The sun's almost up when I start to pack. I have no need of anything that reminds me of this place . I do not really own much in that way. So I pack whatever clothes that I can get my hands on, and hastily throw them in a duffle bag.
I'm not furious anymore. That rage is still there deep inside, I can feel it, but I've tempered it down.
I've thrashed my room, I've torn my books, I've bruised my knuckles enough. Now, I just feel numb.
I barged into Ekhos study the first thing after what Kalon had told me, only to find him gone on one of his expeditions.
I would've confronted him, would've jabbed him with my words. I would've wanted to hurt him the way he had hurt me.
I tell myself that it's for the best, that I can just leave this all behind without goodbyes.
I have no care now.
I have to fight the urge to cry. I'm used to resisting that urge by now. I'm used to convincing myself to hold on a little longer every time I feel like I'm falling apart into pieces, pieces I can no longer manage to put back together. I'm used to stifling my rage, taking it out on a wall instead. But not this time. This is all too much.
I feel dizzy. I feel like I'm being clawed deeper into myself, into the chasm in my chest which is only getting deeper. I feel everything and nothing.
Is this why I'm here, Ekho? So that you can groom me and turn me into something that I do not want to be? I've done all that you asked of me, always. But this? You'll never have me do this. If I'm not the one steering control of my own life, then you will not have the wheel either.
I have to get away from here before I do something stupid.
I'm taking Kolans word for it. Which is bizarre because he could easily just be lying, and nothing remotely reasonable ever comes out of that rascals mouth. But why so ever would he be lying about this? I do not think he has a practical motive behind that.
The only person who could've really shed some light on isn't here, and I don't want to stick around to find out. If kolan is telling the truth, then it most certainly is going to happen. Because even I, in my trashed state of mind, can perceive how strategically advantageous this is. How monumental it'd be.
Never, since the war begun, has there been a conjugal between someone from Asteria and Zephyr.
If this does happen, it'd be historic.
Not to mention that it could potentially put a brief hiatus in the ongoing war, forestalling bloodbath that's on the daily.
My hands are trembling as I zip the bag. And then realisation hits me. I have nowhere to go, no one to turn to. Going Into the streets of Zephyr would only mean a death sentence. It won't be long before someone realises who I really am.
Asterian filth sullying the grounds of Zephyr.
I do not even want to consider the unimaginable ways I'd be tormented, if not terminated on spot. Crossing the border and making it to Asteria is completely out of the equation too. It is difficult to put things into perspective when I can't think straight.
But if getting out of this place means that I have to dance with the devil, I'm willing to do just that.
I force myself to not look back at my room. There's no need for that, it'll just reel back all the memories I've attached to this room. Memories etched too deep. I'm glad I ruined most of it, destroyed a part of me.
I do not make it too far before Caspian, Drazen, and two other guards stop me in my tracks.
Not the company I'd been expecting.
It occurs to me a tick too late of what this could be about.
"Take her." Caspian orders the guards.
They strap my bag off me, and hold me by the arms.
Their arms are too calloused, I think. Which is not the most concerning aspect of this situation.
"Get your hands off me." I struggle to break free from their calloused grips.
There's no point in that, really. They do not even budge from theirs places, do not even so much as look at me. My eyes go to Drazen, who looks straight ahead too. Stoic bitches.
" I highly encourage that you comply." Caspian warns.
"Whatever for? You cannot just take me. This isn't protocol." I play pretend, as if I have no clue as to why this could be a possible detention.
As much as I hate admitting it, Kolan did not exactly coax me into this. I made my own decision to go to the armoury and pilfer the package for him. I did this to myself. What the hell was in it anyway? Ought to be something important I reckon now.
Sure, I'm his accomplice. But if I'm going down, I'm taking him with me. Though I'll wager it wouldn't make much of a difference. He's the prince of Zephry after all.
I strain against the tight knots that claw around my wrists. The chair creaks in my effort.
I'm in the underground cell. The damp stony walls give off their distinct odour. They smell of torture and anguish.
~•~
Caspian stands in front of me, with Hebe beside him. Drazen stands a few feet to my left, hands folded in front of his chest. He regards me carefully, with a straight face.
I spot Kolan lurking in the shadows. When I see him, he waves at me, as if we're best girlfriends.
Something tells me that even though Drazen's the one who caught me, he isn't the one who ratted me out. It is kolan himself.
I'm not his accomplice, I'm his scapegoat.
Caspian seizes the back of my neck, and makes me look at him.
" Proving to be every bit the Asterian whore that your are, I notice." Caspian says, tightening his grip even more. "Tell me a little about your latest endeavours, why don't you."
I do not cow beneath his grip, do not squirm, not before any of them. Instead, I steady my eyes on his.
"Why don't you ask your beloved brother, Kolan? I'm certain the princeling knows a lot more than what he's capable of articulating."
Hebe scoffs behind him, hands on her hips.
She is Caspian's inamorata, and someone you don't want to mess with.
Caspian steps back, clearly enraged. He motions to Hebe, who for her part tucks a strand of her auburn pixie hair behind her ear as if to ready herself, for whatsoever she's about to do.
Hebe clenches her fist and strikes my cheek. It hurts enough that she winces on impact.
I let the pain in, let it channel itself into silent rage, which keeps on building up.
Caspian circles around me, creating the element of anticipation.
" Feel like talking yet? Or not, we can just beat it out of you. It's up to your preference."
My preference would be to rip your vocal chords out.
"Your brother sent me down there. I don't know what else you'd like to hear, but I'm telling the truth." I have no other plausible excuse. If I fabricate lies, I'm only going to tangle myself deeper into this.
That earns me another blow. This time from Caspian, and he doesn't flinch.
He is using this as an opportunity to take out all his repressed hatred for me, for Asteria in general, which evidently runs too deep. In all of them.
He is doing it more out of spite than suspicion.
I spit the blood on the floor, refusing to reveal the pain I'm in.
"Perhaps we should recons-" Drazen begins, speaking for the first time, but Caspian cuts him short.
Drazen doesn't meet my eye. I know he's aware that I'm looking at him. He's just not looking back, intent on staring at the blood that I just spit. Good for him, because he'd only have seen loathing in my eyes.
"Stay out of this!" He roars. Then realises who he's addressing and mellows his intonation down a few notches. "Stay out of this, brother."
"This little bitch has been scheming, and I am keen on finding out what that is."
"It's been a lovely interrogation, really, I'm impressed." My breathing comes out as a struggle, and my heart won't stop beating, but at least my voices comes out steadfast.
" But why don't we continue out little tea-party with Commander Ekho? I'm sure he's way more equipped at handling this sort of thing."
Nobody says anything for a solid thirty seconds, so I fill the silence.
" Oh by the way, Hebe, how was your little make out session with Lieutenant Christopher? Last week was it? You seemed to be enjoying yourself."
I hadn't been planning to ever really bring that into light, but she's given me a reason enough to do that now. And it works just fine, because she blinks at me with wide eyes, undoubtedly chagrined and flustered, unsure of what to do with herself or where to look at. Serves her right.
Caspian is a different story. I cannot read him.
"Heat the baton." He says to no one in particular, resolution written all over his face.
Hebe complies and scampers to feed the baton to the furnace.
A shiver runs down my spine, and my eyes widen in terror for what's about to happen. My heart's trying to force itself out of my chest, and I start hyperventilating.
Only when the hot iron pierces my skin do I cry out in agonising pain. It is so overpowering that I black out for a few seconds.
Caspian's not stopping. He's enjoying every part of this. He's delighted in my misery.
My guttural screams fill the room. Hot tears roll down my cheeks, and I'm begging and begging and pleading with Caspian to stop, despite myself . But Caspian's just digging the iron deeper, as if he's trying to slice an animal open.
"Stop this at once!" I faintly hear Drazen yelling. He strides over to where Caspian is, pulls the baton away from his hand and throws it on the floor. It lands with a loud cling.
"Everybody out, immediately!" Drazens raspy voice makes Hebe flinch. Even Kolan looks uneasy.
I hadn't ever seen Drazen this enraged before.
"You're making a mistake, brother. Whosoever but her could've done that" Caspian tells Drazen simply.
" Have I not made myself clear enough? Concern yourself with it no more" Drazen levels his gaze on Caspian, daring him to question his authority. Caspian decides against it, and makes his exit, clearly unconvinced. Hebe and Kolan too show themselves out. Kolan looks back at me momentarily. I guess this isn't how he imagined getting me in trouble either, because he mouthes an apology.
This isn't how things usually go down. There's protocol and procedure which needs to be adhered to.
Caspian, he wrecked me for sport. And everybody went along with it.
It's just me and him now.
Drazen kneels in front of me and unfastens the knots of the rope that binds me. I let him.
As soon as my hands are freed, I slap him. Hard. Seeing as he's the one who interfered, he doesn't deserve it. But my anger is unruly, however misdirected it be.
He takes it in silence, never once looking at me.
I slap him again.
"Speak to me for once in your goddamn life! I'm not infectious !" I cry out, tears running down my face. No matter how hard I try to not cry before him, I still cannot stop.
He still isn't talking.
I wipe my tears and get up to leave, I'm caught off balance with dizzy. Drazen wraps his arms around my lower back, steadying me, but I pull away.
"Don't touch me!." I say sharply, splaying my palm against the wall for support.
" Alyona, I'm sorry. Let's get you out of here, ok?" He has a pained expression, as if he's been hurt in my stead.
I do not want his pity.
" Sorry? What exactly are you sorry about? This or the fact that we're to be engaged? Help me because I fail to understand."
Silence envelopes us, again. I expected as much.
"I will be nothing, but your worst enemy now."
With that, I head for the door.
~•~