Birthdays aren't usually something I look forward to. I always found that there were always too many expectations placed on people to give the perfect gift or plan the perfect party. All of this, though, was bearable. Being the recipient of the planning and gifts, however, was a totally different story.
Twenty years ago, I was born. And no matter how many birthdays I've had, they've never gone the way that dreamy wonderful birthdays should. Whether it was filled with fights and screams or I spent the day in my room crying, I always felt the same. Alone.
As a result, I never allowed myself to expect a day full of celebrations or people around a birthday cake singing a song. I never told anyone about it, so that made things easier. William only found out as a product of his deliberate manipulation, which led me to unintentionally giving him my birth details.
I always felt a heavy absence that carried behind me like a ball and chain tied to my feet. And as I walked, that ball became bigger when I learned that Aiden was not coming at all. He hadn't called. He hadn't texted. He just left.
Will was even angrier than me about it, cursing him in all the flavors and colors.
I didn't understand why Aiden suddenly disappeared. One moment we were in my apartment where I sat at my desk and listened to my music through headphones, and he was on my bed, reading one of my books. All afternoon we hadn't said a word due to the obligations of my studies until he crawled to the edge of my bed and asked what I was listening to. I knew he had been curious by the way I caught his eyes on me multiple times, but I didn't think he'd want me to play the song for him considering it was one of his conditions.
He insisted, and so I pulled out the cord connected to my laptop and hit the play button, watching as his warm smile faded to the notes of the piano strumming in the air.
The white surrounding the beautiful calm of grey in his eyes turned red and shiny, bouncing off the walls fervently. His muscles contracted under his shirt, defining the stress with the tanned shades of his skin. In mere seconds, he was making excuses and leaving. I went after him, asking him what was wrong and what I had done, and still, he continued to storm out of my apartment and drive off in his car.
Every time I called, I received his voice mail. Every time I sent a text, I received silence and the infuriating word 'delivered'.
I spent the entirety of the following day just trying to reach him through his friends, worrying if he was okay and stressing about the horrible thing that I must have done for him to leave as such.
I didn't even realize it was my birthday until I got an incoming call from my mother and Mark, shrieking a happy birthday. I still hadn't told her about Aiden and me, but it was definitely the wrong time to do that now, so I was going to wait until the man I had begun a relationship with wasn't missing.
My father and Kate also called in the late afternoon. My father put Gabe on the phone and he read me another poem that he had been working on for weeks, which turned out even better than the last one he made.
Kate notified me that Arthur and James also wished me a happy birthday. She brought up Aiden, asking about everything that happened after we left the library the other day, but I made up some excuse and ended the call after thanking them all for their best wishes.
Will faced me with a noticeable frown he didn't bother hiding.
My worry and stress eventually dissipated and formed into a thick frustration in my chest that knotted at the pit of my stomach.
Will helped take the feeling away for a while. He stayed and watched some of my favorite movies. He even got me the book I mentioned weeks ago as a present, along with a bookmark that didn't only save the page, but also the exact line I left on.
We were both on the couch finishing up our last movie for the night. As the credits rolled in the background, Will stood up and gathered his things. He repeatedly asked if I needed any help cleaning, but I always gave him the same stubborn response.
I hugged him goodbye from the door, thanking him for one of the better birthdays I've had in a really long time. I followed him with my eyes as he got into the car, his headlights disappeared at the corner of the slim street.
I headed back to the kitchen to clean up, walking by my phone, hoping that by now there would be at least some sort of message from Aiden. Anything to indicate he was coming back or that he was okay.
There wasn't.
It mustn't have been longer than ten minutes after Will left that there was a stiff knock at my door. Thinking it was him who forgot something, I twisted the lock and pulled the thing open.
"Did you forget something?" I looked up, expecting to see him standing there with a look on his face that suggested my speculations were true, however, that was not the case.
"Hi," Aiden said softly.
I didn't hesitate to slam the door in his face.
"Alright, I probably deserved that. But please, open the door." He pleaded. "I have something for you."
"Go away." I groaned and went back to the kitchen to resume my cleaning, ignoring him.
"You know I'm not going to do that."
"Do I?" I said sarcastically. "I wouldn't jump to conclusions."
"I will break through this door if I have to, Emma!" He hissed.
"No, you won't," I ordered.
"I don't understand what's happening!"
"Oh, what part do you not understand? The one where you left for two days without notice or the one where you made me feel miserable?" I shouted in his direction.
"What?" He stammered. "Emma, I didn't- I didn't think you'd care if I left."
I scoffed, standing behind the only barrier between us.
"You didn't think I would care?" I echoed his words in a whisper. "You didn't think I would sit by my window waiting like an idiot for your obnoxious car to park in the street? You didn't think I would care that I would miss you? That I would worry about you?" I slumped, "I don't understand what I did that was so horrible and wrong, Aiden!"
"Please, can we talk about this inside? Let me explain."
Again, I didn't say anything and resumed my task.
A few moments passed and a sigh rumbled through the wood.
"You did nothing wrong," He muttered. "Listen to me. This is my fault, I know that, okay? Please, just open the door."
I knew it was cold in the hallway this time of night. I used that to my advantage.
"This is not happening..." He omitted, his loud boots pacing in front of my apartment until he finally caved in to my silence. "It was supposed to be a surprise." He explained, "One of the reasons I left was because I knew it was your birthday, and I wanted to get you something... special. I didn't intend on leaving for two days. But the reason I left was for you."
I gnawed at my cheeks. "You didn't call. You didn't text. Nothing."
"If you opened the door I could show you that my phone ran out of battery!" He was exasperated, rambling. "I know it's an excuse. I could have bought a charger or found another phone, but I honestly didn't think you'd mind! No ever does, so I didn't think you would be different! And yes, I am fully aware that it makes me an idiot, or a moron, or an imbecile, or whatever you want to call me!"
I fumbled with my hands, putting away the last set of mugs in the cupboard. "You said one of the reasons you left. What was the other reason?"
He didn't answer straight away, but when did, his tone was much lower and his voice came out weak, filled with the burden.
"Emma, I can't answer that." He admitted.
"Do not break the one condition I have, Aiden," I said forcefully.
"I am not lying to you." He insisted. "There are no half-truths or misconceptions. There is just me, apologizing to a door... I'm so sorry I left. I don't know what else to tell you." I felt a gentle thud on the door as if he leaned against it. "Please tell me I haven't lost what little trust you have in me..."
My hand neared the steel handle of the door and stayed there, no yet doing anything.
"Aiden, I want this to work and I don't know if that makes me a genuine idiot or just a fool, but I don't know how to forgive you."
"You just have to open the door, Emma." He pleaded. "Please, I'm freezing parts of my body that I'd rather keep."
I twisted the handle and pulled it open slowly, instantly covered in goosebumps.
"You're a moron," I told him.
Aiden leaned against the hallway wall clutching his hands around his shivering torso. Clearly, the jumper he was wearing was not enough coverage to keep warm from winter night.
"But I'm your moron." He replied.
His messy hair was pushed back by hand with black-and-blue knuckles. I froze as I examined him further. Navigating from the purple bruise on his right eye to the blood running from his nose down to his swollen, busted lip.
Whatever anger or frustration I held onto before was gone, and the worry clouded over my head like a typhoon intruding on my every thought and instinct.
"Oh, my God. What happened to you?" My hands reached for his face, then stopped and retracted to my side.
"I'm okay." He attempted a smile but it broke. "Can I come in, now?"
I nodded quickly, watching him as he subtly limped inside with his hands filled with a wrapped box, and a large bouquet of pink and white roses surrounded with vibrant green leaves and pearly white daisies.
He shifted his gaze from my eyes to my lips before getting a delicate hold of me. His free hand wandered down my back as he kissed me with a smile, a low hum resonating through me. Warmth spread through my body, flooding the bumps that laced my skin.
"I didn't realize how much I wanted to do that..." His bright eyes landed on mine, soft and calm. "Happy birthday, Emma."
"Thank you." I smiled, kissing him again briefly. "I still don't forgive you, though."
"I know." He grinned and gestured to the box where it was compressed between his arm and his ribs. "Can I show you my gifts now?"
"Not yet," I said, and walked to the bathroom.
He frowned, wrapping his arms around himself. "Why not?"
I opened one of the cabinets under the sink and took out the first-aid box I had placed there when I first moved in.
"I am a little more concerned about the bruises and blood on your face than a few gifts."
"You're more worried about a few scratches on me than your birthday gifts?" He spoke louder, chuckling, and added, "Well. I am a gift, so I guess that counts, too."
"I think you took too many blows to the head." I laughed and carried the box with a red cross over to the kitchen, forcing him to sit down despite his attempts to convince me he was fine.
He slumped his shoulders and stroked the stubble on his chin.
"I'm glad my pain amuses you, by the way."
"Amuse?" I shook my head. "More like entertainment."
I opened the container, taking out cotton balls, rubbing alcohol, and placing them all on the counter in front of him.
I took another look at his injuries and winced myself. "You look like you got hit by a brick."
"You should see the other guy..." He dazzled me with an enigmatic grin and wiggled his brows.