Like every day it was time for me to have breakfast with Nasya in her room. She had made it mandatory that we would eat together every morning before she left for lecture, this way she would know how I spend the whole day without her.
A simple way to keep me under control and to look good as she wants to spend time with me. When I'm with her I never feel calm, I don't know what goes through her mind even though I know her as a character through the novel.
"Little Rapha, did you feel lonely locked in the room all day? I allowed you to go out if you wanted, no one would stop you."
Even now she is not honest. If she was really worried that I didn't go out, it would say 'I allowed you', in this way she wants to simply show the control she has over everything around me, and I'm included.
"I didn't feel very well these days, maybe today I will take a walk as long as the maids you have assigned to me would want the same."
"Maids?! Oh, yes Annie and Amira, how have they looked so far, I hope they have not bothered you with empty words and gossip."
Hmm, they both look worried, especially Annie who talks more than both of them. I don't remember the maids being so afraid of Nasya, but what can I say something has changed, from the beginning I shouldn't have been here.
"In fact, it's the opposite, they keep me company while I read, none of them talk without my order."
"Hmm, it looks like they did a good job of not bothering you. If something happens, come to me you know my door is always open for you!"
"… Yes I know, thank you!"
Don't worry I will never come to you for help. I don't want to have anything to do with you.
"Lady Corttes is the time to go to the lecture."
"Oh, I almost forgot, thank you Giselle I'm going now."
Isn't it a little too early to go?
"Then little Rapha I will leave now, you can continue to eat if you want."
"It's okay I'm leaving too."
"Oh my, you don't have to."
It will not be good for me to stay alone in Nasya's room, what will happen if someone takes something from her jewelry box or something she loved and the doubts fall on me?
I know that no one here likes me and the treatment I am receiving, anyone can use such an opportunity to vent their anger on me.
"I don't want to keep you here, otherwise you will be late for your lecture, I just wanted to ask you about something."
"Mm, what is it?"
"Can I go to the garden in front of my room? You told me I could go outside if I wanted to, but I think I should have asked you in advance."
"..?!"
Of course, I can go out without asking her at all, as long as I am given the right to go out as I wish, but if I use this method she will know the strength she has and will think as if I am still under her influence even though she has given me some freedom.
"Of course!! You can go there as many times as you want, you don't have to take permission from me, just don't cause problems for employees and you will be fine."
"Thank you!"
It seems like my request was out of the blue because everyone in the room didn't expect me to ask Nasya something. Giselle and her friend didn't seem pleased at all with what I did.
What it is Giselle, you look surprised, did you think I was just a mindless girl? But for me it doesn't matter what you think, it mattered that my maids were satisfied with the result. And I myself need some light in this dark place.
"My lady you will finally go out, but why the flower garden of all places?"
"I like flowers and that garden is an abomination, the gardener doesn't seem to have done his job, at least if I go there I can do something to bring it back to normal."
"Heh abomination?!, but why do I think it's beautiful as it is, there are different flowers everywhere."
Of course, the one who decorated it thought the same thing, that it would be better to have flowers of different types everywhere you see, but after some of the flowers lose their beauty and fade, others will be still flowery and will spoil the whole look.
Since I will live here from now on at least I have to do something to make my stay here more enjoyable, I don't want to see her in that condition because she really breaks my heart and hurts me when I remember my fiancé who liked flowers. If I can't do something for them, I don't know how I can look out of the window the same way.
"Listen to me she isn't beautiful, and I can't even put the word beautiful in the same sentence with that thing."
"But my lady…"
"Sshhh Annie don't spoil the moment, the lady came out after a long time locked inside, we can let her do what she wants for once."
"All right!"
How long have I been out in the fresh air? It looks like a long time has passed. Before I could feel everything when I walked across the streets, the wet grass of the hill that I escaped for the first time, the stones of the village streets, I could feel the cold that engulfed my whole being.
Now it looks like I'm back to normal, I have a new dress and shoes, maids who follow my every move and serve me everything I need, I'm really living a life of luxury, but I still don't feel comfortable.
In my previous life, I had the same things, I can't say that we were a super-rich family but we were not poor either. We had our company where my father had given his whole life to build it, I and my fiancé helped him by working in it as his personal secretaries, in a way we gave him our support every day, in any kind of way. And in this way, we had a life full of happiness.
I could win them myself and create everything with my own hands and effort. This way it was easier for me to enjoy every moment and be proud of my achievements, while here I feel empty, an insect that lives on the other's back. Darkness that covers your soul and mind, making it impossible to see what is right and what is wrong.
I have become that kind of person!
Haha and the funniest thing is that here I am not even considered as a human being. I can say that I am turning day after day into a monster, that everyone wants me to be. A dark and painful life, filled with loneliness and hatred, an ideal life for a Rapha.
Every step I take towards the garden the more my heart beats, everything is gradually disappearing. Suddenly I find myself in a dark pond with no one around, my legs are not moving normally I feel like something is catching me from below and it not letting me go. It is becoming harder to maintain balance and my legs remain in place.
What is this black thing? Why is it so sticky? Let me go!
The level was gradually rising, it was now at my waist, I was sucking little by little from the darkness.
'Come to me dear, I swear that from this moment you will not be alone anymore, come with me!'
So this is where I die? In the middle of the darkness in a place where I don't know if someone will cry for me after I leave and with someone else who whispers in my ear things that I don't understand? A cruel life without happiness, what is its value? It is better to give up now and get rid of my suffering.
"Miss, why are you standing still without moving?"
"Are you okay miss?"
Am I back to reality? But it seemed very real… haa it one of the games of my mind again? I don't think that I will ever find peace with my mind.
"It's nothing. I was just thinking about something nothing more."
"We were worried we thought you didn't feel well, because it's the first day that you come out after so long."
"Mhm, mhm."
Of course, my behavior was strange, so I don't blame them for being worried. But that...was that just an illusion?
"It's nothing let's continue"
"As you wish!"
'Our meeting was short, I will see you again soon I promise, until then goodbye my little Lycoris!'
Huh, that voice?! As I thought, it wasn't an illusion.