I poured myself a large drink before taking a seat on my bed. Seeing the man you're in love with hurt like that is hard. Yeah! I can't believe it sometimes either. I've been in love with Nate for years but I know he'll never feel the same way about me.
We met in college when my best friend Matt and his best friend Mia started dating. However, I'd seen him around before that. I always thought he was good-looking in that geeky kind of way, just my type. Unfortunately, he always seemed too unapproachable.
When our friends started dating I saw it as my chance to get to know him, see if he was dating anyone or even into guys and then ask him out if he was. However, our first meeting … well, it could have been better let's put it that way.
---
Matt and I were driving to a small restaurant to meet his new girlfriend and her best friend. This was going to be the first time I'd met either of them. He'd been talking to me nonstop about his new girlfriend and though I was excited to meet her, I was more excited to meet her friend.
Nate Li.
I'm not attracted to guys often. I'm bi, but, I've always leaned more towards women. Mainly because my family are old-fashioned and very homophobic. I learned quickly to hide that preference. Especially, when my cousin came out as gay and was pretty much blacklisted.
However, I've dated a few guys but nothing ever stuck, but since seeing Nate, no guy or girl had ever come close. I hoped tonight would be my chance to get to know him more.
Matt and I were studying business and Nate and Mia were studying some type of advanced mathematics that I had no clue about. Matt had said that they both wanted to become professors or something.
I loved that he was intelligent and wanted to teach others. Many of my fantasies involve me playing a naughty schoolboy, and having to face my professor's punishment.
At the restaurant, we were the first to arrive. Matt went in ahead of me whilst I took a call. It was my latest ex-girl, only she wasn't taking the ex part well.
"Look, I told you it's over so quit bugging me!" I told her with a sigh.
When we first started dating she was hot and a little slutty so we got on great. However, I knew it wouldn't be anything other than a few rolls in the sack. She was only interested in me for my family's money. I'd only met up with her because she was hot. She thought she could play me.
"How many times do I need to tell you? We are done, finished, kaput however you want to say it. I told you not to call me again."
My back was to the entrance and car park, which was probably my first mistake.
"Not that it's any of your business, but I'm not sleeping with another woman … I'm sleeping with a man."
The stutter and gasp she made, had me smirking. I could imagine her shocked face and wide eyes.
"Yeah, you heard right, a man."
I paused when she started laughing.
"You think I'm joking? When do I joke about sex?" I asked her and her laughter instantly stopped. "He's sexy and hot, his dick in my mouth feels fucking great as well as mine inside his. When I slide my cock into his tight hole it feels one thousand times better than when I was stupid enough to slide it into you."
I turned around then and stopped short. Nate Li, THE Nate Li, was standing watching me. His face held a permanent scowl and his eyes glared at me in disgust. That was my second mistake.
"I'm hanging up now, don't call me again," I told her quickly before ending the call.
As I walked up to him to say hi, he walked off inside the restaurant. I knew I'd fucked up.
"Shit!" I called out.
Matt, Mia and Nate sat at the table waiting for me. Mia introduced Nate to us and Matt introduced me. Nate never met my eyes.
All night he only talked to Matt or Mia, never to me. By the end of the night, even clueless Matt noticed as he came with me to the bathroom.
"Dude! Nate seemed pissed at you. Have you fucked him before?" he asked.
"No, this is the first time we've met. He overheard me talking to Margot. I may have been a bit more vulgar in my words than I needed to be, but fuck she wasn't taking the hint," I groaned.
"I talked about being with a guy, and having a guy's dick in my mouth as well as having my dick in his ass being better than being in her," I told him.
"Fuck, dude! You may have screwed up big time. From what little I know about him from Mia, he hates players and that made you sound like the worst kind."
"Are there good ones?" I joked to try and hide my misery.
"True! How are you going to fix this? We will see him a lot and I don't want it to be tense. Mia has already said that if Nate is uncomfortable around me or my friends then we are done. She has told me that her friend will always come first and if I have a problem with that I can fuck off."
"Wow! Is she overprotective or what?" I chuckled nervously.
"There's some history, she won't tell me but when she mentions her past she gets this strange look in her eyes. I think it's more to do with Nate but I'm not sure," he explained as we walked out.
---
Ever since that fateful night, I've tried my best to be nice to him. I even tried to explain the phone call. He just said it was fine and none of his business.
After that, every time we saw each other he would talk with me but with the least amount of words possible per sentence. After a while, I got annoyed at his attitude. He judged me before knowing me. That was my third mistake.
Even though I'd been pissed off at him it didn't stop the multitude of erotic dreams I had, starring him and only him. The only part that changed was instead of smiling in my dreams as I fucked him, he scowled or glared. I would wake up harder than ever.
So, to get his face like that I would do little things to piss him off. That was the fourth and final mistake that sealed my coffin. I would parade around with different girls every other week or I would flirt or tease him.
After college, Mia and Matt got engaged. Mia and Nate continued studying and eventually became maths professors at the University of New Orleans. It was the one we had all attended. Matt and I opened a club together. Well, he says he works for me since I technically own it but we did it together so it's ours.
Mia would bring Nate every so often and I would do my best to get him to look at me. However, thanks to my earlier stupidity it never worked.
It was after college on a beach trip that I realised I loved him and since then I haven't dated anyone, not that he took notice.
---
I'd rented a small house with a private beach as a graduation gift for the four of us. We were going to spend a week, sunbathing, surfing and having a blast.
It was nearing midnight on the first night. Nate, Matt and Mia had gone to bed over an hour ago. I had planned to go too but my father called to moan about the fact I wasn't going to work for the family business. He was pissed when I told him I'd planned to open a club and that my older brother could help him take care of things there. Just as he had been for the past several years now.
After I hung up I heard a strange cry. It was deep, guttural and pained. Not long after Nate came into the living space looking dishevelled and sexy. His hair was messed up and his bare chest was covered in sweat as it heaved.
If it wasn't for all of the scars I could see I would have gotten a boner right then and there. His face looked frightened until he noticed me and then that steel cold glaze washed over him.
"Are you ok Nate?" I asked tentatively.
He nodded and walked out the patio doors and down onto the beach. Despite knowing he would prefer to be alone, I followed him.
As I got closer the moonlight bounced off his back and highlighted several long scars. It almost looked like he had been mauled by a wolf or something.
We didn't say anything, I just sat next to him and we both looked out onto the ocean. Silent tears fell down his face and as much as I wanted to I didn't comment on them.
The fact that he allowed me to see him like that without telling me to go away sealed my fate. I was almost tempted to put my arm around him, but I didn't want to ruin the moment.
The rest of the holiday went better than it had started. Nate seemed to open up to me more, he still scowled but he was more tolerant and forgiving. He initiated conversations with me. Especially when I told him my favourite band growing up had been Linkin Park.
"The songs I liked the most were 'In the End' and 'Numb', ''One More Light' is amazing too," I told him with a smile.
"Those are good, but 'Somewhere I belong' has a real meaning for me," Nate responded.
---
A pained cry brought me out of my reminiscing. Leaving my room I approached his door and slowly opened it. He was lying on the bed covered in sweat. His face was contorted in pain and fear as his nightmare took him.
"Nate!" I called out as I grabbed his shoulders.
"No! Please don't hurt me!" he called out and my heart broke
"Nate! Wake Up!" I called again, pulling him up.
I wrapped my arms around his back and stroked him gently whispering in his ear to help calm him down. Eventually, I felt him relax. I eased him back and saw his face now look peaceful. Those pain meds must have wiped him out.
Reluctantly, I laid him back down and went to get a washcloth. Without being a pervert I wiped across his chest and abdomen, to help cool him down. His body was overheating.
Once done, I began to stand but he grabbed my arm to stop me. His grip was tight but not painful as he brought my hand to his face. He was still asleep so I didn't think he was aware of what he was doing.
"Ok, ok. I'll stay," I whispered as I moved so I could lay next to him.
As soon as my body was down he turned and wrapped himself around me. Like a frightened child does to their mother or father after a nightmare.
Nate buried his face in my chest whilst my head rested on top of his. I got a waft of his bittersweet scent, it was making my heart race and it was close to giving me a hard-on, but I had to push those feelings aside. He didn't need that right now.
Being with the love of my life, feeling his arms around my waist, I fell asleep with the thought and hope that I would feel his arms around me again.