Chapter 203 - 102: An old fear

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'Agh, what a headache'.

I got out of bed with a terrible migraine, probably because of how badly I slept last night due to the nightmares.

First, I had a dream that Sebastian's headless body lay at their feet while Garnuk brutally murdered Lilian by striking her in the chest with the orc's axe.

Then came the image of Joaquin being endlessly riddled by orc rifle bullets as he ran in a lone charge against the city of Krag-an.

But the last nightmare was the worst, for in the two previous ones, I could neither say nor do anything. I could only watch, as if from behind glass, until panic or fury woke me from the horror. However, in the last one, an old fear reemerged in my mind as a result of the things I had to witness.

In it, I watched from above a cage in which stood Deirdre, unarmed and dressed in rags, facing various monsters before a crowd of orcs who watched with amusement at the spectacle.

The worst part of this nightmare is that every time I screamed as I watched the monsters slowly mutilate the little therian's body, the words that Agustin said to me so long ago came out of my mouth. 'You are cursed'.

And in the latter case, though the nightmare was the longest-lasting of all, I could not wake up until I saw Deirdre's dismembered body fall to the ground in a pool of blood as the monsters feasted on her flesh.

After that nightmare, I awoke trembling with fear and did not try to sleep again, for fear of the new scenes my mind might prepare for me in my sleep.

Azur tried to comfort me as he noticed my emotions, but nothing he did could calm me.

So I just lay there, stroking the little dragon's head, and tried not to sleep.

As soon as I saw the sun peeking through the window, I set about collecting and signing the pending documents, which I had sent flying in all directions yesterday out of my anger, to try to keep my mind occupied.

The problem was that, since there weren't many left, in half an hour I was again without anything to do.

Now, after finishing my work, I went back to bed, trying to keep my mind blank.

Ironically, now that I'm finally free, I don't want to leave my room....

Because that would mean talking to people.

And, after my last nightmare, I'm not sure if that's a good idea.

"First it was my parents, then Ragnar and Joseph, and now Joaquin? Who will be next? Julia, Mia, Lilian, Deirdre?"

With that last name, a pure terror comes over me as I remember the things I observed in my nightmare. Suddenly, I feel the need to go far away.

Away from everyone.

But, at that moment, I feel how Azur evokes the memory of Regis and the words the old vampire said to me in his lair, what seems like an eternity ago. Whereupon, little by little, I calmed down again "Sorry for my moment of weakness, mate. You're right, thank you."

'But... What if Regis is wrong? Since talking to Regis, I've seen a lot of different people with singularities doing things that defy the common sense of magic. How to inspire certain emotions with music, for example. That alone has served to make me realize that it's impossible to be sure of anything when it comes to singularities. But the truth is, if I'm cursed, it doesn't make much sense that the negative effect affects people at such a distance.... That's certainly a constant in what I've seen so far. All magic has a limited range. And both Ragnar and Joaquin were really far away from me when they died.... Besides, it would be strange if my supposed curse was the only thing not reflected in my interface.'

At the mental image of Joaquin's corpse, a product of my nightmares, sadness slowly invades me, and I close my eyes as I notice that tears threaten to come out again while I cover my face with the back of my right arm.

Azur, seeing me, begins to rub his snout against my arm, not understanding how to cheer me up but evidently concerned about my dark mood.

Suddenly, the memory of Joaquin's words to me when I was unsettled by the death of my parents echoed in my head from a very, very distant past. Reminding me that it does no good to fall apart because of grief and that it is necessary to think that our loved ones would not like to see us cry for them.

So, trying to distract myself from letting grief and my worries overcome me, as happened last night, I started practicing the spells mana bomb and mana-piercing bullet. Since they are two of the most useful magics I have, and yet they are still not at their maximum level.

...

Later, Lilian came by to pick up the papers and informed me that today there would be several celebrations to present the new administration of the city to the important people of the city.

Celebrations that would also include the funerals of Joaquin and the fallen soldiers of both sides.

She told me that I was supposed to attend these events as the new leader of the city, but that she understood if I didn't feel like going. She also told me that in the afternoon she would go with Deirdre to Charity's house, as her family is one of the largest artisan families in the empire and wanted to establish certain trade agreements between the blacksmith's family and our Kingdom.

She invited me to go with them, but I refused everything as politely as I could, since the memory of my actions against her yesterday still weighs on my conscience.

Besides, I am not in the mood now to talk to people I don't know, and I don't see any point in attending a funeral to see only an empty shell.

When a person dies, it is the end. What's left is a mere physical memory that only serves to further highlight the void that person left behind.

And I don't like the idea of the celebrations either, since I don't like parties with lots of people.

The very lively atmosphere reminds me of another time in my life. When I still lived in my family's tavern, everything was much simpler, and my parents were still alive.

For that very reason, I did not attend or take the slightest interest in the celebrations that took place in the city of Liones after the battle of the beach.

'No, it is better not to test yet what little emotional stability I have managed to muster. For now, I'd rather stay in my room, practicing magic.'

Through the link, I notice that Azur is very upset about my decision not to go with Deirdre, but still, the little dragon remains by my side.

...

As evening falls, someone knocks on my door and, after my confirmation, steps inside my room.

It is Gell. I already figured it would be him since Lilian has always come in without bothering to let me know, and she is now supposed to be with Deirdre at Charity's house.

"Hello..." says Gell, hesitantly, as he sees me lying on the bed in my room with several mana bombs hovering over me. "I understand you're not having a good time, and Lilian Estella didn't want us to bother you... but I need to ask you a favor."

"What do you need?" I ask cautiously, partly grateful for the distraction from my monotonous training but reluctant at the idea of leaving my room.

"Well..." says Gell, gazing bemusedly at the mana bombs, which I'm now trading for mana-piercing bullets "I'd like you to accompany me to talk to my father. The truth is that various rumors have been circulating among the people of the city that incite them to rebel against us. We think that… we could get rid of these rumors if my father.... how do you do that?" He asks, unable to contain his curiosity any longer.

"What do you mean?" I answer with another question, not understanding what he is referring to.

"That... Using magic so efficiently when you're such a strong warrior," Gell says, pointing to the mana bullets, which begin to spin in circles above me.

"Ahh. I don't know... Why should being good at one thing preclude performing the other?" I ask, quickly losing interest.

"No..." Gell looks like he wants to say something but remains thoughtful "So.... Ahem. As I was saying, I would appreciate it if you would accompany me to talk to my father about certain issues. We've been trying to get him to cooperate with us, but the old man keeps saying he'll only take orders from the one who defeated him."

"Ahh. Okay." I say, standing up, as I understand that this is necessary to prevent a situation similar to Joaquin's from happening again "Is the place where Garnuk is currently located very far away?"

"No, he is in this very building. This was his home after all..." says Gell, who seems confused by my question "Actually, you are here as a privilege for beating him, but that doesn't mean he has to move out."

"Ahh. Well... I'll follow you. I have no idea about the structure of this place, thanks to being stuck here all this time signing things," I say, looking at Gell expectantly.

"Yeah, sorry about that. But it was kind of necessary. Come on," says Gell, who has the decency to look embarrassed.