Monday
Taes luscious brown locks were sprawled across the desk. The professor's voice filled the class as he drones on about exams for the semester. Jimin fidgetted with the fabric of my jumper sleeve absentmindedly. Eyes practically glazed over as he looked ahead to the front of the class. The way he was lazily leaning back in his chair made it appear like he had very little interest and couldn't wait to get out of here.
My suspicions were confirmed when the bell rang and Jimin bid us a good day and rushed off before I could even ask where he was going. Then again, I already had a good guess as to where that was. Tae hadn't even noticed him leave, he looked disoriented from his nap as he sat up and peered around. Letting out a small inward sigh as he noted Jimin was nowhere to be seen.
"You ready for exams?" I asked. Maybe shifting the subject would help distract him.
"Hardly. I hate studying by myself, it's such a bore".
"Want to study together then?" I propositioned. He watched me, the cogs in his head likely ticking over slower seeing as he'd just woken up.
"Can we get lunch too? I'm starving".
"Yeah, how about burgers?" The wide boyish grin that spread across his face was all the answer I needed. The two of us picked up burger sets and went back to my place so we could eat and study in peace.
We settled down on the soft rug on my living room floor, excited to dig into our meals. It was mostly comfortable silence as we sat across from each other at the coffee table and ate. That was, apart from us talking over what topic to revise first for exams. Tae helped me clear the table and lay out all the books and reading material we needed to get started while I threw some rubbish away into the bin.
I came and sat down legs crossed beside him and we started to get dug into our revision. Every once in a while I'd glance over to Tae. He appeared down and restless. Then, eventually, he looked up from the book in hand over to me.
"Can I ask you something?" He came off unsure.
"Of course" I shut my book and turned to face him as to give him my full attention.
"What would you do if you were part of an idol group but they were keeping you a secret..? So like, you weren't allowed to go to shows and interviews and stuff with the others.." Tae was hesitant as he posed the scenario. It took me a second to come to terms with his otherwise seemingly out of the blue metaphorical dilemma. But I easily gathered that it perhaps wasn't.
"Wait, Tae, That's like a really specific question. Is that what's happening to you?" I mumbled. He bit at his lip softly, gaze averting down so that his brown locks shrouded his face slightly.
"Maybe.. Yeah".
"So you get left out of stuff? Why are they keeping you a secret?" I asked. The scenario came off unusual to me and I couldn't help but to want to know more. Why had it come to this, and why hadn't I known anything about it sooner.
"It's kinda complicated, something about not wanting other groups to try and scout me..".
Thoughts swirled in my head as I tried to piece it together. "I.. Don't know if you realize this but, your voice is unique. It could be that simple. They're scared to lose you..".
A small cast down Hm escaped his lips. Whatever the motive it didn't make it hurt him any less...
"But, it must be lonely. Getting left out of the group.." He tensed up. I shuffled closer to him and got up on my knees, I wrapped my arms around him and tugged him into me. Tae let out an unsteady breath. I felt it warm against the bottom of my neck where I clutched him close to me.
"Yeah... It's not like I can tell anyone either... You're the only one who isn't part of the company that even knows. Oh.. and my family but.." he hesitated. Another uneven breath, He burrows further into me.
"But..?" I slowly say.
"I miss them so much. I haven't been able to see them in so long.." that's when I felt him tremble. God, it plucked at my heart to see my best friend like this. How can I make it better.. How can I remedy this...
"What about winter break? After exams, is there any way you could go and see them?" The thought rushed to my mind desperately. There was a seconds pause and Tae slowly pulled away and looked up at me. Cheeks damp but a tiny flicker of something else now held in his watery-eyed stare.
"Actually... Yeah... I probably could" he uttered.
"Then do that. Go and see them, talk to them and take a rest. It's not far, we just gotta keep pushing through... Also... You know... If it gets too much... You don't have to do all this... There are other choices, paths you can take in life. It's not the be-all and end-all... Just remember that Tae" I had no idea if what I was saying was the right thing.
Tae gave a tiny nod and then relaxed his head back against my chest. I held him there for a little while, swaying him back and forth gently, a lulled tune entered my mind so I hummed it to him. The entire time I just wished that there was more that I could do. I was left feeling helpless, seeing my friend hurting and all I could do was struggle and say a few words. It just wasn't enough.. and this wasn't the first time either. There'd been moments like this in the past too...
Tae seemed to regain himself as he let out a deep breath and pulled away. "I have a theory..".
"What is it?" I tip my head in question.
"Well, I was thinking about it and... The only thing that makes sense is that some angels sent you to look out for me.." Was I imagining things, no... He was serious?
"What? Oh my gosh, you're precious" I flushed instantly at the slight shift, the affection his gaze held on me.
"Not as precious as you are. Thanks for always being so good to me" Tae leant over and cupped my cheek, I felt my breath catch in my chest as he closed the gap between us. A soft peck placed itself on my nose, it tickled a little.
"You don't need to thank me for that... It's what best friends do.." I trailed off. He was still so close to me, I found it hard to breathe.
"Mm... Should we take a break?" He pulled away, the return of his fresh smile giving me confidence that we'd live to fight another day.
The rest of our time together passed as we got stuck into playing some game on our phones. Tae realised that he had to take off otherwise he'd be late to his vocal lessons this afternoon. I was left wondering about my plans to see Joon tonight at the club.
As I scoured through my clothes my emotions sauntered. Albeit a lot was going on. Not just for me but the people around me too. I was about to toss the yellow crop knitted top in my hand aside but, after a second of refocusing on what It looked like I lingered. The way the top twisted across the middle would make my cleavage look pretty sexy so I chose to go with that. Along with a pair of my signature high waisted jeans, it would be perfect.
Hair down straight, white kicks on. Simple but cute, just the way I liked it. There was no line when I got there. Just strolled right through. It was so mild compared to the weekend. The music played in the background but was nowhere comparable to how loud it had been before, a few people were hanging about, having a drink or sat at tables amongst groups of friends.
It didn't take long for Joon to notice me from where he sat. The chat he was having with a few unfamiliar guys mustn't have been that serious seeing as he excused himself mid-convo to come over to me.
Joon reached out and pulled me into a one-armed hug, his voice eased in my ear.
"Why do you always look so sexy in everything you wear" his tone was deep and playful. I had no idea he even noted what I wore.
"What did I do to earn such compliments today?" I shot back playfully before putting some space between us.
"You don't have to do anything. You just being you is enough" He crinkled his nose cutely before encircling an arm around and nudging at the small of my back. He steers me over to the booth he was sitting at. The two guys at the table perked up at me.
"This is Hyo-Won, a.k.a Pdogg" the blonde gave a short wave. "And that's Dong-Hyuk, a.k.a Supreme Boi" Joon gestured to the black-haired guy beside him who gave a casual what's uppp as he nods my way.
"Ah, not much. Nice to meet you" I answered before Joon led me into the booth and slid in close beside me. "Hold on, you look familiar... Have we met before?" The blonde leaned forward as he inspected me closer.
"Don't think so? Maybe saw each other in passing, it's not as big a city as it seems" I countered. "Yeah, possibly. Anyway, I was about to get a drink. What would you like?" Joon offered.
"Whatever you're having" I chimed. "Bottle of Chamisul" Pdogg called out, leaned back, he came across confident. Joon went over behind the bar and picked what he needed before coming back and putting down the shot glasses and the green bottle on the table with a faint thud.
The four of us began getting stuck into the bottle. And what started as one turned into two then three then four. After some drunken chatting, I'd learnt that Pdogg and Supreme Boi were part of the same agency Joon and the others were signed to. The drinks had seemed to do their job in loosening up Joon. His arm was propped behind me lounging on the back of the seat. Even though he'd been this close to me before it still made my heart flutter. I was pulled from my hidden state of adoring him as I got the urge to pee so I excused myself from the table and went to find the bathroom.
I found it down the end of a dingy hallway, I quickly did what I needed to do then went back out but before I could make it back out of the narrow walkway I saw Hoseok moving toward me.
"Babe? What're you doing here?" He looked stunned as he halted in front of me. "Having drinks with Joon. What about you?" I replied.
"Uhh. Just stopped by for a bit. Don't tell me-" he paused. "Wha?" I was confused.
"No- Nevermind. How many have you had?" His stance emitted a certain dominance that I hadn't necessarily felt before. It made me feel like he was about to scold me for something.
"A few" I mumbled.
"The way your cheeks are burning tell a different story" his lip curved at the corner into a smirk. I kept quiet unsure of what to say.
"Come here" He took a step forward, I felt the wall against my back as I instinctively moved. He cupped my chin, his thump slowly ran over my bottom lip. "I miss these. Haven't stopped thinking about you". I quivered. What was he doing... Right here? Right now?
"Hoseok... I don't think nows a goo-" His lips pressed against mine, my words muffled. He had no interest, caution was tossed into the wind as he kissed me. I melt under him, just as I always do. My knees feel shaky, it's tough to breathe. Adrenaline rushed through me at the notion of getting caught.
"What the fuck are you guys doing?".
Had my anxieties manifested in that split second? Hoseok yanked away, looking down the hall to where the serious voice had come from. As I fixed my eyes on a confused Joon standing barely a metre away my stomach plummeted.
"Kissing". Hoseok answered plainly. Seeming unfazed. Just what had gotten into him?
"Can we talk for sec" Joon bit down his urge to lose his shit right there and then, I could just sense it. Hobi shrugged, stroked my head with a soft "I'll be back" then followed off behind Joon. I stood there feeling dumbstruck.
Fuck, is this bad? Maybe it's not as bad as I think. Then again, why did I get the impression shit was about to go down... there's no way they both were acting like that with each other over just this right? No way...
I took a deep breath and slowly went over to the table but it was now vacant. I sat down by myself and poured a shot and hastily drank it down. It eased my nerves a little but then I heard shouting over the music of the club. There was clatters of stuff breaking and shouts coming from behind the stage. A part of me felt guilty, partly responsible for this mess. I had to do something.
Fuck it.
I mustered up courage from god knows where got up and went over to the curtain and slipped behind it to the backstage area.
What I saw shattered that courage I'd built in a heartbeat. There was destroyed stuff everywhere, Joon and Hoseok were swinging at each other, it was a scene I'd seen play out before... One I'd suffered at home... It was too much to take. I close my eyes.
Fuck what is happening? I squeezed my eyes but the overwhelming panic of the situation hit me and I break into tears. They hadn't seemed to notice because I could still hear the sound of them fighting.
"What the fuck?! Hey! Cut this shit out!"
Another voice I recognized shot from behind me. It was Yoongi. It felt like a weight was crushing down on my chest and was making it hard for me to breathe, I needed to block it out. I kneeled and clutched my knees, the shouting got more distant. Had Yoongi stopped them? Was everything okay now?
"Jia. Are you alright?" The grit of Yoongi's low voice resided in my ear, it was calm. I felt him wrap his hand around my forearm and pull me to my feet.
"I'm sorry.. this is my fault isn't it?" I opened up my eyes, my vision was blurry but I could still see him. Yoongi pulled me into his arms and patted my back soothingly.
"It's okay. Calm down. It's not your fault" His hand caressed my head but it didn't do much to stifle my sobs.
"Shh, It's okay. Let me take you home". I tried to breathe and slowly settled down.
I felt numb as I sat on the back of his scooter. The wind hitting my face should have been cold but I felt nothing. It wasn't until we got back up to my apartment and I sat down on the couch that guilt began to drown me.
"Yoongi.. I fucked up..".
"What're you talking about?".
"They're fighting because of me... This whole time I've been fucking Hoseok... Joon saw us kissing... It's hard to explain" My thoughts scattered as I attempted to string them together to explain, it just wasn't working.
"You don't need to. I already have a pretty good idea of what's going on and it's not your fault".
"You know..?"
"Yeah don't ask how, I just know shit. Other issues have been building between those two. It isn't because you fucked Hobi so don't blame yourself for any of this" I wanted to believe him but, even if that was true it didn't fix anything. I felt a throb in my head.
"My head hurts".
"Want a massage?" Yoongi pats his lap, I gradually laid my head down on his thigh and closed my eyes. I felt him gather my hair and shift it to the side, a soft pressure at my temples followed. As he continued to massage the pain in my head faded. I gave in to the peace Yoongi radiated. I wanted to stay there, nice and safe forever.