Bishop Carmichael
As soon as Sandy left my office, I called Susie in and asked her to request my driver. I did not know why, but after having spoken to His Holiness, I had started to feel the need to go to the hospital and visit again this mysterious woman who apparently had become the recipient of an invaluable and precious gift. Was it possible for anyone to really comprehend how precious? I sure could not wrap my head around it.
When Susie informed me that the car was waiting up-front for me, I simply told her I would be out for the rest of the day, that she could locate me through my cellphone, and then took all my things and left. I did not inform her of where I was going, as I did not wish for anyone to know. It wasn´t that I did not trust her, but something inside me told me to keep this quiet. After all, it was not an official visit, but more of a pastoral one.
When my driver and I finally reached the hospital, I was struck again by the effect that this whole thing was already having. Despite the fact that I had issued an order throughout the Diocese, that other bishops had also been requested to order their faithful to keep quiet and stay out of this situation, and that the hospital, and Emily´s family, had reinforced their security and restrictions, there were still hordes of people stationed here. I did not even wish to imagine what this would become if any further news were leaked out.
I slowly walked into the hospital and went towards the ICU waiting room where I knew I would probably find Jamie Summers, one of our most faithful parishioners. And indeed, I was not disappointed when I arrived.
I found Jamie exactly how Sandy had told me she had found him, surrounded by an aura of such sadness that it would have dampened even the happiest of moods. This man, as Sandy had said, was going through the pits of hell.
The man looked up as soon as he heard me coming in and, in an instant, stood from his seat to rush toward me to greet me.
"My son, Jamie, how have you been?" I asked of the man I had now been visiting at least once a week because I felt that in the absence of Father Gregor, whom I knew had been helping him survive this, it was my duty to step in and help this most devoted man.
"Father Carmichael," Jamie said, using the title I had asked him to use for me instead of monsignor. "There has been absolutely no change, but at least today there hasn´t been a turn for the worse."
I led Jamie back to the sofas and took a seat myself, placing my hand on the man´s back in an attempt to comfort him. However, I felt there was very little in the way of consolation I could offer.
"That is good my child, no bad news then. How are you holding up?"
"I… I do not even know at this point, Father. I feel completely drained, and empty inside, and to be honest, abandoned."
I felt shocked by Jamie´s choice of words, but most of all, I felt worried. Beyond the pain that I knew he was experiencing, I sensed a bit of despair and that was most concerning to me.
"What do you mean abandoned my son? By whom?"
"I´m ashamed to say this to you, Father," Jamie said with his head hung low as if he were talking to someone who shouldn´t hear what he wanted to say. I immediately moved to ease his discomfort.
"Jamie, I am here as a pastor, your pastor, not as a judge. I know I am not Father Gregor, but I want you to confide in me and let me help you through this. You cannot face this alone, my child. Trust me, there is nothing you can say that will shock me."
I suddenly became aware that tears had started spilling from the man´s eyes, and I moved my hand from his back toward his joined hands. I did not pressure him to talk but only waited for him to choose to trust me. And sure enough, he did.
"I…" the man started saying just as sobs began to erupt, making it hard for him to talk. "I… feel that God has abandoned me!" he finally burst out.
I did not immediately say anything but only allowed him to say all that he needed to before I intervened. I evidently chose the right path because he started talking more.
"Father, why is this happening to us? Why is this happening to me? Does God not care for me at all? For my family? We are going through hell, Father, and no matter how hard I pray, how much, I just do not see any response. Is God having a laugh at my expense? Does He even care? Where the hell is HE?!"
I still did not say anything, and Jamie kept on going, just as if a dam had burst.
"I do not see Him anymore, Father, I do not feel Him. I feel my faith is abandoning me and I simply do not know what to do. Because without faith I am nothing and I know things will be even worse. But… but I am so angry at God! He left me, Father, He absolutely left me to sink here, to drown. He gave me hope only to snatch it away, and now I feel like a boat that is taking water slowly and succumbing."
I gave myself a few seconds to gather my thoughts by breathing deeply, and I prayed that God would guide my words to help this poor soul out of the darkness that was eating him alive.
As soon as I opened my mouth and began to speak, I knew that my prayers had been heard and that the words flowing from me were coming from above.
"Jamie, listen to me carefully, and please open up your heart, okay?" I said as I moved my hand back towards Jamie´s back.
"I doubt that anyone can honestly say they understand the depth of your pain because only someone who has gone through it can empathize fully. But if someone can truly know the extent of your sorrow, that is God because He is going through it as if He were you. And believe me when I say that if God could prevent all pain in this world, He would do so; but He can´t. Not because He cannot but because we cast the dice once we decided that we would be the ones to choose what is good and what is bad. And that decision Jamie, which we make over and over every day, is what brought about pain and suffering.
"Jamie, God never wanted any of this for us, He did not create the world or us so that we would suffer. No, He created a world that was meant for us to enjoy, be happy in, and use to grow in our knowledge of Him. But like I said, we chose something completely different from what God had planned and what we go through now is a consequence of that choice. Is suffering fair? To our eyes no, but if we are to be completely honest, then yes, it would be. Because just as you accept that there will be consequences if you get burned after playing with fire, then too must you accept that your wrong choices, and unfortunately those of others, will cause you suffering.
"Emily was burdened by pain and darkness, Jamie, but she made several choices that led to this. And while it is true that her suffering blurred her capacity to choose correctly, the bottom line is that she could have chosen something else. And like that you could keep on tracing errors on her, you, and life itself, that led to what you are going through.
"But where is God then you asked me? Did He forget you and did He abandon you and your family? Is He having a laugh at your expense? The answers Jamie are multiple but what matters is that you learn to read between the lines.
"God has been right beside you helping you survive each day. He has sustained you and your family so that you can be here to help Emily. And no, He has not forgotten you or your family and He showed you several signs Jamie, or did you forget what you told Father Gregor? Just to mention one sign, He spared Emily´s life and brought her back from death itself. Do you wish for a clearer display?
"Jamie, you need to learn to read the signs because God speaks through thunder but most often, He uses the breeze. And it is that voice that most people do not detect. God is subtle Jamie, often working behind the scenes, but we have the hardest time seeing Him at work then."
When I finally came back to my senses and realized that I had spoken for a long time, I looked at Jamie expecting to see him having lost interest in my words, even to have a look of boredom. But instead, I saw that his eyes were trained on me and that he had been listening intently to everything I´d said. What was more, he had a look of awe to him that told me he had soaked in every word I had uttered, and that made me happy. I also noticed that a small glimmer of hope had come back to his eyes.
"Father, do you truly believe that Emily is having a supernatural experience with God?" Jamie asked me after a few seconds.
"Yes Jamie, I do believe that she is going through an event that most of us could only dream about, and I believe that whatever the outcome may be, this will change the lives of all those who have been called to experience it with her."
We stood in companionable silence for several minutes, and during that time I took several glances at Jamie, trying to ascertain if my words had truly helped him. What I saw encouraged me.
"Jamie," I suddenly broke the silence. "Do you think I could go in to see your wife? Would that be okay with you?"
"Father, you do not even have to ask me," the man replied. "If anything, I would be grateful."
I then stood up and while Jamie informed the ICU manager that I would be going in, I suited up.
When I arrived in the softly lit room, the first thing I did was look at the woman laying on that hospital bed and I was shocked anew by the frailty I saw. Once more I pondered on how vulnerable we truly are, and I wondered if this woman´s fate would be death.
I had been thus engrossed in my thoughts when I felt a sudden presence emerging from the shadows.
A young man, probably no older than thirty-five and bearing the warmest and most welcoming smile, walked up to me and to Emily. He moved as if he were gliding on water and to my astonishment, I realized that the closer he got to me the faster my heart beat.
Who in the world was this man and how had I not noticed him before?
The man took Emily´s hand in his and squeezed it gently before turning towards me with the kindest brown eyes I had ever seen. It was then that I realized that this man was not wearing any hospital gowns and my confusion about his identity grew.
"Why do you look so shocked Father Carmichael? Don´t you know Me?" the man asked softly as if he expected me to understand him. It suddenly registered that this man, whom I had never seen before, was addressing me as if he knew me from before.
"Who are you?" I asked in a whisper, feeling overcome by unexplainable awe. I did not know for sure but a part of me, maybe my soul, felt familiar with this man.
The man chuckled softly at my question.
"You know Me, Father Carmichael. You know who I am. Just listen to what your soul is telling you and you cannot miss it."
He then turned towards Emily again and leaned over her weakening body, bringing his lips to her forehead.
"Live, my child. Let your body grow stronger," the young man said very gently, his voice laced with a tenderness that I could barely withstand. It touched me so deeply, in fact, that I felt my heart somersaulting and tears springing to my eyes. Who in the world was he?
But that question got suddenly pushed into the background when I became aware that at the man´s words Emily´s vital signs, monitored by the machines, had reacted. The line displaying her heart activity showed a much more pronounced curve and the numbers for her breathing pattern and oxygen levels also showed clear improvement.
However, the vital signs were not the only indication that a miracle was being worked right before my very eyes. I became aware that Emily´s hand that the young man had been holding began to twitch, her fingers suddenly tensing and grasping onto his hand. Her legs also began to move slightly.
My mouth and my eyes opened up in shock and my heart, which had already been beating fast, somersaulted once more almost painfully. I felt a frisson going up my spine when my brain finally connected with my soul and the knowledge of whom I had before me registered.
My legs failed me, and I fell to my knees facing the young man. Tears sprang forth and began to fall like a river down my face. Five words flowed from my mouth at that very instant, "My Lord and my God."
"So, you finally understand who I am?" the man said gently, smiling at me still.
I was only able to nod my head, my words now failing me completely. I was too overcome by awe and shock, not to mention a sense of unworthiness, to be able to say anything.
"Father, I have come today and chosen to do this before your very eyes for two reasons. One, because I need you to understand that indeed there is something supernatural happening to both Emily Summers and Father Gregor connected to Me. And second, I need you to bear witness because just as you surmised, there is an ultimate reason for what is happening here. The world needs to see, and it needs to remember that I am real, that I am not the product of anyone´s imagination, that I am not dead, and that I am not an absentee God. But the world will not understand unless someone like you gives testimony.
"For now, this testimony I speak of must be given only to your brethren inside the Church, to your superiors, and most importantly to the Holy Father. The proper channels and protocols must be observed so that there can be no doubt. But when the time is right, and given the proper conditions, this event must be brought out into the light."
Right then, the door to the room opened distracting me from the man before me, and when I turned to look back, he had disappeared.
The nurse that had come in walked towards the bed and then towards the monitors and I heard her sharp intake of breath.
"This is not possible," the woman breathed out, showing her shock, before she began moving around Emily. I saw as she felt Emily´s pulse, then brought her stethoscope to her ears and to Emily´s chest, then moved her hands towards Emily´s limbs and finally opened one of her eyes. After she was done, she moved back and again I heard her whisper, "Impossible, this is simply impossible."
"Excuse me, miss, but what is impossible?" I asked, my eyes trained on Emily´s figure for a second before I looked again at the nurse.
"I came here because I saw some sharp changes in the vital signs of this woman, and I thought that the monitors must be malfunctioning. But I have now manually ascertained that the monitors were not failing at all. This woman´s body has recovered miraculously, and it almost seems as if she had not suffered anything at all."
I turned my eyes again towards Emily and my heart began to race.
"Miss, are her muscles also recovered? Are her limbs responding? I asked almost quietly.
"That´s the other shocking development here. Her muscles had begun to atrophy from being in bed and immovable for so long and her neurological activity was almost non-existent. But her muscle tone has recovered almost completely and when I checked her limbs there was a response to my stimulation."
She then turned to look at me, realized that I was someone from the Church, and said in awe, "Father, this is unbelievable but real. I need to get the doctor to confirm my findings, but I think this woman was the recipient of a miracle."
Those words brought forth the image of the young man and tears sprang to my eyes. My heart squeezed tightly inside my chest, and I felt an almost irrepressible urge to run to the nearest chapel or temple so I could fall on my knees before the Holy Sacrament. And I knew then without a shred of doubt that I had not imagined that encounter, that indeed I had been in the presence of God, and that my mission and life would change.
I thanked the nice nurse and excused myself from the room. I then walked to the ICU waiting room apparently in a daze because Jamie and his now present family mentioned it to me, excused myself hastily, and went to the car that awaited me.
As soon as I got in and the car began to move, I pulled out my phone, dialed Susie and asked her to arrange a trip for me as soon as possible to the Vatican. I had to tell His Holiness immediately what I had seen and heard, and I had to ensure that what that young man – whose name I did not dare ask at the time – had requested was carried out.
Once that was arranged, and Susie had managed to secure a flight for me that very evening, I went home to pack, and I dialed the number for His Holiness´s private secretary. I only had to wait around a minute, and I was soon put through.
"You Eminence," His Holiness greeted. "I am guessing there must be a pressing reason for your call at this time. How can I be of service?"
"Holiness, you are indeed correct, something absolutely unbelievable but that I myself witnessed today happened. I do not want to go into too much detail over the phone as it is of the most sensitive nature, but I did promise to keep you informed of all my movements regarding the Emily Summer´s case."
"Can you at least give me something? From your excited tone and from what little you just said I am getting that whatever you witnessed was pretty important."
"Your Holiness, there are no words to describe it but what I can tell you right now is that everything about Emily Summers´s event is real. And even if I wanted to relay the immensity of what happened to me while I visited her in her hospital room, I would not be able to do it.
"Holiness, what I will be telling you once I arrive, and the message I bear, will change a lot of us. I know for a fact that I will never be the same myself."
"When does your plane leave, You Eminence?"
"I leave at 8 pm my time and should be arriving around midday in the Vatican, Your Holiness. Should I go to the Secretary of State? Or should I go to your office straightaway?"
"Come straight to me, please. I will deal with the people here and ask that we are not interrupted by anyone, regardless of what the reason might be. Then, if you think it might be needed, we can go to the private Adoration chapel."
"Thank you, Holiness, I will see you then in a few hours," and with that I hung up the phone.
I arrived at the airport around 6 pm, went through the motions as normal, and once I was inside the waiting room at the appropriate gate, I sat in deep thought while I waited for my flight to be called.
I reached the Vatican exactly at noon and was shocked to see that His Holiness had come out with his secretary to greet me. That was rare an occurrence, if not unheard of, but I had not imagined that I would be the recipient of such deference.
"Eminence, I am so glad to welcome you back here," His Holiness said as we exchanged greetings. He then ushered me straight to the Adoration chapel near his own quarters. It seemed to me, as we walked, that this amazing man, wise beyond words, had received some sort of inspiration that I would need the silence and peace of the chapel to relay what I had to.
We spent more than two hours inside the most sacred place talking before the Holy Sacrament and by the end of that time several things were decided. The first was that a formal investigation headed by the Pope himself would take place. The second was that a widespread prohibition from the Vatican would be placed into effect for all Church members – lay, religious and clergy - regarding the two people who were part of this immense event. This meant that people could neither talk about what was happening nor hound the Summers´s family or Father Gregor. The third was that all communication about and all updates revolving around Emily Summers and Father Gregor would be handled by my office and the Pope himself; not even his secretary would be involved.
It was also agreed that once the proper protocols were observed, and depending on the outcome of the investigation, what I was asked to do by God Himself would be carried out. His message for the world through Emily Summers, and Father Gregor now, would be delivered.