I grabbed my plate and headed downstairs. When I got to the kitchen Christopher and Alex were still downstairs. I washed off the plate and tried avoiding eye contact.
As I was about to head back to my room Alex came up and stopped me.
"Hey can we talked?"
"Uh, I-" I looked upstairs and remembered Jonathan's words, "-sure."
He looked through the hall to Christopher and up the stairs.
"How about we go outside to talk?"
I looked at Alex after hearing his comment and took a deep breath.
Just go through and make up. He didn't even do anything. Not really anyway.
"That's fine."
He smiled and opened the door ushering me to go first. I walked out and felt the cool spring breeze rush over me. I almost shivered with the combination of what I just realized I was doing.
I was going him prime time to do whatever he wanted to me.
But he wouldn't do that to me, right?
I folded my arms and looked at him as if to give a cue that he could start talking. Our eyes met and he quickly looked away.
"Uh, want to go for a walk?"
I looked around at the dark night with only street lights to guide us.
"I guess."
He smiled and pointed to the direction of the park.
"How about we go there?"
"Sure."
I didn't mind going there. It was a nice place even at night and he just wanted to talk. I needed to give him a chance.
We started walking in that direction only in science. I was about to say something when Alex cleared his throat.
"So how have you been? I mean ever since we started to live with you it seems you've been avoiding us."
He was right in a way.
"How do you know if I haven't been like this before you came?"
"Your mother told us that this wasn't like you."
I looked down. "Of course she did."
Before I knew it we were at my tree. He sat down under it and made a gesture as if to tell me to sit down next to him. I looked at him questionably as I did. He laid down on the grass and looked up at the sky.
"The stars sure are pretty tonight."
I looked at Alex then up at the sky and the stars.
It was a clear sky and the bright stars colored it in their many light shades.
"You're right. They are."
We sat in silence after that. I felt weird sitting next to him just doing nothing.
I could hear him breathing and soon my breath matched his. It was soothing in a way, being in sink with him.
Then he spoke breaking the silence.
"Is there anything between you and Sebastian? And while we're on that subject Jake too."
I felt the air get tense and moved a little away from him only to see him get up and close the distance I just made.
"No, not really. I mean you guys haven't been here long enough for a thing to get between us and even in the time you've been here I haven't."
"So it's really nothing?"
"Yes."
Alex sighed as if a huge weight lifted off his shoulders. "Good."
"Why is that good?" I asked actually confused about this.
Alex looked at me shocked and struggled to answer as a wave of red flushed his cheeks.
I always ignored Jake's voice in my head when I asked or thought about these things but for once I wished I listened to it.
"Hasn't Jake already told you with that big mouth of his? He was the first one to come out to you. We're all connected which means," he got over and on top of me leaning in right to my ear, "I love you."
Now I was the one to blush.
"But why so soon? You don't even know me."
"Then I would love to start to now."
"But I'm no one special. Just an average high school girl living an average life."
"But you're special just the way you are."
Every complement he made was fuel to the fire in me. My cheeks got warmer and redder as time went on. His eyes were calm and sweet with the bit of impatience in them.
It then hit me as if I got out of a trance. He was on top of me and we were locked in each other's eyes. My sudden fear of what could happen must of showed on my face when Alex answered my longing question from the beginning.
"I won't do anything to you, at least for now. There's now telling what my limit is especially with the others. I mean Jake and Sebastian are already ahead of me but I would never want to hurt you. You mean too much to me."
That was my limit. His words made my heart throb and I didn't care about his limit. He broke mine.
A longing grew in my eyes and I knew he saw it.
I wanted him.
No, I couldn't let this happen again.
But it didn't matter, it was too late.
He answered my previous call and leaned over back to my ear.
"Are you sure?"
I didn't answer, I COULDN'T answer.
He laughed a short, subtle laugh.
"I'll be easy on you."
It was opposite of what I expected.
He was soft and gentle but deep enough to show what he really felt.
He didn't go for long like the others did. He was there for a bit and stopped.
"There, no more. I might keep you all night if I don't stop."
I snapped back.
Limits.
I forgot.
Alex got up and looked at the starry night sky once again.
"We should head back."
I was still on the ground as if melted there from what he did. I nodded, or at least I thought so, and tried to get up.
Why did he effect me more? Was it because he was concerned about things?
Limits.
When I got up I was still dizzy and started to topple over when Alex caught me.
"Careful! Are you okay?"
"Uh yeah. Sorry."
"I over did it didn't I?"
"N-no I'm just a little off. Your kiss was different from theirs and the way you limited yourself took a toll on me."
"So they've kissed you? How does that make nothing between you guys?"
I realized the words I said and regretted them.
"They meant nothing to me. They just forced themselves upon me."
"So mine mattered?"
Alex looked at me with longing in his eyes. I couldn't help but look back at him. It took a few moments of silence for me to look away.
"You did ask... but that doesn't mean anything!"
He just smiled back making me feel as though I chose the right answer.
"Let's get back. It's late."
That was all he said and I just nodded my head scared I might say too much with how the situation was already like.
I tried my best to keep up with him as we walked back but I was already too tired and drained from the day. I the end it was a really long and eventful day, especially for a Saturday. Even back then it wasn't this exciting.
Back then...
Was a year really about to come since then?
It was March. March 20th. The day was...
When was the day? Did I honestly not want to remember?
I was too deep in thought to realize I was slowly drifting.
Slipping is the right word.
I started to slip and fall when Alex caught me, again.
"Whoa are you really okay? This is the second time you know."
"Sorry, again. A lots happened today and it really drained my energy."
He looked very concerned about me and seemed to have a question in mind.
"I'm fine really. We're almost to the house anyway."
I looked down the path back to the house. The house seemed forever away and my knees started to feel like jello as I looked at it.
"Forgive me but you leave me no choice."
"Wha-"
Before I knew it Alex picked me up and held me like a bride on the wedding day.
"P-put me down!" I stuttered out shocked from his sudden action but also a little pleased.
"I would've asked you but you're too stubborn. I couldn't let you push yourself."
I was about to yell back at him but I was too tired.
"Fine. But when we get to the house you have to put me down."
He smiled as if he had won and I couldn't help but blush in response.
I imagined if the others saw me like this in his arms. They would be jealous for sure.
Jake would probably confront me that night in my room and seduce me to let him do and say whatever. Sebastian would act fine or distant at first but then find some golden opportunity to do something in public with me as payback.
At least, that's what I think they'd do. In the few days they've been here that's the only side of them I've seen.
As Alex carried me back I clinger onto him loosely so I wouldn't fall but also not give him the wrong idea. He was strong, carrying me like I weighed nothing. He smelled good too. Husky and like the trees in the woods. I could get use to this.
I didn't care to fight my thoughts or feelings. I really did like this. But that didn't mean I liked him. Not necessarily.
I just liked this moment.
Definitely.