"Master"
I hold unto the wall as I keep letting out everything and possibly the only thing in my stomach as I keep lurching.
Byul is holding me as I do so, his hand constantly rubbing circles around my back as I lurch one more time before I weakly hold him.
I pant, my body begging me to fall down, rest, sleep maybe.
But I don't want to.
"Are you okay?"
I'm about to nod and say yes, that everything is out now, but I feel a liquid trickle down my nose to my lips that I brush my thumb on my nose and feel it.
My heart already races at what it is before I see it and I snap "Byul, turn"
"Master..."
"Now!"
He does so, still holding me as I stand straight now, using the sleeves of my robe to clean it off before I sigh "You can turn now"
He does so, staring at me "What happened?"
I chuckle "I looked ugly, I had to arrange myself a little"
His face changes "You never look ugly"
I sigh, resting on him now because my body was slowly giving out "You always say nice things to me"
He holds me "Master? Would you like to return to your chambers?"
"No... It's ever so lonely there... And I can't touch you there, can I? Chan Yeol would be angry"
He tenses under me as I wrap my arms around his neck, my head on his body "Please, can we sit? Standing is taking all the energy out of me"
I'm in his arms in a flash, me burying my face into his chest as I feel weaker by the second, wondering what exactly is happening as he sits on the floor with me on his laps.
He says nothing, presumably just looking at me but my eyes are closed because keeping them awake feels so hard now "I don't hate Chan Yeol"
"You don't hate anything"
"I hate it when people are mean" I say quietly "I hate mean people.... But I... I don't hate him. Im not sure why. If it's because I'm so desperate to be loved, even if this same people that claim to love me keep... Hurting me. I don't know what to do Byul... All I know is that it hurts"
"Master"
I slowly open my eyes, letting a weak smile show "You.. haven't hurt me yet"
"And I will not" He says.
I sigh "Don't make promises you can't keep. You might in the end, but I will forgive you... I can't hate you either Byul, no matter what you do"
His eyes dim there as I reach out and touch his face.
He leans into the touch, holding my hands as he whispers to me "You are cold"
"I'm sick Byul"
He stares at me there, as if he doesn't know what to say, as if I just spoke a language he could not possibly fathom or understand "The doctor must have given me something to take while I was unconscious and that's what's weakening me, but I am sick"
"No. You're not"
"Byul...."
"You should not talk so negatively Master" He says "You will get well. You will get better. We will wait till...."
"I'm tired"
He pauses as I let out another sigh, my hand dropping back on my body as I say "Can I tell you a secret?"
He nods.
"I am not really Kim Min Ho"
He stares again, questionably, possibly wondering if it is the medicine that is making me behave like this as I say "My real name is Park Hoseon Woo. I am an orphan that had only my grand father who was always sick, because he was all I had left, I worked hard, I made working and taking care of him my entire life. I did not have friends and I did not have a girlfriend, or a boyfriend. I devoted everything I had for him, and then he died and life became meaningless. I suppose i should have found a way to keep myself going but somehow, I reincarnated as Kim Min Ho, who everyone hates and everyone wants to hurt"
I pause there as he is still looking at me before I say "I know that it's far fetched and I can reassure you that it is not the fever, and if you don't believe me..."
"I believe you"
His voice is small as he sighs quietly "It is hard to accept, but I do. It makes sense too. I heard rumours about how Kim Min Ho is. He is vain and proud and everything evil, but when I met you, I could see that there was no ounce of wickedness in you. I have seen enough of it to recognize and all I see in you is purity... That's why I.. I kept wondering if they had lied or not. Everything about you was like a mystery... So you, saying this, does not seem so far fetched"
I slowly smile, chuckling "It's funny"
"What is?"
"That you notice and the others don't" I say "Tae Hyun thinks I am suffering from memory loss and Chan Yeol thinks I am somehow manipulating him.... I'm not sure how I feel about this. How I SHOULD feel, because I do not really own this life, it belongs to Kim Min Ho... But is it so bad that I want to belong in it?"
"It is not"
I laugh, my head now pounding as he holds my hand "You're freezing"
"It's cold"
I curl more into him "I want Chan Yeol to love me"
"Master"
"I have never been loved... By anyone except my Hal abeoji... I have so much of it to give... I don't know what I'm doing. Everything is scary. Everything is so scary... And I'm somehow pregnant, i don't know how. Tae Hyun... I don't know why he did what he did, I don't know why Chan Yeol is hurting me. I don't know why pink hair wants to kill me. Everything is so scary"
"It is okay Min Ho"
He holds me tighter pushing me to his body as I let out a laugh "You...You called my n-name"
"You're shivering! Wait, I'd..."
"Byul..."
And that's when I give into the darkness.