For a moment I'm too surprised to react, too startled by the way his lips wrap around mine, soft and feverish at once.
Kolans hands reach for my lower back, pulling me closer.
And then I do realise what's happening . I shove him away, and then slap him, almost in reflex.
No one can tell me that he didn't deserve it. Because there's nobody who deserves it more than this wanton. And devil forbid it feels good. Hope I made it hurt.
Kolan is as shocked as I am. We're even now.
" Have you lost your damn mind!" I try to contain my voice from quivering, and despite my efforts, it comes out ragged.
His capacity for being shameless is staggering, even for his standards.
" He is not a right fit for you." Kolan shrugs nonchalantly, acting as though I hadn't just slapped him, as though this implication is a justification enough for him to kiss me without permission, as though this is the most fitting response.
Not a right fit for you? He's obviously referring to Drazen. A reference that hardly makes any sense coming from him.
I restrain myself from questioning him further, not wanting to be caught up in his fabricated lies. Because that is what he does.
"My lady." A voice calls.
I shift my attention to the source of the voice, grateful for the interruption. Lars is here, thankfully.
He strides toward where we're standing, and bows before Kolan in obeisance.
" At your service, on behalf of the Crown Prince. Whenever you're ready." Lars tells me.
He is young, that much I can tell. Young and naive. Not a very profound deduction it is.
" I hope you'll pay heed to my counsel. Congratulations, once again. Make us proud." Kolan smiles and says, feigning indifference.
" I will make you so much proud, your grace." I play along. " And please take a good care of your shoulder." I say. He isn't the only one who knows how to be unrepentant.
Lars bows again as Kolan proceeds to leave.
Kolan retraces his steps back to Lars and takes it upon himself to adjust the collar of Lars' uniform.
"Escort well, will you. You seem too young to be shanghaied on the frontier" Kolan says superciliously, and then ruffle Lars' hair.
I watch this charade with amusement and disconcert, wondering all the while if Kolan is on narcotics. It would make much sense to know that he is.
"Yes, yes, of course, I will escort well...Your Grace." Lars stammers and nods vehemently, furiously blushing.
He's not okay, Lars.
I'm not entirely sure whether I should act on my concern for Lars and comfort him, or pretend I took no notice of his humiliation, because he looks like he's about to cry.
"Good boy." Kolan walks away with that, leaving a very confused and distressed Lars, and a very disgusted and equally confused me.
I have a strong urge to kick him from behind and catapult him, but I bite down on that. Only if I could.
Whatever was the need for Kolan to do this?
I curse under my breath and sigh.
" Don't worry, he severely lacks wisdom and perception." I admit to Lars, once Kolans footfalls falter into distance.
"I suppose." Lars admits, still not recovered completely. " No, I- I did not mean to say that. Humble apologies, my lady."
"Our bitching about that pea-brain is safe with me. Feel free to add more." I smile.
"Shall we?" I ask.
"Yes, of course, My lady." Says Lars, blinking away whatever he'd been feeling.
"You know, I'd really appreciate if you'd stop calling me 'My Lady'." I say as we start descending down the stairs.
Never once has anyone addressed me like that here. That is a title I do not deserve, and neither want to. It only sounds weird, if anything.
"Miss Alyona, then?" Lars asks, giving me a sidelong glance.
His brown curls fall on his forehead in a disorder, from Kolan having rumpled it.
"Nah, Alyona is fine." I steal a glance at him too, at his suave olive complexion, much the same as mine, and the freckles that compliment it. " I get a feeling that we're of the same age. How old are you, Lars?" I ask, curious.
"Turned eighteen this month." Lars tells me with a small smile, tripping over his own step in the process.
I take hold of his arm to steady him.
" Clumsy much." I say, grinning. At that, he grins too.
" Excuse me. Just a little shaken up." Lars says bracing himself against the wall, smile still playing on his lips.
" I can tell." I tease. " Huh so I was right, we're of the same age."
Lars regards me a moment, something shifting in his face.
" Would it be alright if I ask something?" Lars says as we start again.
"Mhm." I nod. Even though we've barely exchanged a few sentences, I already feel at ease with him. Something that usually doesn't happen when I'm around anyone.
"What mark do you bear?" He asks.
I fail to find a reason to not tell him, when it isn't much of a cloak-and-dagger here.
Though I can only hope that he's asking out if curiosity, than a ploy.
I look at him walking alongside me, and there's no cunning in what I see. Or I'm just seeing what I want to.
" It's a Helix." I decide to tell him.
" One for resilience, if I'm not wrong?" Lars says.
" Only the moody ones can shoulder it." Lars jokes, grinning.
" Ouch." I gasp, in mock-hurt. "Only the most capricious of us can be legends." I shake my head. " I'm impressed though."
" I'm very sma-" Lars begins and skilfully manages to trip again. This time, I'm not able to to save his fall from grace.
" That is very elegant and charming ." I laugh, and stretch out my arm for him to take.
We walk without saying much after that, and I try not to think about Kolan or his lips on mine. I try instead to focus on what I'm supposed to say to Drazen, and most importantly how I'm going to word it. But it's all useless because my mind keeps going back to Kolan, back to how easily that one meaningless kiss could raise so many questions that I can ever know the answers to.
When we get there, Lars reaches for the door and holds it open for me.
" It is always good to see some chivalry." I grin, and head inside. " Remain standing huh." I call out.
"Can't promise that much." Lars calls back, and I can hear the smile in his voice.
~•~
" Evening, Alyona." Drazen says and hands me a cup of lemongrass tea.
He takes to sit on the chesterfield in front of me, next to the fireplace.
I take the cup, noticing that he does not look like he's doing that well. He seems exhausted.
"Evening, Drazen." I say, taking a sip. "Everything alright?"
For a moment Drazen gives me a blank look, like he did not expect that I could care enough to aks if everything is alright with him. I haven't given him much reason to believe that, so maybe I should not read too much into it.
" As acceptable as everything can be." Drazen smiles slightly, running a hand through his hair. He is trying to convince us both that he is telling the truth. He isn't succeeding much at that.
I cannot say for certain, but I'm sure there's something more to it. From what I've perceived is that he runs a hand through his hair when he's bothered, when something isn't in the realm of his control.
" Acceptable does not sound very ideal, but ok."
I hand Drazen my phone on which I'd mentioned my terms.
I'd chewed over about this as much as I could, gone over ways I could mend this to my use. I'm being cynical, but I need to get something out of this for me too.
Drazen frowns. I already know what he could be frowning at. It is either the part that states that I wish to be granted permission to attend the council of war meets of the Strategic Legion, or the part that states that we will not be involved sexually or romantically. That, or maybe all of the five terms. I do not know.
Drazen switches to look at me, and then at my phone, and then at me again.
I cannot read him. At all. He just purses his lips and says nothing.
" Say something." I say, when he doesn't speak for a tad too long. Seems like I've rendered him speechless.
Drazen licks his lips and clears his throat.
" Well, ugh...what if there's a need to sire an heir?" He asks, not meeting my eye.
" I am sure you'll find another way." I say.
Yes that sounds wrong. Yes I realise the absurdity of what I'd just said. Yes I'm aware he's gaping at me now. Yes I can see he's clearly blushing.
"What?" Says Drazen.
"What?" Says me.
I choke on my tea and break into a fit of laughter. I cannot stop even as I'm trying. I had no intention of saying it like I did.
Drazen for his part, doesn't laugh. He watches me with raised eyebrows, blinking in perplexity.
" Ok, look." I try to leash my chortle. " we're not going to sire an heir. Not going to tread on that territory."
Drazen nods slowly and hesitantly.
" What about the year end termination?" Drazen gives me a questioning look.
" Well I am not in favour of our doing this anymore than you are, Drazen. So best we end this as soon as we can. A year will buy us much time to pacify and forestall the war, if we can." I say.
"Alyona." Drazen sighs. " I do not think it'll work like that. Everybody is going to start surmising that it is just for display."
"But it is for display." I counteract. "Drazen, neither of us would want to be bound to something that feels like a sacrifice. For Greater good or not, happiness trumps."
" We have to make it look real. There isn't much of a point otherwise" Drazen shrugs.
" And we will, a year should be enough for that." I tell him, hoping for him to understand.
Drazen goes over the terms again, not showing much in the way of expressions.
"I am asking for too much, aren't I?" I say after a while.
It is understandable that Drazen is hesitant about letting me in on the formal counsels. Hesitant about ending our nuptial after a year. He knows as well as I do that it will not sit well with anybody; he knows better of anything.
It all comes down to the looks of it in the end, after all. How stable and strategised the monarch looks. How well it can hide its issues underneath.
" We can work out some sort of alternative arrangement, if that is what you wish for." Drazen says.
"Alright, what kind?" I ask. He hasn't denied me, not exactly.
We both hear footfalls that sound like they're coming toward us. I do not make much of it, but Drazen frowns and scans around the room.
"Come with me." Drazen says, and holds out his hand for me to take.
I do not.
"What, where?." I stand, confused.
There isn't any reason for us to not be here. Even if there wasn't, he is The Crown Prince.
" We do not have time for this." Drazen declares, and takes my hand in his.
I had in mind that we'd be going out of the grand room, not inside an armoire.
" I am not going in that." I complain.
Drazen glances at the door, then back at me.
As the footfalls approach nearer, I can make out the voices. It is Ekho and Caspian, no doubt.
" Just comply with me for this once. We'll argue plenty later." Drazen says with urgency.
I sigh, stepping in the dark. Drazen follows and closes the doors carefully.
It is not weird at all for us to be confined in this cramped space, I tell myself.
Drazen and I are too close for our liking. Even though I cannot see him properly in the dim light that comes through the narrow slits, it's like I can almost clearly see his discomfort. Or the discomfort is just mine.
Either way, I move a little to the back to give us as much space as possible, and just as Ekho and Caspain enter the room, my heel hits against something hard.
" ouch." I whisper, stifling an urge to cry out, and curse under my breath.
I couldn't help it. My heel hit bad.
"Hush." Drazen whispers, and puts his finger to my lips to keep me from speaking.
I stomp on his toe. It's his turn to ouch now.
Talk about being stealthy.
" ouch." Whisper shouts Drazen, his finger still on my lips.
I put mine against his own lips. We're on an equal footing now.