paired with his cream cap toe shoes. I never seen him in a cream shoes.
"Frederik, what are you doing here?" I asks with a smile. I quickly hide the flowers behind my back, trying to keep my stance.
He chuckles and walks closer to mine, "I talk with Karl on that café" he points out the cafe across us, "Then I saw you walking so I told him I have to go"
"Oh, you don't have to do that and leave Karl there" I says.
"No, he's okay with that. He knows that my reason to leave him is you" He grins. I look at him and I can see his warm eyes stares back at me. I never felt like this even before when I was in Birmingham. I admit that I got a crush on a guy but not like Frederik.
"So let's go Annie" he snaps.
I nod my head softly and walks next to him. He shares a lot about the Hitler Youth and Emil's chance to sent his poems to Hitler. I can see that he is really dedicated in what he does, it seems he is a passionate man.
When we reached the block of my home, I told him not to walk with me in the front porch. I don't want Anton nor dad to see him. They have really prying eyes with German guys right now. Especially, I promised Dad that I won't involve myself with any man from Hitler youth.
Frederik takes his attaché and my eyes grew in surprise. He gives me my diary, the diary that contains all my fantasies about him. The fantasy that we are going to have eight children in the future, weird things like that. Oh my god! This might be my fastest heart rate ever! I just want to grab it and fly away from him. I can feel the heat on my cheeks, I know this is really crazy!
"I found it on the table when you left. So I took it and I decided to give it back to you" He chuckles.
I swiftly grab my diary from his hands, "Thank you Frederik" I mumbles.
"Don't worry I never read even a single word from that" He smirks and he leans closer to my ear, "I know that's your diary" he whispers, the huskiness in his voice can make my legs really weak.
My feet turns into stone, I can't move even my toes. I want to take a step but my body is too numb for me to run away. He moves his face closer to mine, like I can feel his hot breath on my nose. His attracting smell makes me want to grab him closer to mine.
"Edmund told me that he likes you" He tells in a solemn face, "But I wonder what makes you fool this much. I never seen you react like this in front of him" he grins.
"I-I d-do r-react like t-this i-in hi-him" my voice stutters.
He pulls himself a little and he looks at the flowers on my hand, "I can give more than that Annie" he turns around then walks away.
I try to approach him but I choose not to do it. I throw the flowers in an alley where there are pile of trash. I walk to our front porch with a puzzled face, I don't understand what Frederik is trying to tell me. He doesn't elaborate what he says, he just give me this cryptic messages that I don't know. He looks cold and solemn but what I love about him is when he smiles, the brightness in his face. That's what I love.
I hop on my bed and smutters my face with my squishy pillow. I get my diary inside my bag then a note slips from it. I know that I never tried to place even a single note in my diary. I look at it with a puzzling face then my eyebrows raise as I read it.
"I'll see you at the park, 4pm"
Did Frederik put this? I don't know, but I hope it was him! Well, I can just assume for a moment just to feel the butterflies in my stomach.
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