"Nate?" he asked when I hadn't answered his original question.
I hadn't meant to say that but my brain wasn't flying on all cylinders. His kiss had driven me insane. I very much wanted to continue and never stop.
Gabe moved, taking a step closer. I flinched and steeled myself. I needed to end this before I got hurt. Gabe had proven time and time again that he'll forever be the playboy I've known him to be. I was just a simple professor who didn't want to be strung along.
"I should go," I said, trying to move around him but he stopped me.
"Go where? We need to talk, Nate. Tell me what you meant," he asked, pleading with me.
"Gabe! Come on," I called out after a sigh. "You bed anything with a pulse, you have done since I met you. The Gabriel Lopez I know had a different girl on his arm almost every week. Though I've never seen you with a guy you've most likely had a string of them too. How can you possibly be serious about anyone, let alone a geeky professor?"
Instantly, I regretted what I'd said and wanted to take it back. I'd hurt him, his eyes went from shock and pain to nothing. A mask fell into place. I felt like shit, I had gone too far but I knew it had to be said.
I expected Gabe to shout at me, argue with me or at the very least be his cocky self. Seeing that one look before he walked out the room leaving me alone stabbed at my heart.
I sighed against the desk contemplating waiting but I found myself leaving his office. Stupidly, I looked for him at the bar we'd been sitting at, half expecting him to be downing a drink or flirting with a girl. He was nowhere to be seen. So, I made my way out of the club and went home.
---
Two weeks had passed since that night. Naturally, Gabe hadn't called or texted me, not that I'd expected him to. My hand had reached for my phone several times, intending to message him, but I'd stopped myself.
I felt awful, the more I thought about it, the worse I felt. Knowing I needed a distraction I called Mia up, taking her up on her earlier offer. She had collared me in my office and practically demanded I join her and Matt for dinner. At the time, I had declined and managed to get away before she could force me to agree.
To say she was shocked at my sudden interest was an understatement.
"Well, well! This is truly one for the books. Mr I'm too busy to spend any time with my best friend tonight has agreed to come to dinner. It's been months since I've seen my best friend, except at work," she teased.
I knew she was only teasing but I did feel bad for putting this off for so long. Don't get me wrong, I love Mia and Matt but seeing them together only amplified my loneliness. It had been easy for them, they met, fell in love and got married. However, that had never been the case for me.
In college, I'd dated a couple of guys but it only ever lasted a few dates. Eventually, each guy wanted to get physical with me and I would freak out when they started trying to remove my clothes. I was heavily scarred and it's not like they wouldn't notice. So I would end it before it got to that. After a while, I stopped dating altogether. There was no point getting some guy's hopes up only for it to end.
Mia bumped my shoulder to bring me out of my thoughts. She smirked at me as I flashed her a small smile. The dining table was set out with four places and a sinking feeling filled my stomach.
"Who's the fourth place for?" I asked, hoping beyond hope for the first time that they had set me up on a blind date.
"Oh, that's for Gabe. We finally managed to get all of us together for the first time in years," she said excitedly, not noticing my grimace.
Matt walked in then, from outside, smiling. He was holding a pair of tongs and beamed brightly at us.
"We are having burgers tonight, hope that's ok?" he asked me and I nodded.
I contemplated making an excuse to leave but I didn't want to disappoint Mia. Reluctantly, I nodded towards Matt as he passed me a beer.
"Gabe's running a little late but he should be here soon," Matt said before going back outside.
Mia came up to me, holding a glass of orange and smiled. She rubbed my shoulder looking up at me with that look I knew all too well.
"You ok?" she asked worriedly.
With a sigh, I nodded.
"You've been visiting your father again, haven't you? Did it go ok?" she wondered with a sigh.
"I've been once, a while ago but not since, and it went as well as it usually does," I told her cryptically withholding the full truth.
"That's what worries me," she sighed.
To be honest, I had all but forgotten what my father had done to me several weeks ago. Now my mind was plagued with the look on Gabe's face.
I wondered if I should talk to Mia about him, about what I'd said to him. However, I quickly shook the idea out of my head. Mia would nag me to go talk with him to make it right.
Just then, to save me from making a mistake Matt came back in. He was frowning as he held the phone to his ear. Mia walked up to him in concern and I started to panic.
Had something bad happened to Gabe? Was he hurt or injured?
"Gabe isn't coming, so we can start," he sighed.
I should have felt relieved but I didn't. Though I knew it would have been painstakingly awkward to be around him, the knowledge of him avoiding me was much worse.
"Oh no! Why not?" Mia asked.
"He left a voicemail, it just says that he can't make it and that he was sorry," he explained.
Mia huffed out, folding her arms across her chest.
"What the hell! He could have at least told us why. We haven't all been together for a long time. I've been looking forward to it," she whined before huffing. "Whatever! Come on, let's eat."
"What's going on with Gabe, Matt? Don't think I haven't noticed how odd he's been acting," she asked him.
"I know, he's been acting strange since college ended if I think about it," Matt agreed with Mia.
My curiosity peaked at that, I hadn't noticed any change in him. He was still the egotistical playboy he always was ... wasn't he?
"What do you mean?" I asked leaning closer.
"Well, it's just that, after college, he suddenly stopped dating. One minute he had a girl on his arm every week and then no one. It was like he just got sick of the lifestyle or maybe he found someone that he wanted to prove himself to."
Matt smirked as he looked pointedly at me. It was as if he was saying point-blank that it was me Gabe was trying to impress.
"At work, there're plenty of women interested in him but he just rebuffs them or totally ignores them."
"Now that I think about it, I haven't seen him with anyone for a long time either and certainly not heard him talk about anyone. Who could this person be?" wondered Mia, sounding as if she already knew.
I was thinking the same thing as well, then I remembered what I'd heard him say to that woman when she cornered him in his office.
Also, he'd said that he had wanted me. When he kissed me I definitely felt his reaction to me. The moans he'd made against my mouth and ear had been intoxicating, adding to my own desire.
"Matt, has Gabe ever dated a man?" I asked quietly.
Matt leaned back in his chair appearing to think about my question. His long dramatic pause was keeping me on the edge of my seat and I was sure he knew it.
"Well, he dated a guy in high school and if memory serves he'd been in love with him. They dated for about two or three months. Gabe's family have always been quite well-to-do. Gabe knew people only approached him for money but Ben seemed different."
The food was long forgotten by us all now, both Mia and I were glued to him as he spoke.
"Before Ben, he'd never shown any interest in dating men though he was never opposed to it. When we went out to clubs, the occasional man would come and flirt with him. He would flirt back a little but it never went anywhere, that I knew of anyway."
"Ben arrived during our final year and you could tell straight away he was gay. He got bullied a little at first but he fought back and they quickly stopped. Then one night, Gabe said that he'd been driving home and saw Ben on the side of the road. His car had broken down."
I wondered if his car had really broken down or if it was a trick to get Gabe's attention like those stupid girls do in the movies.
"Gabe helped him and he started hanging out with us. I didn't mind but when he told me about how they met I told Gabe to be careful. He smiled and said he always was, ever the cocky arrogant bastard. Then Ben and Gabe got close and before I knew it, Gabe was telling me they were together."
I hated feeling jealous of a guy I never knew. A guy who'd dated the playboy over ten years ago.
"They were inseparable, I'd never seen Gabe so happy before. When Ben wasn't around Gabe would sigh and be all mopey or glued to his phone texting him."
Mia laughed as did I at the silly schoolboy image Matt was painting of Gabe. It was the stark contrast to the cocky, arrogant playboy I had first met.
"Anyway, a month away from graduating Gabe and I had planned to work on a project after school. Ben had wanted to spend the night with Gabe but Gabe was always serious about his studies."
My eyes widened. During college, Gabe had seemed like he wasn't that interested in academia and would prefer to party and bed women. I was beginning to feel like I didn't know the real Gabe at all.
"We managed to finish it quicker than we originally thought so Gabe headed off to surprise Ben. The next day Gabe told me he and Ben were over. It took me a few weeks to get him to tell me what happened. When Gabe had gone to surprise Ben he wasn't home, his mother told him that he had gone to see a friend at some bar. Gabe, thinking nothing wrong, went to meet him."
Dread filled my heart. I could imagine what Matt was going to say next. I could imagine what Gabe had walked in on.
"When Gabe arrived Ben was kissing some guy up against a wall. He went over and demanded answers. Ben said that Gabe knew they weren't in an exclusive relationship and he had said that he was busy that night anyway. So, Gabe told him they were through and Ben shrugged his shoulders and laughed. He said all Gabe was good for was a good lay and his family's money. After that, Gabe told me if that was all people were going to see from him then he might as well be that guy."
My heart fell for Gabe. The way he was, made sense now. No one had taken the time to get to know him, to see past the money and good looks. Slowly, a voice crept into my head, reminding me, I'd done that too.
"I'm worried about him though," Matt continued. "Over the past two weeks, he's gone from not dating anyone to dating a different woman every night."
Guilt filled my heart. I'd caused that, it was all my fault. I'd seen him exactly as his ex had and told him he could never be serious with anyone.
"In college he would have a different woman each week, wining and dining them. However, now he's just sitting at his bar waiting for the first woman to come up to him. Taking them to the nearest motel and then going back to work or home."
Deciding I'd heard enough, as well as knowing I had to fix this, I got up and made my excuses. As I left I could have sworn I heard Mia say 'finally' as well as the sound of a high five. Choosing to ignore it I raced to Gabe's bar hoping he hadn't picked up his latest girl yet.