Am so fucked

That's the only thing that I can think of now as I stand face to face with Old Herman, my now former tenant. His face might look friendly but he is also the scariest person one can ever come across especially when he glaring.

I stare down at my suitcase feeling the guilt and embarrassment sink in like a diesease. How had one month turned into six months?

"I cannot do this anymore with you Nellie girl. I have been patient for six damn months." he spits.

I knew that I had the debt. I know it accumulated each month that passed but with my student loan and father's hospital bills, that was the least of the worries. For fuck sake I didn't even have a good job to pay off half of these debts let alone feed myself properly. One way or another I knew a moment like this was so damn near.

I stare into Old Herman's eyes wishing I could beg my way out of the situation however I know better. I have done that for what, eight times?

"The only thing I want is for you to get off my property before I make it downstairs or else you wouldn't want to end up in prison." he continues seriously.

Prison could be my only option now. At least they serve free food and the security is tight. Though thinking about my father, I can't abandon him. Out of all times, he needs me now. And I am also not ready to be anyone's bottom.

Hearing Old Herman's boots click against the old floor while he walks down the hallway, I know I am done. Taking a hold of my suitcase in one hand and the duffel bag in the other, I walk down the same path he just disappeared.

Fixing a forced smile on my face, I glance at Derek, the building guard. How I hate the look of pity his eyes hold. It makes me feel so helpless. Derek has been so good to me and one of the kindest people on the building. I hate for him to see me this way.

Finally outside the building, I sigh hard. Why do I feel like I am suffocating when I am outside? It is the panic and fear threatening to erupt inside me. This building had one of the cheapest rooms and if I couldn't afford it, I am not sure about the others.

The money left on me is not even enough to support me for the next two days. When my vision becomes blurry, I know that it's the tears. What am I going to do now?

A honk of the taxi startles me out of my thoughts. Where will I go now? Spending money on a taxi to nowhere is the last thing I need on my agenda. Nodding to the driver, I take the opposite route securing my hoodie tight on my head.

If this situation hasn't broken me yet, the stares thrown my way will do the magic.

Thankfully people avoid my way like I caught a disease and when any throws a glance at me, the extend at the other side of the road. Finally tired of pulling the heavy suitcase, I stop at the nearby park settling on a vacated bench.

I might as well die if I am going to suffer like this which suddenly is not an option. Retrieving my phone from my pocket, I check to find nothing. No missed calls or messages. Sometimes I forget I am not that popular.

Perusing through my phone for the number I want, it is Rachel's. Rachel is my best friend. Well, my only real friend since I joined college. Right now, she is my last, safest and only option.

Dialing her number, it takes a few seconds before I hear her voice through the speaker. I sigh before I mutter a cool hello.

"What is the matter Nels?" the tone of her voice changes instantly. I am not that good at lying or Rachel can read through me even on the other side.

"I need your help. Can you come by at the park three blocks from my apartment?" I ask.

"Why? What is the matter?" her strained voice asks.

"Just come. I can't say it on the phone."

"Alright I will be there in a few minutes." At least I can count on her.

Hanging up, I lift my gaze to take in my surroundings. A few stares from an old couple and a mother of two. A little boy playing with a ball. A mother with a baby in a stroller. The girl on the other bench is eating a burger. The sight makes my stomach grumble. The last time I ate was yesterday lunch. They were some left overs during my shift.

"Nellie,"

I look behind to find Rachel with a tight lipped smile. I haven't seen her in three days.

"Hey," she hugs me briefly. I force a smile on my lips.

"What the hell is this Nellie? What happened?" Rachel asks curiously.

"I happen to be homeless now." I mutter.

"Old Herman threw you out?"

"Apparently." I reply lowly.

"Jeez. How bad?" Rachel asks seriously. When she gives me the don't bullshit me look, I sigh.

"Six months." I murmur embarrassed.

Despite my misfortunes, Rachel Walter is the complete opposite of me. She comes from a well off family, a stable one at that.

"You told me things were fine Nellie. You lied." she scowls. Rachel is always ready to help me and I know it. She has helped me on several occasions in college however these are my burdens and I have to carry them on my own.

"What happened to us telling each other everything?" she asks. I look away afraid of what I will see in her eyes. We tell each other everything but somehow things got bigger.

"I am sorry."

That is all I can say at this time. I know she can understand.

"I only need a place to stay now." I mutter guiltily. I don't want Rachel to think that I am using her or something.

"I will pay you..."

"Nellie..." Rachel takes my hand in hers. Her soft eyes meet my desperate ones.

"I moved in with Ed." Rachel announces. I frown. Edward is Rachel's boyfriend of two years. I didn't know they had taken the next step. Their couple is my favorite couple I know but I didn't know about this.

"When did this happen?" I ask taken back.

"The last day we met. I met with Ed and he asked me to move in with him and I said yes." The smile on her face says all I need to know. Rachel deserves all the happiness.

"I am sorry Nellie." Rachel mutters softly.

I knew a day like this would happen somehow. We aren't college kids anymore. While everyone's life is moving on smoothly, mine is sinking in a quick sand. I don't know how I am going to revive myself now and it breaks my heart.

"However I know of someone who can help you." Rachel mutters. My eyes quickly snap up to hers.

"Devan, my brother. He owes me anyways." Rachel says thoughtfully.

"Don't worry. He will be good to you." she assures when I cast her a look. I would have declined the offer on another terms but I am desperate. I am literally homeless so even the thought of living with a guy doesn't faze me at all.

"Now come on." Rachel shoots up taking a look at my luggage.

"Nellie you look dehydrated and your lips are chapped. When was the last time you ate for Christ's sake? Come on, it is my treat." Rachel orders. I shoot up having nothing else to say and I am starving.