Sandy
Days became weeks, and weeks turned into a month without a single change. Father Gregor remained just the same but not even the foremost experts knew what was going on. Because, medically speaking, it seemed that everything was normal, and therefore it was unexplainable why he had not regained consciousness.
I had had to inform the Diocese about the situation, and Bishop Carmichael had become involved. He had gone to visit Father Gregor at the hospital, had spoken to the doctors and nurses about what had happened, and then he had sought me out to discuss both the temporary replacement of our beloved priest and to ask what I knew about this matter.
I told him what I had seen the day I had discovered Father Gregor, and also about the journal I had seen in his office regarding his observations and notes on Emily Summer´s case, and he had insisted on me delivering those to him. He said that since it seemed Medicine could not explain what was happening, and given the connection with Emily Summers, he needed to begin an investigation to know what was going on. I knew then that things would turn big, and the Church in full would become involved. Something of this magnitude, that was beginning to grow like a tidal wave, could not be left unattended.
Because many people had witnessed now both what had happened during Emily Summers´ Anointing, and what was happening at this time with Father Gregor, and they were talking. Even parishioners, who had been asked to not speculate and spread word of what was happening, had been unable to keep quiet. In fact, now there was even publicity going out, and I had had to work hard to keep the press out. I could not imagine what the poor Summers family must be going through.
I too had been accosted several times now, and my family as well, and I had found news crews parked both near and at my home. It was a good thing both my family and I knew how to keep our mouths shut, unlike so many others. I knew this was no small matter, I knew something mystical was happening, but I also knew that letting something like this out before the Church investigated and gave a concept of what was happening, would be tantamount to generating a magical event. And somewhere deep in me I knew this was a sacred event that could transform many lives. It was no small matter.
I released a sigh and stopped my reflections as I parked my car in front of the hospital where Emily Summers was still kept. I took my handbag and proceeded into the busy main building and went up to the ICU ward, where I knew Emily´s family, but especially her husband Jamie, would be.
I had been constantly in contact with Jamie Summers, keeping him abreast of Father Gregor´s situation. The reason was that I knew how deeply connected the two of them had been, and how important having Father Gregor near had been for him and his entire family. But more than that, I knew that Jamie wished to know about the developments regarding the investigation, as he was convinced that Father Gregor´s event, and Emily´s case, were connected.
As expected, as soon as I came into the ICU ward´s waiting room, I found Jamie sitting on one of the many comfortable sofas, with a coffee in hand and a faraway look. He had been like this for the longest time now, as if most of his life had been sucked away, and I knew that his family was deeply concerned for him. The worst part was that despite all efforts, he seemed to be going further down and no one seemed to be making any difference. As I approached him, I wondered if anyone would be able to pull him out of this, and what would happen to him if Emily died.
I learned not too long ago that despite the miraculous return to life, and her having hung on to life this far, Emily´s body was again showing signs of deterioration. And despite the fact that she had been placed back on life support, her family requesting this after getting their hopes up with her having returned to life, her body was shutting down slowly but surely.
I went to the absentminded Jamie, sat down next to him, and placed a comforting hand on his back. The man simply turned his head to the side, and I was shocked to see his dull eyes. Jamie had always been an easy-going and happy man, but this situation had drained every drop of joy, and it showed in his dead eyes. It was also a telltale sign that he had not reacted to my presence.
"How are you holding up, Jamie?" I asked gently.
"Sandy, thank you for coming to visit again. There are no changes whatsoever with Emily, so, I would say I am going through the motions day by day for the sake of my children and my family. Other than that, I am barely hanging on, and without Father Gregor, I feel like I am slipping away with her," he said, his voice as dull as his eyes.
Despite the fact that I had never truly liked Emily – I honestly thought of her as a nuisance and after her attempted suicide as the most selfish person alive – I could not help but feel sorry for both her and him. I knew that Jamie´s life revolved around his wife, that his love for her was so strong and deep that not even death would be able to break it, and it pained me to see this great man so hurt and so sad.
And the truth was that, despite what she thought of Emily, she knew that the woman loved her husband, and family, with all her heart. Maybe that is why she was having such a hard time understanding her reasons for trying to end her life.
"I am sorry Jamie, I truly am. I will keep praying for you, for her, and for your family."
"Thank you, Sandy. How´s your family?" Jamie asked, attempting to smile at me.
"We are all good Jamie, thank God. My husband is out of town right now on a business trip, and my children are well. Thanks for asking."
He smiled softly and took a sip of his coffee. Then, while nursing the foam cup, he took a deep breath and prepared to ask me what we both knew would be coming.
"What about Father Gregor? How are things on that front?"
"Things are pretty much the same. Bishop Carmichael has had to put a ban on people at the Diocese speaking about both Emily´s and Father Gregor´s situations. He also requested that parishioners abstain from coming here and to Father Gregor´s room. He cannot stop the press and anyone outside of the Diocese, but he can with people in that jurisdiction."
Again, Jamie attempted a smile, but it was watered-down at best, and it moved my heartstrings like very few things could. His pain was so deep, so intense, that it radiated from him like heat waves. It hurt just looking at him.
"I was wondering why we were not getting hordes of people here. Well, except for press members and a few others. The hospital had to place extra security at the entrances and here, and I had to hire security for my entire family. They are driving us all nuts! Well… at least my children, parents, and in-laws. I cannot be bothered much now," he said with a dead tone.
"Jamie, you need to pull yourself together. I know this hurts you like crazy, I know how much you love Emily, but if you keep like this you will get sick, and your children do not need more heartache."
He released a sigh, one filled with an entire ocean of pain, and then looked at me.
"I know Sandy, and believe me, I am trying with all my might. But I see Emily, I remember how hopeful I became when she recovered so miraculously, and how now she is going back down, and I cannot help but feel almost desperate. Why is God doing this to my family and me? Why is He inflicting this pain upon us? I know that this is the result of a very wrong choice made by Emily, but He gave us hope only to take it away! And now He has taken my only support, my bedrock, the man I was literally leaning on to survive. So, how can I be any different?"
I stared at the ground with tears in my eyes, feeling the despair in each of Jamie´s words. I knew that he was not sincerely trying to blame God for what had happened, or what was happening, but it was evident that he was living through the process of those who grieve and think that God will stop all pain from happening.
I looked back up at Jamie and placed my hand on his.
"I know you are having the most difficult battle of your life Jamie, and I know you are feeling the deepest pain any human can have. I know that you do not truly blame God, and I know you are trying to hang on to your faith, using it as the lifeboat you need at this time. So, I will not lecture you on what you just said. But Jamie, remember this, God is not a magical formula that will remove all pain and all difficulties from our lives. We make choices in life, and those choices always have effects on both us and those around us, and all God can do is try to help us through those consequences.
I do not know why you and your family are being put through this, but I know that despite the wrong choice Emily made, everything that is happening has a deeper meaning, and God is helping all of you to survive and also to see what that meaning is. And we cannot lose sight of the bigger picture.
There is something going on here Jamie, I am convinced of that. Something that we cannot envision, or understand, fully right now, but when things become clearer, I think this will change us all."
Jamie placed his other hand on top of mine and smiled a bit more warmly this time.
"Thanks, Sandy, thanks for those words. So, do you think that this is a mystical event that is happening? You think that Emily´s situation and Father Gregor´s are connected?"
"I read Father Gregor´s journal, and I listened to your account of what happened at the Anointing, and I cannot help but think that something really important is taking place here. I see God working on something really important here, something that will affect the world around us. So, yes, I do believe a mystical event is happening here."
Jamie went silent again, his mind evidently working things out.
I had also learned from Father Gregor´s journal that Jamie himself had had a very peculiar and yet unexplained experience when he had found his wife in that waterfall, but of course, I wasn´t dumb enough to ask him to his face, especially since he had told that to Father Gregor in confidence. And I respected privacy with all my heart. I hadn´t even told my husband.
Several minutes passed on in silence, and then, my phone began to vibrate. When I took it out, I found that I was being contacted by Bishop Carmichael´s private secretary. Excusing myself, I went outside and took the call.
"Hey Susie, it´s been a while. How are you? How can I be of assistance?"
The woman on the other end of the line responded to my greeting and then got straight to the point.
"Sandy, Bishop Carmichael has asked me to request that you please come here this afternoon. Seems he needs to talk to you about something related to Father Gregor. Can you make it by 3?"
I looked at my phone´s calendar, to see if I had anything else scheduled. I also looked at my messages to see if maybe I was needed at the parish, but it seemed I was not.
"Sure Susie, please tell the bishop I will be at his office by 3 this afternoon. Is there anything specific he would need me to take to the meeting?"
"Not as far as I am aware. I think he just wants to ask you about the documents you sent him. He is getting concerned about the calls he has been getting from different parishes regarding Father Gregor and Emily Summers's situation. And I think he was also contacted by the Vatican. It has only been a few days since he contacted his superiors at the Vatican, so it seems the matter is more urgent than we thought. Usually, the Vatican does not contact anyone that fast."
I felt a chill running down my spine after Susie´s information. It was absolutely true. Usually, it took the Vatican a good time to get back on any matter, unless it was something really urgent that needed immediate attention. What in the world was going on?
"Sandy, are you there?"
"Susie, I am so sorry, I spaced out. Please tell the bishop I will be in his office without delay. I will let Father Richards know I will be absent this afternoon. See you then."
We hang up the phone and I went back to the waiting room, where I found Jamie still sitting in the same position that I had left him. This struck home again how badly affected the man was. He would not even move to ease his own body. But he did turn his head towards me when I came back in.
"Seems things are getting pretty serious even at the Diocese, doesn´t it?" Jamie suddenly said. Had he heard the conversation?
"I´m sorry, I couldn´t help it, even if I had tried. You stood too close to the door." He released a sigh right after, showing how exhausted he was.
"Jamie, why don´t you go home? I know they will contact you if anything changes. You are running yourself into the ground this way and I am sure Emily would not want to see you this way. And your children wouldn´t either," I said after a second, placing my hand gently on his back.
"I can´t Sandy," the man said, releasing another pain-filled sigh. "Even if I did, I would not get any rest. Whenever I close my eyes, I only see her body lying at the bottom of that waterfall, broken like a rag doll. I only feel my heart stopping inside my chest whenever I remember the deadly fear I experienced when I heard that her heart had stopped and when I thought I had lost her forever. I just… I cannot stop myself. And I am deathly afraid that she will leave me if I am not here Sandy. I know that I need to pull myself together, but at this moment, all I can do is what I am doing right now."
Tears sprang to my eyes as I registered the gut-wrenching pain this man was experiencing. He truly was going through the fires of hell at this moment.
After some minutes I stood up and said goodbye to Jamie.
As I walked out of the room I turned around and saw the poor man returning to the same state he had been in when I had first come in.
My drive to Bishop Carmichael´s office right after lunchtime was filled with a lot of thinking, wondering, and sadness. I had swung by the hospital to see if there had been any changes in Father Gregor´s condition, but there had been none. They were still running test, after test, after test, but there was still no luck. I had also gone to Father Gregor´s room and I had been struck by something. As I had looked upon his weathered face, I had seen that his features had taken on an almost youthful look and he seemed absolutely relaxed, almost glowing, as if he were submerged in the most absolute peace. And I had been with the Father long enough to know that he had always had demons of his own.
Before long, I found myself parked in front of the main building of the Diocese, took my purse, got out, and then walked towards the front desk. I was soon announced to Susie and then I walked up the stairs where Bishop Carmichael´s office was situated.
Susie greeted me not long after and told me that the bishop was running a bit late due to a last-minute and somewhat urgent call, and then she asked me to take a sit. I did so and then took the coffee that Susie offered me.
"Sandy, are you okay?" I found myself startled by Susie´s sudden question. How did I look for her to ask me that in such a concerned tone?
"Why, do I look bad to you?"
"Well, ever since you walked in here, I noticed you have a gloomy expression, and your body language tells me something is going on inside you. If it is not a breach of confidence, do you wish to talk about it?" Susie asks gently, genuinely concerned.
I release a sigh, nurse my coffee cup, and then debate with myself on whether I should confide in her. However, I soon decide I need to. I need to talk to someone about what I am feeling, and Susie and I have been friends long enough for me to know she will never tell anyone if I ask her not to. Besides, my husband is not even here.
"I was at the hospital where Emily Summers is and sat with Jamie Summers for around an hour. Susie, I cannot even begin to tell you how affected I feel after seeing that poor man´s state. He is going through purgatory at this moment, if not hell itself."
I see Susie´s expression hardening at the mention of Emily Summers, and I realize soon that just as I and so many others did before me, Susie was judging Emily and her actions right off the bat without considering the bigger picture. I guess it was just human nature, to judge others and their actions without seeing the background.
"I know what you feel Susie, because I did too," I say to my friend. "But trust me when I say that despite how things may seem right now, we cannot even begin to comprehend the pain, the despair, and the reasons, that drove Emily to that brink. We see the results of what she did now, the pain of her family and friends, and so we immediately condemn her. And I know that attempted suicide is about one of the worst things a human can try. But without going into details, I can tell you that we seldom understand, or even bother to wonder, what drove that person in the first place. I am not saying that what she did was right, but I do think that we need to open up our minds and hearts to the pain of others instead of pointing fingers and assigning judgment."
Susie was just about to say something to me when the door to Bishop Carmichael´s office opened up to reveal the man himself. He called to me, and I left my friend with a smile and a lot of things to think about.
Bishop Carmichael´s office was a spacious room that attested to the man´s passion for reading, organization, efficiency, and also commitment to his calling. I had known him for a very long time, from when he had been a priest to when he had been ordained an auxiliary bishop and then the bishop, and I knew how warm-hearted he was. If there was a man whom I knew would understand what was happening at this time it was him and I trusted him like few other people. That´s why when he had asked me about my take on the situation for both Father Gregor and Emily I had not hesitated. And I had not been let down. He had listened intently, never stopped me, and never tried to correct me.
Right now, I was sitting again in front of this amazing man, and as I looked at his tired face while he gave himself a few seconds by cleaning his glasses and taking deep breaths, I wondered how bad things were for him at this time.
"Sandy, thank you for coming at such short notice. I apologize if I disturbed your afternoon and I thank you for making time to come," the bishop says with a tired voice.
"It is no problem at all Father… sorry, Monsignor Carmichael," I respond, a bit shocked that I had addressed the most important person in the Diocese by his old title. But, as I said, being the man he was, simple to the bone, he raised a hand and asked me to forget his title and call him Father. I couldn´t help but smile.
"You never were much for titles, were you Father?"
"You´ve known me and worked with me long enough Sandy, to know how I hate that," he says looking at me with a smiling face.
"How can I be of assistance to you Father? I am guessing this is connected to the current events?"
"Yes, that is correct. Before anything else is said, have you seen Emily Summers and Father Gregor today?"
"Yes, I first went to the hospital where Emily is, spoke to her husband Jamie, and then went to see Father Gregor. In the first case, it seems Emily´s body is beginning to give out again and in the case of Father Gregor, there are no changes. However, I do need to mention something that called my attention."
The bishop looks at me startled and asks me to continue.
"You and I both know that Father Gregor has a past, a rather somber one and that those events have marked his life as well as his features. You know that he usually looks stern, and his face shows the markings of someone whose demons haunt him constantly. But today, as I went to him, I saw something different Father. His face was completely relaxed, but more than that, there was a glow to him that made me think that something is happening to him that is changing that somber appearance."
I see Bishop Carmichael taking a deep breath, evidently shocked by what I have just revealed. I know it shocks him because he knows that I have never been a person to embellish things.
"Sandy, what I am about to tell you has to be kept in the strictest confidence," the bishop says, looking me in the eyes, his expression very serious. "You know we are having a very hard time keeping things under control and right now everything remains guesswork, but if what I am about to tell you is ever released, we will have a stampede."
"So, it is that serious, Father?" I ask.
"I´m afraid so Sandy. The Vatican has gotten involved to the highest degree. His Holiness himself has been in contact with me already and wants to be kept abreast. He also ordered that anyone I choose to confide in and work with must be someone who is already involved in this and that I know will be prudent. That is you Sandy. I have not included Susie, so please, not a word to her, or to your husband, please."
"Your Eminence, you know full well I will never, ever, betray your confidence."
"I know Sandy, and that is why I called you. While you were waiting outside, I received a call from His Holiness himself and he wanted the latest reports on both Emily and Father Gregor. He has also requested that I make a copy and send him the original journal of Father Gregor. That task I can only assign to you, Sandy, as you know the contents, and like you said, I know you will never betray my confidence. His Holiness has also asked me to make daily reports on anything and everything and to order everyone inside the Diocese to not comment or speculate on what is happening, or approach either Emily´s family or Father Gregor. So yes, the situation has become more serious than I ever thought possible.
"It also seems that from what I have been able to report to the Vatican, they believe there is something of the most mysterious nature. They do believe that there is something supernatural about this and that is why they do not wish to have more people nosing around. I mean, can you imagine if people were to learn that even in the Vatican, they believe that both Emily and Father Gregor are having a supernatural experience?"
I nod and feel a chill going down my spine.
"Father, what exactly do you believe is happening here? Are the two events connected?"
I see the bishop taking a deep breath, and then the stands up to move towards his panoramic windows, his hands behind his back.
"This is just my take on things, Sandy, and we will have to wait and see where my investigation, and that carried out by the Vatican, lead. But from what I gather of Father Gregor´s journal, and after my conversations with Jamie Summers, I think that both events are connected, and I further believe that God Himself is involved."
I feel my breath stopping for a second at the thought. We usually hear about events where angels, saints, and even the Blessed Mother, are involved, but it is a rare occurrence for our Lord, much less the Holy Trinity, to reveal themselves like that. So, hearing Bishop Carmichael confirming what I had read in Father Gregor´s journal was a shock to me. Now I knew why the Vatican was taking this so seriously.
"Sandy, I think that Emily has been living a supernatural experience that is being led by the Holy Trinity, I think she is experiencing the presence of God Himself, and I think this is what Father Gregor found out. And I trust his writings because he has never been one to believe something like this if he is not absolutely certain. I also think that Jamie Summers´s meeting this Abraham person was not fortuitous. I believe that the answer to Jamie´s question, the one he made to Father Gregor, is that Abraham, much to my dismay, is the personification of God the Father. I believe that Abraham – God the Father – intervened that day at that waterfall, that He spared Emily´s life, and that He accompanied Jamie when He knew Jamie would need Him most. I also believe that Father Gregor´s situation is connected to the Holy Trinity and that he did see our Lord in the Adoration chapel when He requested Father Gregor to start writing Emily´s otherworldly experience. Finally, I believe that there was another miracle performed by God when Emily came back to life in the hospital, and without knowing how things will develop, or end, I think that He will sustain her life – for whatever reason – until she is either sent back or is taken by Him.
"Now, as to where Emily is, I could not say as Father Gregor writes that it seems as if she were inside her own mind. However, the doctors say that her brain is almost dead, and what is left is deteriorating at a rapid pace, so I cannot be sure. But to be honest, that is the least important equation here. What matters is that her experience, Sandy, if it is confirmed by the Vatican, will affect many and it will show even more evidence – I would say the clearest so far – of God´s existence."
After Bishop Carmichael finished talking, the two of us stood silent, pondering.
My mind was going a hundred miles a minute and my heart beat really fast at the thought of what this all meant. And for the first time since this whole thing had started, I fully realized why the Church was always so careful with these events.
After some minutes and feeling sure there was nothing more to talk about, I stood from my seat, told the bishop that I would gladly help him with this entire process, took Father Gregor´s journal to copy it and send it to the Vatican, and then took my leave.
Susie looked at me from her desk as I walked by in complete silence, overtaken by my thoughts. She tried to call my attention, probably asking me if I was okay. But I kept walking without saying anything because first, there was nothing I could say, and second because frankly, my brain had been turned into mush after all the revelations I had received. What could I have said?