Today I sat in a room—where the words 'dr. Ryan Karl' read from the outside . The doctor had warned me not to forget the medicine and rest. Then don't forget to schedule another checkup to make sure my condition is much better than before. I waited for Doctor Karl to finish reading the results of my blood test which was now in his hands. The man nodded.
"For now your condition is much better. The test results are all normal. That means you did what I told you. Eat well, rest and—"
"Take medicine. I know and have done it. So, now that my condition is better, I don't need to get those drugs and multivitamins anymore, do I?" I offered. Doctor Karl adjusted his glasses.
"We hope your illness won't come back. If it happens again, we'll be forced to do another test. I have my suspicions about your condition, but for now I say, we can breathe a sigh of relief."
"Thank God ...." I put my jacket back on, which I had only been carrying. I don't know why I suddenly felt cold. Doctor Karl looked at me probingly.
"You ... are you feeling cold?" asked the man probing, noticing the irregular movement of my body. I nodded as I tightened the jacket that was already attached to my body. The man put on his stethoscope, checked my heart rate and pulse again.
"Oh, please . . . I was just glad I didn't have to take those big meds. Now what?" I complained, that didn't answered by the Doctor immediately. "Doctor Karl, please ... answer me!"
"I can't come to a conclusion on this yet, Jenna. Tell you what, I'll keep prescribing multivitamins, if you think you're feeling down, please take it regularly." The man scribbled his pen on the prescription paper then tore it off and handed it to me. Hesitantly I took a piece of paper from his hand. I got up and was about to leave when the man called my name. I turned around.
"Take care of your health. If it's true as I suspected, there is no medicine that can cure you."
I tried to define the sentence he said, but still for now my brain is not able to compromise. I need a little rest.
Please, not again ... not here ....
***
I purposely didn't tell Clara or Blake. Of the two people, only Clara who kept in touch. She is now acting like my grandmother, forbidding this and that, telling me to eat and consume whatever she thinks can make my condition better.
But where is Blake? Since the last time he came to my house, he never contacted me again. And I can't stop myself from thinking about it. What is wrong with me?
I took a deep breath. I've never felt this way for anyone before. Was it because I subconsciously wished I could be in a relationship with him again? Improve what happened in the past, make it better. Or is it just because I feel lonely? It's been a few days just lying on the bed or sofa. Even just walking into the kitchen was torturing for me.
I looked back at the dark screen. Hit the lock button to take another look and make sure Blake really wasn't texting or calling. And ... nothing.
That's enough ....
I walked unsteadily to class. I don't know how many minutes have passed, I don't care. I still force myself for class even though it's very late.
I knocked on the door three times, then opened it and walked in.
"Sorry, I'm late," I said, languidly, without turning to the man who was standing in front of the class. Keep walking to find an empty seat. Unfortunately, there were no empty seats except for one, located in the front row.
All right, let's just say I'm unlucky. Still with my weak body, I put down the bag then sat down on the seat. Doctor Karl's footsteps came closer and stopped right in front of my bench.
"How is your condition?" the man asked. Even though he tried to hide his worried expression, I could see it clearly.
"Oh come on, Doc. Let's not talk about that now," I whispered. I don't want anyone to hear anything about my recent condition. I find this situation annoying myself. If anyone found out, they would take pity on me and would probably treat me like a princess.
"This is important, Jenna. You still look pale. Why don't you rest at home instead? I can get another pass."
I rolled my eyes silently. What is this? This guy is acting like he's my dad now. I sighed in annoyance.
"Okay then. Meet me in the cafeteria after class." The man turned cold, turned around and returned to the front of the class. While I was trying to restore concentration and focus that was broken because of the man's arrival a few minutes ago.
Not attending class for several days made it difficult for me to understand the Lecturer's explanation. Especially if I have to catch up, somehow. It's impossible to take private classes that held by some of the smartest students in the class. I've lost my enthusiasm for learning because I can't match the abilities of other friends.
I packed my books and other stationery and put them in my bag. After only thirty minutes, the lecture was over. I got up and put on my backpack, then patted my jeans before walking out of class. Doctor Karl had already left the classroom. Maybe he was waiting in the cafeteria right now. What was the man about to say? Why ask me to meet him?
***
The handsome doctor was already sitting pretty in a place, right by the big window when I arrived at the cafeteria. I went to the ordering table, and soon a bowl of meat soup and vegetable salad was served on a tray in front of me, then rushed to the table where he was sitting and sipping his coffee.
I sat directly across from him, facing him, staring intently into the eyes behind the glasses. The gray irises returned my gaze. Without words.
From here I can see the view below which looks small. Passing vehicles, as well as the roofs of buildings whose height was probably in parallel with where we are now. I enjoyed what was presented in front of my eyes, before then turned to the man sitting quietly right in front of me.
"Why ask me to meet in private like this?" I asked, bluntly. He put down the glass.
"You're disrespecting me by talking to me like that." He is now looking at me more intently. If eyes could speak, maybe he would have flooded me with curses by now. He couldn't hide his annoyance, I could read that.
"You also don't protect patient privacy by mentioning my condition in front of other students. Did I say something wrong, Doctor Ryan Karl?"
"You can talk about it later after class."
"Likewise you, can ask my condition in a casual atmosphere like this instead of asking it directly in front of my friends."
I'm still looking into his eyes. I don't want to lose to his mentally intimidating attitude. He then sighed in resignation. Maybe admit that he was wrong and lose.
"I'm sorry. I-I just ... I was worried about your condition," he said then. He admits his mistakes, while I still maintain my ego and don't want to admit that I have made mistakes too.
I don't want to continue any conversation if it ends up spoiling my eating mood. The incident in the class had frankly made me feel uncomfortable and constrained. Doesn't he know that I'm fighting to the death to survive in this place? And it was only because of a common illness that he brought me back to where I was before, being a retarded student compared to others.
He—who did not understand my struggle, just messed it up. I don't need a pass or anything anymore because it just leaves me far behind. What I need is medicine that can make my condition better, and not restrained just because of what disease ... anemia? Diseases that can be simply cured with just a multivitamin.
Seriously ....
I immediately ate the food I ordered without much to say. It seems that's what Doctor Karl also did. He took his glass then got up and left without saying a word. I let his body away, while I remain in my position now. Didn't even turn to look at him.
***