I kissed Zadia and I enjoyed it!
Before I can revel anymore in the possible consequences of my actions the elevator dings and Alana walks out.
"Blake", my name falls effortlessly from her lips.
Conner shoots me a pointed glare. I think he's always known that Alana and I had feelings that run a little deeper than friendship. I also know he doesn't like Zadia.
"Hello Alana", Zadia answers for me as I am still basically dumbfounded.
I'd kissed Alana on the weekend and since then I've left her at my mother's place I haven't talked to her, now here I am kissing someone else. Can I possibly sink any lower?
Alana disregards Zadia completely and her gaze morphs into a glare as she stares at me, "So this is what we're doing now?", she asks. There is no trace of anger in her voice just disappointment and defeat.
It broke my heart because I did that to her I wanted to shake my head and tell her no, to never feel that way. I wanted to take her in my arms and hug her till all her insecurities were gone but before I could do anything Zadia's tiny arm patted my hand and she gave as small sad yet knowing smile.
"I'll give you some time to talk to your friends. I'm going to go and wait in the car".
I nodded as she left. I had honestly expected Zadia to flip out and be a bit abrasive towards Alana considering that the two were like oil and water.
"I'm gonna go back to my room I'll see you two later", Conner leaves quickly without waiting for our replies.
Once he's out of sight I slowly look back at the slightly pissed off five-foot four brunette.
"I thought we were better than this", she says staring me dead in the eye, "I found out on the television. When were you going to tell me Blake?".
The expression on her face made me sick to my stomach I could barely muster up the words. What should I say to her now?
What could I say to her.
Nothing could justify what went down between us. Maybe it's not too late for us to stay friends. If it's even that.
"You knew I was engaged Alana", is the stupid justification I come up with, "I signed a contract. I can't back out of it, I have to marry Zadia, whether I want to or not".
Her eyes widened in outrage, "Don't you dare try to sound like you're the victim here Blake Bennett", her voice went up an octave, "you knew I had feelings for you and you used me. You shouldn't play with people's feelings like that".
I'm in front of her in seconds. My hands cupping her cheeks as I bring our faces closer so that I am looking her right into the eyes.
"Never say that!", I demanded. "You are my best friend Alana and I would never willingly hurt you. I thought I could defy my mother and get out of the contract but I can't, it's too late now. There's nothing I can do!".
Her eyes flash. An inferno burning deep within her blue orbs.
"Is that the only reason though?", she asks ripping her face away from my embrace, "no one is really forcing you to do this Blake. Tell me the truth for once, do you have feelings for her?".
Her words hit me harder than a ton of bricks and I took a step back when I realized.. I couldn't answer that without hurting her.
I couldn't admit that because then I'd be lying.
She shook her head at me before she left me standing completely dumbfounded just as when she'd walked out of the elevator.
**************
"Are you okay?", Zadia asks when we are back at her apartment later that evening.
My eyes snap I her direction and I muster up a small smile just for her sake. Something is unsettling in her eyes though, it's as if she can see right through me.
Zadia takes a seat beside me on the couch and I look over at her. She seems serious and I can tell that I'm only seconds away from having a conversation I want nothing to do with.
"It's her isn't it? Alana". Zadia says rather than asks.
She knows she's right and when she begins to nod slowly I know that my silence is only confirmation for her.
"I won't ask you if you're in love with her?", she says, "but if you do love her Blake then I won't force you to give that up for me".
Immediately, I am turning on the couch to face her. Had I heard her right.
Once my eyes land on her though I notice the glassy look in her eyes. She was on the verge of crying.
Since she'd been back I probably seen her on the verge of tears once but never this vulnerable.
"Look Blake", she completely faces me. "I never stopped loving you, what we had was real. Yes I did agree to work with your mother but only because she told me about your father's-".
She immediately cuts herself off and clams a hand over her mouth.
Wait what?
"What did you just say?". I shot out of my seat.
She dropped her head in her hands and sighed loudly, "I'm not supposed to tell you, it's not my secret to tell".
I stood up fully now in front of her and held her shoulder pulling her up to stand up as well.
"Za, if you know something about my father you have to tell me", I pleaded.
She sighed again, "Are you sure you want to know Blake because it has to do with your father's death".
What?
My brows creased in confusion. I didn't understand.
"My dad died from cancer. He was sick for years".
She eyes wandered to the left as if in hesitation about what she'd say next, until she takes a deep breath and looks back at me.
"Blake your father was murdered".