The 20s or a shit show for me note the dope shit show. I started getting angry again and started actually doing some self destructive behaviour which I'm not too proud of one was that I bet my iPod touch and broke it in definitely and how to save a new one and I did something stupid really stupid I can't mention what I did stupid but I'll tell you that I did something life affirming that I'll never do again. I got yelled at and I couldn't take it and I try to do something really stupid and I said I think I better go to the hospital to get some fucking help. One times are getting a little easier and I was talking to a mental health nurse about my problems particularly the above problems I have mentioned it in grade 8 I was threatened Guantánamo instead of being an FBI agent or a polygraph examiner or something along those lines were friends or pathologist something that I actually meant something to me instead I was a yakuza thug. She said there was a lot of pain in my life and I said there was more than just paying there was physical pain as well I was actually tortured by terrorists as a baby when she was not too pleasant something I don't want to mention to her often because it scares the shit out of people.
Bin Laden was dead but I wasn't happy in our faces the way he died he should've been strangled instead of actually shot like a gentle dog because he was or anything but gentle and he wasn't anything but an animal he was a clown with a beard who needed to be shot in the throat and then stepped on as he lay dying but that was my opinion. I did not like the fact that I was not in the bin Laden job and was able to kill bin Laden himself because he has caused me so much fucking problems more so than anyone else on this goddamn planet. He was annoying looking and he was just plain annoying to me and was nothing more than a glorified pervert so I really want him gone more so than anyone else everyone else Could've took in a fucking number. You would think that the bullshit order in with him but I'll tell you later on that it did not and with him there was another guy in the works that was going to be the next bin Laden and he was knocking on my front door. So I ended up listening to the Insane Clown Posse again for about 20 years of a break and I learned that anger was not the way to go about things or self-destruction was not the way to go about things if you can channel your anger and you Destructive nation of creativity and art than you are in the good. They said that self-destructive behaviour And instructor wrangler will only lead to more abuse and other shit shows. I.e. the broken ipod and my distractive behaviour from that I ended up deciding while listening to the music that I was going to on CD that I was going to read the Warriors Saga the warrior cats and the seeker bears by I can't remember her name but she's a very good author. I became immersed with the warrior cats and the seeker bears To the point where I was ordering interlibrary loan and other ways of getting my hands on the box by legal means. It was one of the more better book series that I ever read and I still read the warrior cats I haven't read the secret bars in a long time but I have read the warrior cats up to age 32 which is my current age and I'm going on a 33. I am hopeful that I will find more warrior boxer on Amazon one day and one I learned when I got my new iPod finally to replace the old one that I learned that there is a Warriors Saga movie coming out I have yet to see the previews For it but want to watch it anyway if it is on Netflix that is because it's very goodseries a fucking good series I mean. I got to learn the different clans and get to know them I am more shadow clan than anything else because I'm still free and I am over integrity and I can be ruthless like the shadow clan cats can be. Like the Tokugawa clan but only with cats. I still identify with the shadow clan at this day and age and when I started doing digital paintings I was one of the first digital paintings I ever did was a shadow clan symbol and I did it in blue in honour of the Tokugawa. I will tell you that the warrior cats have gotten me out of some nasty situation and then my grandmother had to pass away goddamn it, And I make things even more fucked up was that I lost every single ring that she owned and gave me and I was just having a pisser of a time. So I ended up reading The whole Harry Potter series one summer when my mother was in the hospital for three months after having a seizure where it was a very rare and mysterious seizure call the grand mal seizure. I still don't know what caused the seizure to this day I think I was sleep deprivation and stress from not having her mother around anymore I wouldn't blame her on that one and I started listening to Buffy Sainte Marie and other native American artists as well as the Insane Clown Posse to help me cope and I was able to do Better for my mother and cope without losing my shit. But the shit show tonight and there was a time when I ended up in a day group yes a day group that was for the girls that were so incompatible with me they did not like the same kind of music on the road which was hard-core in the insane clown posse and twiztd That they only listen to country music and drive me fucking mongers I had to bring my iPod With me just a quail down the fucktard country music there is more white supremacist than anything else. It was driving me wild and then there was one girl told me to shut the hell up because I was going to hell for swearing. I figured she was a Christian or Catholic and she was in for a fight. I don't know what is with these people and telling other people what to do when they don't have an MD or a PhD it pisses me off. If the pope had an MD I would take it more seriously and I would not disrespect him but since he did not have medical training he can go fuck him self. It was getting to the point where I glared at the girl and the woman who ran the day group saw that and said to my mother in secret that I needed emergency counselling again. Bullshit it was the other girl that was suicidal and after a tell me what the fuck to act like. As you can tell I beg my mother had me kicked out of that program once and for all and she had me kicked out because there is no point in having a bitchy daughter every time I left the house. It was getting to the point where I didn't want to leave the house because there were racist people and people who are criticizing the way I lived even before I came out of the closet. It was just plain fucking horrible and God awful. Lego one time I was going to go take a picture of a sunflower And it was called a stupid Iranian which was the worst thing I ever heard and the saddest thing I ever heard and go outside or anyone more fucked up when the girl try to learn the first on my face I was quick enough to avoid the punch and having to press charges. In my town of Delmont there was a lot of violence and hatred. This was no place for a juggalettes because there's no Juggalos or juggalots That we're going to have my back and save me from these racist. It was god awful there and there was a time I tried Snapchat and that was a stank fest as well. I already member that I was trying to date a guy but he was a workaholic and was married and fuck in his job more than he was talking to me and I called him on it and told him he was being abusive. He didn't like that idea very much in fact he told me if you get angry because I go to work then you got to go and I told him to go fuck him self. Plain and simple he was just a pain in the ass and his job was even more of a pain in the ass than him. That was when I decide to come out of the closet as a lesbian I told my mom I didn't like the way that Ellen DeGeneres rinds or so and then it was stupid and then if I was her and I was like her that I would keep my goddamn mouth shut. I'll be more dignified and my mother said well I knew this was going to come out. And I said what she said We except you you've been dropping hints over the years. I was shocked at my mother I was wondering who the fuck was this alien who talk my mother this way in the first time I would say there's actual fucking question in my head. But I am now a proud lesbian always had been an hour and trying to find love. Well that was going to be a real pain in the ass later on it's gotten to a point later on that night and sorry I was going to let my friend pick and choose my partners but that's on me another story later on.